Ex Son in Law’s girlfriend dyed the children’s hair!!!!

Can’t the neighbours at next door but two offer any definitive advice?

Its about what is an acceptable thing for a newish girlfriend (not stepmum) to do to someone else’s children. I think dying their hair is crossing the line.

No its not.
Its about the father, who is allowed to "deligate" during his contact time just like a mother is.

I hire babysitters, drop my kids at playdates & parties, arrange sleepovers, drop off and extra curricular activities etc
& I decide who I deem fit to do activities with my kids. The FATHER is okay with his girlfriend doing these activities with the children and it is his decision during his time!

The mum does not get to control their time with dad.

And she's hardly an insignificant fling if he left his ex for her. Sounds like she is a permanent fixture whether you like it or not. And its nice that she is interested in the children, some new partners really arent.

ProudNanna
I am still annoyed on your behalf. To dye a baby's hair without the mother's consent shows a lack of feeling, sense and responsibility in my eyes.
I would expect a proper explanation, apology and a promise never to repeat. If this man and his GF want to be trusted they should show some reason to be.

I am still annoyed on your behalf. To dye a baby's hair without the mother's consent
The FATHER was there to consent.

If this man and his GF want to be trusted they should show some reason to be.
No. They don't.
"This man" is their father and unless there is SERIOUS issues like abuse or neglect, the father is and should be free to chose what the children do during his time with them.

So if the Father wanted to shave his little girls heads bald, that would be ok with you notanan2?

Because according to your criteria, as long as there is no abuse or neglect, the Father and with his permission could do anything to alter the appearance of these two children.

And with his permission his girlfriend.

If thats what the kid wanted and the childs PARENT agreed then yes

My husband often took my kids for hair cuts. Why is a childs hair a mothers domain only?

One of the children was only 2 though.
Do you feel that a 2 year old could make an informed choice to have their head shaved?
Should the father not liase with the child's Mother before making such a decision?

Does the mother liase with the father every time she agrees to them having their faces painted? Or drops them at a party where there are glitter tattoos etc?

Even COUPLES dont do that!
If my other half took one of my girls to a party where there were hsir chalks and temporary tattoos etc I would not expect him to call me at work for a conference before agreeing for them to go ahead..

I wasn't talking face paint or glitter though!
Answer my question!

My husband has taken my kids for hair cuts without me and I didn't know what style the kids would chose till they got back. If they wanted it shaved, fine! So long as it wasnt against school rules OR if it was was done at the start of the long school holidays

The children in the OP didnt get their hair shaved though, just coloured.

How about you answer me now, since my examples are more comparable to hair chalks than yours. Should mothers always liase with the father before agreeing to a temporary tattoo or face painting?

Ok! I'll answer for you!
No! A 2 year old child could not make an informed decision to have her head shaved, or have her hair coloured.
You said, at 23.08 * the Father was there to consent* regarding the hair colouring. And what's more the father is and should be free to choose what the children do during his time with them.
When I asked if that would include him shaving the girls heads bald, on a whim.
You said, .*if that's what the kid wanted and the child's PARENT agreed, then yes*.
So now your saying "if that's what the child wants".
But you won't answer the question I asked, Do you feel that a 2 year old could make an informed choice to have their head shaved?
You are very opinionated notanan2 but under scrutiny your opinions don't hold up.

I might have missed something but I’m assuming this is the wash out temporary fun hair colour you just spray or paint on not the permanent dye you have to sit around for half an hour with. If so, not a huge problem. Who said they’d had their head shaved??

A two year old can't make a very informed decision, so that's why most of them take a parent everywhere with them, who decides on their behalf.
Presumably that is what the father did.

ProudNanna doesn't say if the pink and blue hair dye is more than a spray but in principle, if either parent in a delicate situation as this one sounds like, were to treat the children in a way which went against the other parent's wishes, I would certainly expect an explanation and yes would trust them less
We aren't told if the children's father is good in other ways so it's hard to know the full story.
Are the DC returned warm, fed and happy? Are the baby's nappies changed? I ask because these are all signs of responsible parenting.

I've just looked after our 2 DGC for a few days and nights and DD and DSiL would have something to say if we'd dyed their hair or cut it without asking.

the issue of informed consent by children is important here. If the children are too young to give informed consent, as was the case in this OP, then I would expect both parents to have a view on hair cuts/colours. It isn't as simple as to suggest that the parent who has responsibility on that day, makes the decisions.
Parenting is a joint responsibility, it's tricky when the parents relationship has broken down but parents should still co-parent. that means no extreme hair cuts/colours without agreement of both parents.

At the end of the day this just isn't the end of the world is it! But in this delicate situation I would tend to agree with Iam64 The most concerning statement is that the children's mum is "too intimidated!"

Grammaretto. Another excellent post.

I'd like to make it clear that it worries me not what colour a parent/s etc wish to paint a child's hair or skin as people can do as they wish.
My main concern were the toxins in paint/dye preparations as lots of people have shown severe reactions to certain products and babies/small children no exception.

Before Christmas there was a warning against the " slime " toy for children. A harmless ? bit of fun that children enjoy but within the ingredients there lurked toxins which like any dye would be absorbed in the skin the same as a dye would be absorbed in the scalp.

Maybe I shouldn't care about children's safety,eh ? Afterall they're not mine !