Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

How do I meet someone new?

(56 Posts)
Deni1963 Mon 07-Jan-19 11:41:14

I'm hoping you lovely grans remember me. It's been a year since I found out my ex was having an affair and she was pregnant. He's 52 and I was 54. We don't have children together. Two weeks later a second woman messaged me, he was also having an affair with her. The first terminated the pregnancy.
It's been one of the hardest years of my life, all I believed in totally crushed. I've managed to get back on my feet, and move on, and feel ready to meet someone else.
But dating sites have so far left me feeling this isn't the way for me, I've had maybe 12 dates and just not connecting.
I work as a nanny to a special needs child so don't meet men through work, and although I go out with friends etc, I don't seem to meet men I really want to date.
It's a whole new game. I'm not one to rush into bed with a man, yet this seems to be the course now, I don't even want to discuss sexually preferences etc, yet most men seem to just want to talk about sex! I'm not a prude at all, but don't see why I need to talk about it all before we've met.
So where do I meet someone new? I'm 55 now, and wondering if I will just not have another relationship.

Teetime Mon 07-Jan-19 11:42:46

There are some nice dinner party groups you could join- a friend of mine did that and met some very nice people male and female.

MawBroon Mon 07-Jan-19 11:45:07

I have no really informed suggestions but two of my friends (in their 50’s and 70’s respectively) met their present partners through walking groups. Good luck.

Nonnie Mon 07-Jan-19 11:47:13

I have heard that the dating sites you pay for are much better than the free ones but have no experience,

Perhaps you could simply join a club or society which interests you. Maybe just making new friends in general will lead to something more

FlexibleFriend Mon 07-Jan-19 12:08:29

Paid or free they are all pretty much the same, I think most people are of the opinion that paying gets you no more so why do it.
Some also share your profile with multiple sites so it looks as if they have more members. I haven't been active for the last 18 months yet still receive messages but at least no more dick pics.

FlexibleFriend Mon 07-Jan-19 12:10:23

Try googling meetups in whatever area your in and should find something there to interest you.

Elegran Mon 07-Jan-19 12:19:54

To meet someone new, you have to go to new places. Find your local authority evening class list and choose a course that sounds interesting. In this area there are exercise and sports courses, walking groups (some of these are round historical parts of town, or interesting gardens or houses), starting a musical instrument, various arts and crafts, family history, and plenty of others.

In some areas the list is shorter, but there will be something, and looking online could find some which are not run by the LA. Prices are usulally discounted for older members.

Some subjects have more men at them than others - you probably wouldn't meet many at a knitting and crochet group.

grannyactivist Mon 07-Jan-19 12:32:19

Denil Check out what's on in your area - when my lodger was new to the area she joined several 'meetup' groups, including a social group, walking group and a dinner group; she's now 'going steady (does anyone still say that?) with a chap she met at one of the group meetings.
www.meetup.com/

Beechnut Mon 07-Jan-19 12:50:54

grannyactivist I haven’t heard ‘going steady’ for ages 😃 I think it’s ‘in a relationship ‘ these days.

Alima Mon 07-Jan-19 13:00:06

Hi Denil63, I remember your name but not the awful time you have been through. Do you have enough free time to join a U3A organisation or a rambling group? Or some sort of group in which you have an interest which I now notice grannyactivist has advised! Get a dog, always make friends when you have a dog. Good luck

oldbatty Mon 07-Jan-19 13:22:35

*Deni1963 Mon 04-Dec-17 10:32:25
I have my daughter, partner and 18 month grand daughter here ( that's his main issue) saving for a deposit on a house. I can put his stuff in the shed - locksmith will charge £50 to change lock*

I'm so sorry, I would like to offer advice but your situation seems rather complex. Perhaps seek professional help?

Telly Mon 07-Jan-19 13:34:01

Seems to me that you really need to recover from your past experiences rather than look for a new partner at the moment. You also talk about men you have met online who just want to talk about sex, well I guess that is all they are looking for. I can't think that many women would be willing to engage in this type of discussion with someone they have either just met, or not actually met at all! Time to concentrate on meeting new people and establishing a new life for yourself. If you meet someone along the way then fine. There are lots of good suggestions here so pick some that appeal.

