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How to stop going on crying

(86 Posts)
grandtanteJE65 Wed 15-Aug-18 08:48:05

Advice badly needed!

When I was younger if anything upset me, I could cry for a little while then dry my eyes, wash my face and feel better for having had a little weep.

Since the menopause, I find if once I start crying I really have difficulty stopping again. I know I should stop; crying no longer brings the relief it did when I was younger.

It has become far too easy to cry too, over things that at an earlier age I would just have shrugged off.

Has anyone found a way to combat being a cry-baby at the age of 66?

Right now, I feel I am just making a difficult day (the cat just died) more difficult for DH and myself by going around in floods of tears. I am really thankful that the 11 year old cat was only poorly for a week, and died peacefully at home this morning, just as I was preparing myself to phone the vet, knowing fine well that the cat would need to be put to sleep.

I am sure I am not the only person who finds it only too easy to burst into tears and well-nigh impossible to stop again, even although I know I should, so any solutions will be very welcome.

1974cookie Wed 15-Aug-18 18:18:31

Grandetante, no wonder you are so tearful at the moment.
Your beloved cat has died.
When we have lost any of our cats, my partner and I have been inconsolable. The worst was when we had to have our darling old boy, our 18.5 year old cat put down a few years ago. My partner, a tough, strong man broke down and absolutely sobbed his heart out, along with me in the vets as we said our final goodbyes.
What you are feeling is normal grief. Accept it because it is part of the grieving process, and so important to be able to move on. Hugs to You xx

Jobey68 Wed 15-Aug-18 18:46:02

I've found I cry more now I'm getting older and especially since the next generation of little ones has started to come along, just thinking about them can set me off! Only this morning my niece rang me in tears as she was unwell and her little girl was screaming for attention , I was in tears before I got off the phone too!
I love my pets and we both cry buckets when we lose one, there is nothing wrong with being emotional, if more people let their feelings out Im sure the world would be a happier place Xx

Bluegal Wed 15-Aug-18 18:51:37

I cry ...a lot! I actually 'like crying' I think! I cry at stupid things though....like happy endings in movies rather than sad endings? e.g. I cried buckets at Apollo 13 and every time I see it ..I still cry.......... lots of other examples too.

I cried at every single school performance of my children (to the point they said I couldn't go IF I was going to cry)

I also cry when I am in confrontation from anyone - such as at work. I think it is really ANGER but it comes out as crying. To me, its better than 'thumping' someone!!!

I have cried when lost people or pets too.

Actually I think I cry a lot but it doesn't bother me...it is MY way of coping and it isn't anything I've worried about.

Fennel Wed 15-Aug-18 18:54:52

" Jobey68 Wed 15-Aug-18 18:46:02

I've found I cry more now I'm getting older".
I once saw an interview with Warren Mitchell (Till Death ...) and he was asked about how he felt about getting old. He said I cry a lot more.
Another thing he said - If I wake up in the morning without any aches and pains I think 'I must be dead'.smile

travelsafar Wed 15-Aug-18 19:15:03

'Tears are the blood of an emotional wound' you have a wound, your beloved pet has died so cry all you want.

DanniRae Wed 15-Aug-18 19:22:56

I have always cried very easily but I laugh easily too!

ginny Wed 15-Aug-18 19:44:13

No shame in crying for whatever reason. I cry when happy , sad , frustrated angry. Why not ?
I have a good friend whose Husband died last summer. She isn’t able to let go and cry. She seems to have turned into herself . I do wish I could help her in some way but her barriers are high.

seacliff Wed 15-Aug-18 19:52:55

I think it's perfectly natural to cry following the loss of your cat, and also, it happened suddenly. It's not a thing we all talk abut usually, so people all think they are weird for crying.

At the end of the menopause I did cry a lot, partly as there were awful things going on in my life. I hated it, I am not a pretty cryer! In fact today I was watching long lost families, and again there were tears.

After a while I try and do something, or go out for a drive with the windows down, just to take my mind off it all.

Jane10 Wed 15-Aug-18 20:25:29

I well remember blundering down the street crying my eyes out as I hunted and hunted for my wee cat Teenie. She never turned up. We think she was stolen. My poor children were young then and I remember them doing their best to console me which made us all cry even worse. Pets are well loved members of the family.
Do you have other cats about the house?

justwokeup Wed 15-Aug-18 21:16:10

Another cryer here, always have been, sometimes for the most stupid trivial reasons. There are times though when I'd rather not have red blotchy eyes and a beacon nose (news item on the way to work for example) so, to answer your question, I try to distract myself and block out the sad thoughts. A favourite playlist can get me singing and cheered up in no time or, if I can, getting immersed in a book or phoning a friend helps. Also, I find if I'm tired I'm more prone to being weepy so I am trying to get more sleep. It's good to get grief out of the system but for the 'trivial' crying (weepy movies for example) it helps to get it out of your head. Very sorry about your cat, although it must have had such a happy life with you to live so long.

