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Should I move into a retirement property to be closer to DS and DiL

(33 Posts)
NanaElla Thu 15-Nov-18 14:43:47

Hi All, I'm new to Gransnet! I've been reading for a while but I've finally plucked up the courage to join the community. I don't know if I posted this in the wrong forum before so hopefully someone can help? I am 76 and am on my own. My DiL has been suggesting I move closer to them for a while and has recently sent me the link to these retirement properties. I think they are beautiful and have a good offer on at the minute should I go for it? It would be nice to make some new friends too and maybe a retirement village would help me? Thanks in anticipation.

Bellanonna Thu 15-Nov-18 14:59:46

Hello nana Ella. If this is not just a plug for those retirement properties (can’t help the cynic in me) then moving near your DiL, especially as she has asked you to, sounds like a lovely idea. You say the apartments appeal to you, so I’m sure you will be able to make up your own mind about moving. What will you be leaving behind? Do you like the area where she lives? Do get back to us and tell us more, and of course welcome to Gransnet.

NanaElla Thu 15-Nov-18 15:06:57

Thanks Bellanonna for getting back to me so quickly. I really appreciate the help and a chance to talk it through as I don’t have too many friends in my local area anymore. My DiL lives in Stratford Upon Avon so I am looking at Great Alne Park which is in Warwickshire. I like the facilities there and it seems quite sociable. I like the area where my DiL lives too, we can go to the theatre together, but I don’t want to feel like I’m imposing on her and my DS. And although it sounds silly as I don’t have too many friends in my hometown Bath, I have lived in my house all my life, and I know the area, shops etc well, so it would be a big decision to leave.

Izabella Thu 15-Nov-18 15:12:28

So why start another thread but with £20,000 off in the other?

NanaElla Thu 15-Nov-18 15:19:34

Hi Izabella, as I said I didn't know which section of the forum was best to post in. I am ultimately deciding based on the decision to live either near my family with more support or stay in Bath, but the offer obviously makes it a more time sensitive issue, hence I was seeking advice now. Hope that makes sense? Is there a way for me to delete the other thread if this one is better? Sorry I'm new to the forum! Also am I replying properly how do I do the thing where your name is in bold?

DoraMarr Thu 15-Nov-18 15:34:50

Hi NanaElla! You seem very positive about the move, so I would just go for it. By the way, how lovely to read a post from someone who gets on with their Daughter in law!

Bellanonna Thu 15-Nov-18 15:34:51

Hello again NanaElla. There is a useful list just below where you post your message, which shows you how to embolden. (You type an asterisk at each end of the word.)
I’m sure Stratford would be a lovely area to move to. What is encouraging is that the family have actually asked you to be near them. I haven’t checked out the link as I am not planning to move, but as you know the area, it appeals, and there is an offer going on, then I think a change all sounds very positive. It doesn’t sound as though it will be hard to leave your current area, despite having always lived there. Maybe it’s time for a change?

Bellanonna Thu 15-Nov-18 15:37:36

Oh yes, I’ve just seen the other thread

NanaElla Thu 15-Nov-18 15:43:29

Hi Bellanonna and DoraMarr (I hope I've done that right!) thanks for your help both on the platform and with this decision! I really really appreciate it. Yes, I am so glad I get on well with my DiL, and yes perhaps I should take the fact they have asked me as a sign that I would not be imposing too much! I will think about it a little more, and then I might see if my DS and DiL will come and look at the village and area with me.

Bellanonna Thu 15-Nov-18 15:56:58

Sounds like a good idea NanaElla. Best of luck, whatever you decide!

Auntieflo Thu 15-Nov-18 16:02:04

NanaElla nice to be asked to move near family, but what if they should move on in the future?

NanaElla Thu 15-Nov-18 16:06:24

Hi Auntieflo that is a very good point which I had not thought about! I will raise that with them, before I make any major decisions. But I think/hope because they have already moved to Stratford to get away from London and big city life, they will hopefully stay for a while!

M0nica Thu 15-Nov-18 16:15:13

There are pitfalls in living in retirement communities. Maintenance charges can be high and the developer will take a slice of the capital value when it is sold.

But if all of you are happy with the move and no the financial downsides, why not.

When my DMiL moved to be near us, she just bought an ordinary ground floor flat close to us, the doctor, shops and buses and we found that worked just as well and the flat was easier to sell when she died.

