17 month old being denied solid food

Lavazza, I feel so sorry for you and your poor DGS. What a truly awful situation and (sorry) but your DS sounds really horrible. I knew they were a bit obsessed with formula in China because I have been following the issues in Australian supermarkets with smuggling etc. but your situation is heart rending. They are clueless as you say and after everything you may lose contact with DGS anyway as DIL may be forced to return to China and her parents will bring him up in their way after all. I don't know what to suggest but can only hope that they are telling the truth at the walk in centre and getting a good telling off about the way they're carrying on. All you can do is keep feeding the child and hope she doesn't force feed him too many bottles. What a mess. ?

My son and his wife are jobless and living with us.
Yeah they just came to England two weeks ago.

not to mention the strange food the little boy has to get used to!
Then my husband caught her making three bottles of formula this morning.

Poor DIL, she's probably really nervous of you both. You poking around in their room, your DH watching what she does in the kitchen.

Give them a chance!

Gonegirl Sat 09-Feb-19 16:34:47

Yes

Chinese babies are weaned on congee, a watery rice porridge. Congee is a great base to mix with other foods, such as puréed pulses and vegetables. Chinese mums often include ginger and garlic.
Buy some congee
or baby rice

have you taken DIL food shopping? She might be interested to have a look round.

Chinese custard buns do sound delicious. And probably no worse than many UK littleun get for breakfast. www.thehongkongcookery.com/2018/08/chinese-custard-buns.html

Sounds like your DiL has issues which are not just cultural. I don’t think you can blame her fixation on milk on her culture. Traditionally, Chinese diet does not have much in the way of dairy products and formula milk has not been used ( maybe that’s why the manufacturers are seeing a potential huge market). Chinese babies would have rice with maybe mashed vegetables or bean curd, a little fish etc. Proper Chinese cooking has lots of vegetables, beans and rice, noodles, bean curd and less meat and fish than in the western diet. So maybe she thinks it’s the Western way to have lots of milk. Sounds like a bit of education needed. Maybe there is a Chinese cultural centre if you are in a city with any sort of Chinese population, where she could get cooking advice? Other than that, she should definitely be seen by the health visitor.

Yum!

I had a Portuguese custard tart for lunch
(warm from Lidl)

I expect your DIL is very homesick, it must be like going to live on a different planet. She may not understand about the feeding and thinks you are force feeding her baby and all the foods you mention chipolata, baked beans! are probably alien too. It must be very difficult for you in your own house, somehow you have to get talking with your son, not in a ganging up sort of way but being as practical as possible. He sounds as if he is not coping with the change either and two weeks is a fairly short time to find a job.

Sounds like formula is very popular over there. www.mintel.com/press-centre/food-and-drink/three-in-four-chinese-mums-feed-their-baby-organic-infant-milk-formula

Yes, they have been stealing it from Australia according to another poster (another thread? or this one?)

not the Chinese - Australians as far as I know and smuggling it to China.

I think you are way way over involved You go round checking on hidden milk tins
Having lived in the Far East the Chinese love children and are normally very caring of them
Some babies live off milk for the first two years or more and honestly it’s not up to you to try and change them or be involved in any marital problems
If they ve only been here two weeks welcome and make a friend of the young lady instead of an enemy it’s not for you to change her or question her culture just because it’s different to yours

Very very judgemental post Beau how do you know the daughter in law is ‘really horrible’ and five bottles a day is not force feeding the baby isn’t a goose

M0nica, that was pretty rude. Yes I am sure where she came from, but it was only two weeks ago and the baby hasnt seen the HV yet. No doubt when he does, it will be challenging for her.

only two weeks ago

don't be surprised if they go back again before long.

Beau, they didnt go to the walk in centre and he still has a really congested chest, so bad that he can barely speak I have made suggestions about steam baths and seeing the dr but they insist hes fine. Its quite difficult to ignore as I'm a caring person and our house has very thin walls so I can hear Gs struggling.

They do need to see the GP - he has probably caught an infection from the plane.

well - not the plane itself
from other passengers

Jalima1108 if they go back, it will be because they arent meant to be here.
Quite honestly, perhaps they should have let her family bring him up. I'm sure they would do a much better job and as theyve been with him sice birth, they are really missing him.

BlueBelle I said OP's son sounds really horrible, telling her to get up at 5am and go to market etc. - the DIL just sounds a bit clueless.

Gonegirl, I have...but hes having marital problems and is trying to keep her happy.

All we keep hearing about is the ’terrible’ daughter in law where’s you son in all this decision making

Bluebelle hes being a wimp.

Hello Lavazza1st - I am an English 'mum' to a Chinese couple and 'grandmama' to their lovely daughter. When the young woman first arrived in the UK it was to join her Hong Kong born husband who had lived here for almost twenty years. She was understandably completely shell-shocked for the first year; she listened to Chinese music, watched Chinese TV and really struggled to master even very simple English or to engage with English people. Fortunately she eventually allowed me to befriend her and two years after her arrival they had a daughter. (I was present at the birth.) The young mum was determined to do her absolute best for her little girl, which she believed meant giving her as much formula milk as possible, for as long as possible. I didn't want to persuade her to give her little girl an English diet, but I did want her to be confident that the little one's diet was nutritionally sound. I found a wonderful resource from Hong Kong and it was so helpful because it was written in both English and Chinese. We prepared the food together and we laughed a lot at my ignorance about Chinese foods and she learnt a bit more English. The Booklet I found has been updated and reproduced.
www.fhs.gov.hk/english/health_info/child/14732.pdf

I hope you can find it in you to understand what a huge wrench it is for your daughter-in-law to leave her home and family and all that is familiar - and find ways to bond.

luluaugust actually I bought Chinese foods but she rejected them and said I did not cook them in the right way- plus I offered her the chance to cook instead of me but she did not want to. The meal last night was cooked by my husband and gs liked it a lot.

BlueBelle, 'force feeding' on top of solid food I meant - we have the opposite here, DGS would live on milk - HV just told us yesterday to cut it down to 2 cups a day and insist he eats solid food and drinks water, so it was fresh in my mind how filling even ordinary cows milk is, let alone formula.