@lulaugust you may be right. We can't live beyond our means and we aren't a well off family but we do support our own and we are supporting them while son looks for work and beyond til he has money to rent a place. After we bought everything they could possibly want or need for our Grandchild, we expected they would be happy.
I do feel like saying "what did your last slave die of!" but I won't. Her Grandma spoilt her and did all the washing, cleaning, cooking and babycare- so naturally she will miss that. But I expected her to realise things here are culturally different. Before she came, I arranged to take a long lunch each day to care for the toddler between 12 and 2 so she could have a break. This was a huge compromise for me.
I'm sure she must be homesick and missing the Chinese way of life. I think they should have come for a holiday really, rather than trying to come to live in a country she doesn't seem to have researched and customs she doesn't seem willing to embrace. But I'm not going to say that!
I have done everything possible to be kind and nice. It's probably not enough, but I am only human and we also care for elderly relatives and still have kids in education at home too.
My husband does not want to make them "too welcome" so he will not be changing the things they don't like because he does not want them living with us long term. They aren't paying rent or anything, so we feel they should be grateful for our support and see it as a stop gap. Both of us have been really ill since they came, due to the stress they've caused. DH doesn't have time to work on the house, has a manual job and gets very tired due to copd and age. So they will have to put up and shut up.