NanaElla Thu 15-Nov-18 16:27:25

That's very true M0nica and an idea I hadn't thought of! I will definitely ask about those issues if I do go and visit. Thank you for your help

Madgran77 Thu 15-Nov-18 16:28:48

Well I definitely don't think you should make the decision based on there being a good deal at the moment.

I think you need to sit down and very carefully think about all the pros and cons of a) moving b) staying where you are. Give yourself some time to do this, and go back to your lists a couple of times. Think about what you would be leaving behind (good and bad things) and what you would be gaining/losing if you move. Think about the future as well and how life/health might change. Think about things like friends, transport, home, family in relation to both options. Think about any "non-negotiables" that you have ...things you definitely need in your life regardless of where you are living. Find out about what is available/of interest in the area you might move to; what sort of life could you build for yourself beyond your family?

Once you have done all that you will be able to make an informed decision on what is best for you. Not easy I know but really really important. flowers

Charleygirl5 Thu 15-Nov-18 16:34:28

You must make sure that shops, GP, optician etc are close by and also that there are good transport links to get around. I do not know if you drive now but one must think of the days ahead when one will not be able to drive.

Do you know the general age range of the people who have bought previously and is there a communal room to meet people?

luluaugust Thu 15-Nov-18 16:40:09

You do need to think carefully and some of it must be to do with your health. If you move near to the family into an ordinary flat you need to be able to get out and look for new activities and hopefully friends by yourself. If you feel you want some of that done for you then a retirement property/village could be the answer. Make sure you are not too far from outside facilities as well. Obviously the financial side of taking on a retirement property needs to be looked at carefully.

NanaElla Thu 15-Nov-18 16:47:32

Hi CharleyGirl5 and MadGran77 thank you so much that is really helpful – I definitely have a lot to consider! There does seem to be a communal bar and restaurant and games room, but I don’t know the general age range or about facilities nearby so that is definitely worth thinking about before I make a decision. Although it’s slightly sad to think about a time where I won’t be able to drive, it is hopefully a move that will be for life, so local transport will become very important. In terms of the other things, I think I will have to sit down and make a pros and cons list and start thinking it through. Off the top of my head pros of moving are: close to family, care likely to be available in the future, and more social. But cons are: new place where I don’t know anyone besides my family (don’t want to become dependent) and will have to refind the local shops, doctors etc, also I’ve never moved before so it would be a pretty major life shift moving away from a place I’ve lived in all my life, but hopefully a positive one? I don’t know … definitely a lot for me to consider, thank you all for your help!

NanaElla Thu 15-Nov-18 16:51:34

Thank you luluaugust, I think in terms of the social side a retirement property would be beneficial as I have been struggling to make new friends since some of mine moved away or have sadly passed away. Health wise a retirement property could also be better. I think the financial side is something I will have to look into further, perhaps my DiL or DS will be able to help with that?

TwiceAsNice Thu 15-Nov-18 16:57:07

I have moved to be near my family after living all my life in another area. I have bought a one bedroom flat which is not in a retirement complex. The down for me is high maintenance charges and I really miss my best friend back where Inusec to live. Pro is I see my family most days and I have made friends and found other interests. For me family wins but there are some things to definitely consider. I drive st the moment but this area has got a good free bus service which gets me to all essentials in the future

TwiceAsNice Thu 15-Nov-18 16:57:35

I used to live

NanaElla Thu 15-Nov-18 17:18:28

TwiceAsNice That is very helpful thank you, it's nice to speak to someone who has experienced a similar dilemma. I'm sorry to hear that you are missing your friend back home, I guess luckily or unluckily depending on how you see it, I don't really have a best friend at the moment, but I'm glad to hear you have made friends in your new location too! I think family wins for me too at the end of the day, but I certainly have a lot to consider! Yes maintenance charges would be very different to my current living scenario

Charleygirl5 Thu 15-Nov-18 18:09:51

Maintenance charges are never going to go down and you really must consider the worst scenario re money.

A friend of mine moved out of London to be near family and her nearest general hospital is 90 miles away which is a nightmare to reach. She will be marooned when she can no longer drive. She also did not take into consideration how hilly the area is and she finds it difficult to manage because although the pavements in London are horrendous, on the whole they are flat.

Riverwalk Thu 15-Nov-18 18:58:49

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