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(81 Posts)
BBbevan Mon 20-Aug-18 03:08:51

My GD is 12 and has serious BO. She showers every day and wears clean clothes. We have bought her deodorant but she, despite nagging , does not use it. Any suggestions would be welcome.

janeainsworth Mon 20-Aug-18 06:37:15

Why doesn’t she use it?

OldMeg Mon 20-Aug-18 06:43:07

You say ‘we’ so I’m assuming you mean you and her mother? Because I’d hesitate to bring up the subject unless her parents are aboard too.

My GS is 12. His hair smells I’m noticing these days. I ignore it much of the time except when he’s staying overnight then I insist he showers and gives it a good wash.

This is a smelly age, or it can be.

Someone needs to sit down and tell her, gently, that she smells, and that this is probably caused by her growing up, and insists she uses the deodorant if it’s really that bad, and before she returns to school. Other children can be cruel.

OldMeg Mon 20-Aug-18 06:43:42

PS perhaps give her the choice of her own deodorant too.

Marydoll Mon 20-Aug-18 06:44:34

I'm sorry to hear that. We often had that in school with girls who were going through puberty. Sometimes their parents asked us to have a gentle word with them, as other children were commenting on the BO, but they were refusing to use decoders t.
Is it perhaps that she is embarrassed by the fact she is growing up?
Does she have anolder sister or cousin, who could help?

cornergran Mon 20-Aug-18 07:23:01

Our 12 year old had the same issue Bbevan, it’s really not unusual. Once deodorant became part of a daily routine all was well. I wonder if your granddaughter simply doesn’t understand how noticeable the smell can be? Please don’t nag her, perhaps let her choose a product and as marydoll says see if there is someone closer to her age who could be a kindly mentor. Bodily changes can be overwhelming for some young people, it’s a difficult time.

stella1949 Mon 20-Aug-18 07:28:36

I co-parent my 13 yr old granddaughter , and last year she went through that smelly stage. It was making my eyes water to sit next to her !

Since I'm the "surrogate mother" I had the job of impressing on her the importance of using deodorant, along with all the other puberty-related issues.

One day after school I sat her down and spoke really bluntly about body odour. I said that I love her, and that I don't want her to be "that girl" who other girls talk about, the one who has a bad body odour. I want her to be the girl who always smells fresh and nice.

She didn't want to know what I was saying, but I spoke really sincerely about this. I then took her to the supermarket and asked her to pick out which fragrance of deodorant she wanted to use, and we also bought some nice body wash and a body puff. When we got home I showed her how you have to really rub the puff under your arms, not just wipe there as she'd probably been doing. I then demonstrated how to use the deodorant. She has always smelt really nice, ever since.

You say that you bought her some deoderant, but at this age they need more than just being given a product . Do the demonstration of the washing and the application of the product and I'm sure you'll have a good result.

BBbevan Mon 20-Aug-18 09:14:18

Thank you for the replies. Both her Mum, Dad and myself have had gentle talks with her. She came home from school one day and said someone had said she smelled like a pot noodle. She will very happily have long showers or baths but putting on deodorant ,no.
She is very obsessive about things and we feel her latest obsession fills her mind , so she just forgets things.
She is just becoming aware of boys and we are fearful that one will tell her directly that she smells.
She is a beautiful girl, very bright and funny. We are all at a loss as to what to do

Hellsbelles Mon 20-Aug-18 10:35:32

This might seem a bit grim but try this. At the end of the day ask her to place her hand in her arm pit and keep it there for a few moments ( you do the same to yours) then ask her to smell hers and tell her that is what everyone around her can smell and she is not nice to be around.

humptydumpty Mon 20-Aug-18 10:46:25

I agree with the observations on this page, I had the same issue with mine, who was upset when I told her as gently as possible that she smells unpleasant sometime, and that I preferred it to come from me than other children.

The other issue I had was that she was developing underarm hair, and thought that as long as she put deodorant on top of that the problem was solved.

Mary59nana Mon 20-Aug-18 10:53:46

Just a little imput as all good advice has been give
A Deoderant by its self is not enough
It must be combined with a Antiperspirant otherwise it’s just masking the sweat not stopping the perspiration

glammanana Mon 20-Aug-18 10:58:20

We tried everything to get DGD aged 12 to use deodorant after noticing that she had a problem after speaking to her gently about it she agreed to try a product that was cruelty free,she had it in her head deo's where all tested on animals once we convinced her this was incorrect she was fine.
We also made sure she wore a fresh school shirt every day.

Jalima1108 Mon 20-Aug-18 11:00:46

Do be careful what type of deodorant she uses and buy her one without aluminium in it.
Asking her what kind she would like and taking her to choose could be a good idea.

It is not really a good idea to block up the underarm pores with a strong anti-perspirant.

Jalima1108 Mon 20-Aug-18 11:01:55

ps if she has shaved and then used deodorant immediately afterwards, it could sting and that could have put her off.

