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husband swore in front of dil and grandson

(39 Posts)
PINKY57 Tue 29-Jan-19 21:35:22

My husband had too much to drink the other day and said to my son that my grandson was hyper -he is only 9 months old and that he should teach him how to behave,- the argument escalated and they were both swearing at each other. my dil said to me the following day that she does not want her son exposed to such language, I am scared she will keep him away from me and not come to our house,

sodapop Tue 29-Jan-19 21:39:03

Sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other. Father and son should reduce their drinking if it makes them aggressive. I think apologies all round are in order here.

Niobe Tue 29-Jan-19 21:39:43

I don't blame her! Your husband is an offensive oaf!

sodapop Tue 29-Jan-19 21:45:58

Well don't hold back Niobe

MissAdventure Tue 29-Jan-19 21:47:59

It'll be hard not exposing her son to that language, considering your son was swearing too, but in keeping with childish arguments : points to your husband > He started it!

notanan2 Tue 29-Jan-19 21:49:07

I dont blame her TBH
His comments about a nine MONTH old are quite scary, more so than the swearing!
What do you think about his behaviour?

notanan2 Tue 29-Jan-19 21:51:51

It'll be hard not exposing her son to that language, considering your son was swearing too

There is a whole spectrum of swearing. If for example the DH was swearing about the 9 mth old that is quite different from being told by father of said 9 mth old to not **ing speak about a baby like that (for example..)

notanan2 Tue 29-Jan-19 21:52:54

Sounds like its not so much that he was swearing, but how aggressively he was swearing, and what he was swearing about!

MissAdventure Tue 29-Jan-19 21:57:04

Well, I wouldn't be waiting around to see who's swearing was more polite.
A drunk grandad thinking he's the authority in child rearing would have done for me.
I'm sure it will blow over though. It sounds as if tempers flared.
Hopefully things will return to normal, pinky; it must have been awful for you and your daughter in law.

CatMum59 Tue 29-Jan-19 22:03:37

How can a 9 MONTH old baby be "hyper"? Do your husband and son often get drunk and shout at each other? I'd be more concerned about that, rather than the actual words they used.

Bathsheba Tue 29-Jan-19 22:03:52

my son, my grandson, I am scared she will keep him away from me

Am I right in thinking your DH is not your son's father PINKY? If so, does he have AC of his own? Just wondering if the family dynamics are the problem here.

Elrel Tue 29-Jan-19 22:05:41

Pinky - You might find it easier to visit DiL on your own for a little while. More relaxing for both of you.

MawBroon Tue 29-Jan-19 22:09:05

Teacup, storm?

PINKY57 Tue 29-Jan-19 22:14:23

My DH is the father of my son,I think he was totally out of order as well,but my son did the right think and left otherwise it would have been worse.I am hoping/praying that she will still let me see my Grandson,I’ll be heartbroken I’d dhe doEs not and I have toldDh I will never forgive him.

notanan2 Tue 29-Jan-19 22:33:43

Did you intervene at all? If you appeared to condone and didnt defend your nine MONTH old grandson then maybe she will assume you and your DH are in the same boat on this.

It really depends on how you reacted IMO. In defence of the GC or the drunk horrible DH or not at all.

P.s. his attitude to a vulnerable little 9 month old is so horrible OP that it makes me worried for you? How do you manage living with such a vile volatile man?

PINKY57 Tue 29-Jan-19 22:43:48

I have managed so far with lots of counselling,but have now decided I can’t take any more,I need to explain I am Asian and divorce does not happen in our culture and I have stayed because of my son,but I will not allow him to spoil my relationship with my dil.of course I defended the baby.

MissAdventure Tue 29-Jan-19 22:46:04

Have you spoken to your son, since, pinky?

Jalima1108 Tue 29-Jan-19 23:32:40

I wouldn't want someone 'drinking too much' in front of a small child either, not to the extent that he cannot control what he says - in fact both of them.

Perhaps you and your DIL should ignore both the men and their swearing and continue to meet with the baby on your own.
Or is it time you and she both stood up to these men?

mumofmadboys Wed 30-Jan-19 00:00:06

Sorry to hear of your problems Pinky. Would your DH apologise to your DIL for his behaviour if you asked him to?

Tartlet Wed 30-Jan-19 00:30:10

Pinky, would it be possible for you to still have a relationship with your daughter in law and grandson even if there are issues between your husband and son?

PINKY57 Wed 30-Jan-19 00:52:48

I really hope so

gmelon Wed 30-Jan-19 02:52:22

Try and quietly put this behind you. Tread carefully towards your goal of a relationship with your DIL and GC
Advice can be had from helplines no matter who we are culturally or our religion.
Your daughter in law may need you more than you realise. Be there for her.

Dolcelatte Wed 30-Jan-19 05:17:27

It sounds as though you have the biggest problem Pinky if you are living with someone who behaves in such a way that you have had to have counselling. It clearly wasn't a one off and from what you've said about his behaviour it sounds as though you may be in an abusive relationship. You don't have to put up with it, regardless of your religion. I would advise you to seek advice from both Women's Aid and a solicitor and take steps to put things right, maybe by joint counselling with your husband to try to see if the marriage can be fixed but, if not or if he won't engage, then take steps to institute separation (maybe divorce later but the main thing is to get yourself out of the current situation).

I know it will be hard but think what is at stake - the risk of losing your grandson and any other future grandchildren.

Have courage, don't be a martyr, you can do it. It will be hard but so worth it.

BlueBelle Wed 30-Jan-19 07:00:12

I think DolceLatte is right Pinky I would think there is much more to this story than what your original post suggests
Are you in an abusive relationship ? are you living with an alcoholic? Has it always been like this? Do your husband and son get on usually?
Hopefully this will blow over but don’t please stay if your marriage is abusive no matter where you come from
Good luck

Anja Wed 30-Jan-19 07:40:56

Seek out your son and DiL and have a good heart-to-heart with them. Perhaps you can arrange to see them mainly when your husband isn’t around or/and at their house?

I’m sure your son knows what his father is like so unless this was a one-off you need to talk to him,