MargaretX Wed 15-Aug-18 23:22:51

I cried a lot after my cat died and then DDs dog. It seemed too much for the family to bear but I also cry a lot at the news just out of utter hopelessness.

Whatever you do don't try to stop- it will pass and then you will feel better.
Sometimes tears just come and I remember crying on the bus going to work reading 'Gone with the Wind' I was so embarrassed and went past my bus stop.

Sheilasue Thu 16-Aug-18 09:22:59

I cry over all sorts of things and I am past the menopause.
Mostly my son who has been dead 11 years this October but other things start me off.
So don’t worry about it I sometimes feel better for it or feel worse so that’s life.
Just carry on doing what your doing and don’t worry.

Rowantree Thu 16-Aug-18 09:24:06

Just note it with interest (the change in how you express/feel emotions and grief) - accept without judging. It's OK to cry and it's OK to feel grief.

When you might need to take action is if the tears and feelings of sadness continue unremittingly for a long period of time because it could be, in that case, that you are clinically depressed. It's not likely to be the case with you though because it's 'normal' to feel sadness and loss after the death of a loved pet. So go with it, look for small comforting things to self-soothe (preferably not food related, but good old tea could help!) - be your own best, comforting friend. Hug yourself, as a dear friend might do. X

sazz1 Thu 16-Aug-18 09:40:06

Getting upset easily can be a sign of anaemia sometimes it can make you feel low. HTH

sarahellenwhitney Thu 16-Aug-18 09:40:14

Anything to do with children or animals turns on my tap.
More sensitive now in my old age.

Applegran Thu 16-Aug-18 09:42:20

As others have said, crying is a normal human response to sad things and losing a cat you've had for so many years is truly sad. If you try to stop yourself crying, you may create new problems - trying so suppress a natural part of ourselves creates inner fights and other issues. So I think you can be kind to the sad part of yourself when you want to cry - don't dramatise whatever it is that makes the tears come, just be simple and go with the feelings and tears. If you aren't creating and repeating a 'dramatic' story about whatever it is (and it doesn't sound as if you are doing that) then the tears are natural and will die away in their own time. Be glad you can really feel your feelings - no one is always happy.

4allweknow Thu 16-Aug-18 09:42:37

Having lost 3 dogs over 50 years the sadness I felt was awful each time. You may well be extra sensitive anyway and the loss of your cat should not be underestimated. I can still cry when I suddenly see a photograph of each pet. The loss seems to be harder as one grows older. Allow yourself to grieve. I used to burst into tears at home, in the street, when anyone mentioned a pet. Somehow just felt the world had crashed. Wait a few months and get another cat. You will realise it is all the circle of life, including grief.

sarahellenwhitney Thu 16-Aug-18 09:52:18

Feel embarrassed though when my tears set's off someone else's. This happened when having to say
good bye to my little dog. This was the vet herself but would they be doing the job they did if they didn't love animals.?

opalyo Thu 16-Aug-18 09:52:25

I cry very easily, but if you need and want to stop, saying "rats" uses different muscles and helps you regain some composure.

sandelf Thu 16-Aug-18 09:55:50

Finding this thread very interesting - I 'overcry' - don't like it, it's upsetting and tiring. Why do men cry so much less?

Grandetante, sincere condolences and a hug.

jocork Thu 16-Aug-18 09:56:55

I cry more easily as I get older - sad things on TV and also happy things. I used to try to stop myself if other people were around but as I'm mostly on my own these days I just let it happen. It does usually make me feel better. Some films are guaranteed to make me cry however many times I see them. Crying over the loss of a pet is absolutely normal too. As others have said, it is natures way of dealing with our emotions. Not crying is likely to cause much worse problems in the long run. I'm so sorry for your loss. flowers

Barmeyoldbat Thu 16-Aug-18 10:07:35

Yes I cry more now, its a great emotional release. Something on the telly that upsets me, tears, upset over something, tears. I am now just a big cry baby as well.

inishowen Thu 16-Aug-18 10:13:18

I wish I could cry to release the sadness at my daughter's marriage breaking up. I cried a lot when I was young but now I bottle it all up. My 20 year old cat died last year. I would love to cried out all the emotion.

FlorenceFlower Thu 16-Aug-18 10:14:09

I am so sorry about the death of your beloved cat, very hard for you now. We both cried and were upset for several days after our beloved cat died.

I found that the Blue Cross website has a very good section on pet bereavement, and also a page where you can write to say how you feel.

www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss

Your cat wasnt ‘just a cat’ but a loving creature who you cared for, we can have more grief over the death of a pet than over some humans who die.

?

Minerva Thu 16-Aug-18 10:32:58

I’m another one who cries at the drop of a hat. Alright when I am on my own but difficult around other people. I was in tears yesterday thinking about how alone my daughter must have felt in hospital facing major surgery two years ago. 12000 miles away I couldn’t get to her and anyway was too ill myself to make the journey. I keep telling myself that these things are in the past now and to live for today and hope for the future. But oh dear, here I go again ?