Nannan2 Mon 20-Aug-18 11:08:47

Im not keen to 'label' children,but i noticed you mentioned "obsessions" and "forgetting things"- my son has same kind of problems- (15) but with him its the showering,he will use deoderant instead to mask the smell of sweat,but he wont use a certain type of deoderant,(the dry sprays,or roll-ons) so yes i would let her choose her own,but,also,he does have obsessions and is forgetful,its come to light now hes got some ASD issues,but 'not enough' to be on the actual ASD spectrum officially,hes a very intelligent boy,and exceptionally good at computers,and video games,but he just doesnt see why its required to shower often!he also wont recognise hunger etc unless i just give him the food and say its mealtime,and im wondering if theres any other issues for your GD? My son does not (seemingly)accept he has to start shaving etc and other things like this as part of 'growing up'?Maybe its just part of getting older for some kids though- but the obbsessions and forgetting things struck a chord and it may be worth thinking about.ive had my older sons discuss all the hygeine thing with my youngest but to him it makes no difference as he just cant see the reasoning behind it!Take comfort from the fact she showers at least! Also,see doctor if she sweats more or more copiously than others- my GD has to see dermatology for this and has botox injections underarms as its such a problem for her.

sluttygran Mon 20-Aug-18 11:10:19

I believe it’s true to say that most pubescent children smell quite strongly. Their sweat is full of rampant and rapidly adjusting hormones.
They will often spend ages in bath or shower without doing much in the way of actually washing the pongy bits, so maybe as Stella1949 suggests, some gentle instruction is needed!

SpringyChicken Mon 20-Aug-18 11:12:26

Just tell her as it is, that school friends will start calling her names and make her life a misery. Sad but that’s how it is, I’m afraid.

Jalima1108 Mon 20-Aug-18 11:15:24

I do remember when my young BIL, about the same age, had a very dirty neck - he would bath regularly but apparently just sit in the bath and perhaps soap a few bits, never washed his neck. hmm
Not quite the same thing, but sometimes 12 year olds need a bit of chivvying!

janeainsworth Mon 20-Aug-18 11:16:51

jalima As someone who has suffered from sweaty armpits since puberty, I couldn’t go out if I didn’t block up my pores with industrial-strength anti-perspirant. blushblush
And the more you worry about it, the worse it gets.
And yes I’ve tried all sorts!!

Jalima1108 Mon 20-Aug-18 11:19:01

I could do with putting anti-perspirant all over my head actually, janeainsworth! That's where I have a problem.
In fact, I did see that as a serious suggestion on a medical website, but haven't tried it.

janeainsworth Mon 20-Aug-18 11:22:12

That sounds seriously weird jalima
(Applying antiperspirant to one’s head, I mean!)

Jalima1108 Mon 20-Aug-18 11:25:00

the hyperhidrosis treatment plan will be similar to that used for other body areas of excessive sweating. For example, products used on the skin at the area of sweating (topical solutions) should be tried first. These may include common over-the-counter antiperspirants containing aluminum chloride and prescription-strength antiperspirants containing aluminum chloride hexahydrate. Of course, as with other areas of the body, strong antiperspirant products can be irritating to the skin of the face, head, or scalp.
Extract from the Hyperhydrosis Society website!

BBbevan Mon 20-Aug-18 11:26:07

Nannan2 exactly like my DGD. No official diagnoses though. Bless her. We love her to bits .

widgeon3 Mon 20-Aug-18 11:31:49

Thank goodness for your response Jalima. There are too many cosmetic procedures nowadays which could prove to be downright harmful

Farmnanjulie Mon 20-Aug-18 11:33:46

I had the same thing with my son at the same age,I kept being reassured by men ,that when he goes to senior school and sees girls ,all will change, he was also not doing his teeth,he is such a lovely lady, people will not be able to get to know him due to the B.O..
I tried everything subtle, hints,buying him his choice of toiletries,and play acting that there is a smell and I hope it's not me,and his dad and pretending to check each other!
That didn't work,it got so bad ,I was in a shop with him and he reached up for a magazine,and it was strong and others noticed ,as his mum I was embarrassed for him and me.
I didn't want it to be from someone else and in a public place,as he would have been devastated!

So the only approach was direct as nothing else worked!
As his mum I thought it should be me who said it,he was very offended!! Very!!! But I explained that if I smelt ,I would want someone who loves me ,to think enough of me to tell me.
And I would tell his dad if he did and he would tell me,out of love and wanting to spare embarrassment.

It helped a lot ,I had to keep nudging him a bit,and reminding him that he wants to make a good impression,and he did get it, he around a deodarising body spray he liked,and the used it,so I found the best way is direct ,I have a good relationship with my granddaughter and I'm sure you have too,as a nan who loves her,you are looking out for her,explain this to her ,and take her shopping so she can pick up some nice smellies,make a day of it,look at the makeup,have a bit of lunch .
She will thank you for it later!