Good time girl

I still think the idea of asking permission at 17 is odd. Surely the comfortable relationship that should exist between parent and child should mean that each knows implicitly what is or is not acceptable and I would not consider that visit a girlfriend, who is presumably known to the mother and lives locally needed explicit consent. Travelling 100 miles to see her at her university and staying overnight probably would.

I take your point MOnica. I’m not denying there is an amount of control, but like I said I don’t think it’s onesided.

Two people battling to keep their family unit together?

Given that the mother of a 17-year-old is probably no older than my sons (40s) or possibly still in her 30s, I'm quite surprised that she should be using the term 'good time girl' which many of us barely recognise, never mind the next generation.

Oh dear Eglantime you couldn't be more wrong but I wouldn't want to spoil your ability to read minds even if you are utterly de-skilled in this matter.

OK DGD has only been to tea at BF's house once since they met in April oh and a BBQ. I don't know the mother or his sisters (both atUni) but I know his dad as he is a teacher where DGD went to school. BF came to DGD's 18th birthday party, and stayed over. DGD said it was nice but all very proper and best behaviour - and BF says he'd rather be at DGD's house as it's more relaxing and there is a room they can use for themselves. They're both musical and so piano sounds can be heard, guitar and tenor saxaphone.

This is not a case of 2 people battling the family unit together. Which 2 people, me and the BF mother? I never heard such complete nonsense. We are a big family and I've had 4 kids all grown (last one at Uni) and yes she has a BF which is fine. My sons are both married with children, and 1 DIL (mother of DGD) has a very big family and are great fun and very welcoming. BF's parents haven't been invited and I haven't made any comment to son and DIL about this and haven't really thought about it.

Ah well I've had a long break from gransnet or mN which I think will finish me off. I'd forgotten how people make assertions instead of asking questions and dish out advice based on a few lines of text. As some sensible people said I only queried the phrase "good time girl" (my daughter said I wish I was one! Maybe I shouldn't have given background info about BF's mother controlling him. One of his sisters said to him "you just have to stand up to her she's a control freak" and then said their dad was also controlled by her.

Oh and DGD's uni is 30miles from home with good bus and train links.

Been interesting to hear people's thoughts on "good time girl" means to people - DGD didn't think anything of it and I am the last person to try to cause trouble with BF's family or any other family.

nananina I remember when DH and I got engaged an uncle (by marriage) said to me:
'At last - I wondered when you'd settle down, you've always been flighty'!

ps I thought I was a very sensible young woman, the opposite of 'flighty' and I was only 21 at the time.

Jalima I'm sure you were a sensible young woman and the old uncle's comment was out of order. The only thing I can say is that the older generations see things differently but thinking again I think the comment was just rude. I'm sure it hasn't hampered your life in any way!

'*I'd forgotten how people make assertions instead of asking questions and dish out advice based on a few lines of text*

Mainly happens when OPs start a conversation then dont hang about to stay involved in it when that conversation gets going.

If you want opinion based on more than "a few lines of text" then make a more accurate OP and pop back in more than twice to keep it on the right track

I get annoyed when the OP doesn't come back after about 7 or 8 pages and I usually ask "where are you OP" but no one seems to bother because they're too busy telling their accounts of their own life or squabbling between them.

I have looked at my thread every day, sometimes twice but maybe haven't commented as much as I should. I have thanked the people who made helpful comments and a couple to another poster who had things so very wrong. Actually I have come back after a few years break and think I'll stay away. So I am now being critisised for the inaccuracy of my post and you've gone to the trouble of counting how many times I've come back - well here's No.3. I used to be on MN but thought GN was a bit calmer and not so critical but you've shown me I can't do right for doing wrong.

Jalima I'm sure you were a sensible young woman and the old uncle's comment was out of order
My mother was very cross

I'm sure it hasn't hampered your life in any way!
and I am still very very sensible but oh, to be flighty, it sounds fun.

nananina, once you start a thread it ceases to be yours and takes on a life of its own so you can have no control over the comments made.

So I am now being critisised for the inaccuracy of my post
Well you are the one who suggested that your OP wasn't sufficient for people to form an opinion about....

nananina I started a thread a couple of years ago which people responded to in ways I hadn't anticipated and I found the experience very frustrating. What I realised is that people inevitably talk out of their own experience - and so the responses were shaped to reflect their family situations and not mine.

I said upthread that my own sons at age 17 (whilst living at home) still asked permission to go out, but actually it was simply a formality, a courtesy borne out of long family ritual. In practice we discussed things far more than my earlier post indicated.

The phrase 'good time girl' occasionally used to crop up in adoption records to describe birth mothers who had had one child adopted and then came back a year or so later with a second child. Another phrase (that I found particularly repugnant) was, 'she's no better than she should be'.