Our relationship is rock bottom. We're two completely different people but we need to move forward somehow and I just need other MIL point of views I think to understand why she does what she does.
My MIL is a very soft person, but I feel sometimes it's a front to get her own way.
Our DD was born 5 years ago and since then she has routinely tried to undermine me and her son as parents. We're quite strict parents, we tell her off immediately when she is trouble, we expect her to sit at meals properly (no tablets phones), bed time is bed time end of.
We both like to teach her to be loving and caring of course and to ask for help when she needs, but also to be independent and confident in herself and I feel like MIL has a major issue with this.
She has always openly and in front of us done the opposite. At the start, we'd pull her up on it and say we do it this way if you don't mind and normally, she would do it for a bit, but go back to her way the next visit.
My husband works away a lot and I've have tried my hardest to make sure that doesn't affect her seeing DD. I take her on bank holidays, family birthdays, I was the one that insist we do alternate christmas but whenever I go, I get ignored and spoken to like a child.
At the moment we haven't really spoken since May. I'll point out now that she still sees our DD with hy DH and has still had her to stay for a whole week over the summer as there is no need for her not to be around DD.
So, the day that kicked this off:
We went round for what we were told was small lunch with SIL as she was visiting. Fair enough, that's what we usually do. Turn up and it's actually a birthday party for DH with his whole half of the family who all seemed to know about it.
I felt hurt and said to DH that I had no idea about this otherwise we'd have brought some of his smaller presents from us along. Our DD was upset to asking "why didn't we bring daddy a party present"
After I said that as his wife, we'd love to have helped and brought some things over including some small gifts. The rely I got was that she thought instead of lunch, she'd ring his family and let the know it's a birthday things instead.
I felt a bit broken by this. It felt like myself and DD aren't considered his family.
We've since said we're expecting our second child and I'm determined for things to be better, but I don;t want to just go back to normal, I want it to improve.
In all of it, she has said that she doesn't do any of these things and I'm making it up, but SIL, BIL and other family members have said they see it.
I guess i want to know:
- Why she ignores what we say as parents
- How do I get her to see that it is a problem that needs to be sorted.
DIL17 Thu 20-Sep-18 16:49:46
JudyJudy12 Thu 20-Sep-18 17:34:21
DIL17 Thu 20-Sep-18 18:05:42
Doodle Thu 20-Sep-18 20:44:55
Baggs Thu 20-Sep-18 20:55:14
MissAdventure Thu 20-Sep-18 21:32:38
Melanieeastanglia Thu 20-Sep-18 21:43:59
M0nica Thu 20-Sep-18 22:27:37
Eglantine21 Thu 20-Sep-18 22:27:53
Jalima1108 Thu 20-Sep-18 22:44:44
Jalima1108 Thu 20-Sep-18 22:49:10
Beau Thu 20-Sep-18 23:19:02
oldbatty Fri 21-Sep-18 00:33:03
Apricity Fri 21-Sep-18 01:35:30
Diktat Fri 21-Sep-18 04:15:31
tiredoldwoman Fri 21-Sep-18 05:38:39
mumofmadboys Fri 21-Sep-18 07:01:39
BlueBelle Fri 21-Sep-18 07:32:40
OldMeg Fri 21-Sep-18 07:56:08
oldbatty Fri 21-Sep-18 08:17:55
notnecessarilywiser Fri 21-Sep-18 08:22:09
Flossieturner Fri 21-Sep-18 10:36:00
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Jalima1108 Fri 21-Sep-18 10:50:36