Deni1963 Mon 07-Jan-19 16:22:47

Thank you all for your response. Telly, I'm doing well, have been having counselling and enjoying life again, so I want to meet new people even from a social aspect or dating. I'm not looking for marriage smile
I've emailed Ipswich poetry group, as I write poetry, and would enjoy that and a walking group - and will certainly go through other suggestions! It's hard in many ways reaching mid life and starting all over again - I'm lucky to have a great family and supportive friends, but they all have their lives to get on with.

Deni1963 Mon 07-Jan-19 16:23:58

Thats an old post

Telly Mon 07-Jan-19 17:07:29

Well that's an excellent start. If you have a look at the Ramblers Association they have details of groups, with all levels of ability, that you might find of interest. I met one of my closest friends through a walking group. Open University may also have online or local writing groups too. Good luck.

Deni1963 Mon 07-Jan-19 18:38:39

Thank you. I've joined a few groups. I did an OU course in creative writing - and loved it

holdingontometeeth Mon 07-Jan-19 19:04:19

A creative writing course obviously comes in handy when needed.

Chewbacca Mon 07-Jan-19 19:35:19

Just to reiterate for new members, Denil963 is an established member of GN and has been posting for quite some time.

I remember your original post last year Denil and wish you well in looking to the future.

Gagagran Mon 07-Jan-19 19:36:00

How about going to church? Lots of nice people and associated social events. It's a question of widening your contacts to meet different people. You never know who you might meet.

PECS Mon 07-Jan-19 19:54:38

Whilst the WI is a women's group I have made some good mates through being a member and socialise with them outside of WI events. If you are not looking specifically for a partner then making a new set of women friends may be good for getting over the blow of a bad relationship.

Grammaretto Mon 07-Jan-19 22:52:27

Honestly you are still young and fit so there's no hurry .
As others have said keep doing things you enjoy.
Volunteering? There are conservation groups within the National Trust who repair paths and walls. I think. They always look as if they're having fun.
Keep yourself busy and happy. Happiness is infectious.

Pythagorus Mon 07-Jan-19 23:06:37

My advice would be to learn to love your home, yourself, your family and your friends.

Then join a few things you enjoy and just carry in with your life. When you are open, happy and positive, things come to you. If there is someone you meet who you really like, let it develop naturally. But don’t be desperately seeking. Just live life day by day. X

Fairydoll2030 Mon 07-Jan-19 23:24:30

A friend of mine in her 70’s was widowed 3 years ago. She is interested in nature and wildlife which she photographs and puts on Twitter. She has made many male twitter friends through this medium but has not had a ‘relationship’ with any of them as she is still grieving her DH. However these friendships have given her a new lease of life.
A word of warning though. Too many people put too much information on their twitter pages. My friend even named the street where she lived and posted a picture of her back garden where it adjoined fields. She is very liberal about her holidays and days out, often giving locations. Apparently another friend had a word with her as she too was concerned and now I understand my friend is much more careful with her tweets.
As others have said...find something that interests you and join a club or society. Some day you.ll meet someone who you will be attracted to and maybe want to know him better. Never Give Up x

Ranworth1 Tue 08-Jan-19 09:57:40

After 30 years of being on my own, I met someone special at our local table tennis club. I've also met loads of lovely people in the nearby rambling group. I am 71, and now have someone to go on holidays with and do all the other things that are better when you have someone by your side.

jools1903 Tue 08-Jan-19 09:58:50

I’ve been on my own for over 8 years and have tried various dating sites which have been awful! However, a couple of months ago I found one called Zoosk which has thrown up many decent men looking for friendship maybe leading further. I have now met two nice men one of whom is more than perfect for me - he wants to take things at my pace and we have the same interests so, fingers crossed, this could be the start of a new friendship/relationship 😍