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17 month old being denied solid food

(171 Posts)
Lavazza1st Sat 09-Feb-19 14:22:38

My son and his wife are jobless and living with us. Their 17 month old is being fed five full bottles of follow on formula a day and they wake in the night to give him bottles as well. As a result the toddler is not eating much solid food. A few times we've given him fruit and my daughter in law gets really upset that he may not drink his milk! I have tried to explain to her that he only needs one pint of milk a day and should be getting his nutrition from three good meals a day, but she ignores this and has hidden milk powder in their bedroom!
If they were living in their own house I'd not say anything, but they are living in our house and the little one really wants food! He absolutely loves some of the meals we've prepared! (His parents are being lazy and have prepared no meals and done no housework!) Also, they spend all their time on their phones and don't want us to engage with him because they say he should play alone. It's really difficult to see a child so apathetic and joyless. She's from China and I think their ways are different. What should I do???

Lavazza1st Tue 12-Feb-19 09:34:56

@Bluebelle yes the baby's cough is better and he has his voice back. I wouldn't say she's "the much disliked daughter in law" as I did like her until she started to be so unreasonable.

Gonegirl Tue 12-Feb-19 09:50:34

Alexa thanks for replying to my post but I really don't care anymore. #willtolive grin

Gonegirl Tue 12-Feb-19 09:55:14

Can't see what "stress" you've had Lavazza1st. Any you may have had I think you've brought on yourself. Did you meet her before having her come to live with you? She probably simply doesn't like you.

Let her stay in her room if she wants to. If it were me, that would suit me fine. Get on with your own life.

Gonegirl Tue 12-Feb-19 09:56:22

MissAdventure - reality check - there is nothing we can do.

Anniebach Tue 12-Feb-19 09:58:27

How long has your daughter in law lived in this country ?

Gonegirl Tue 12-Feb-19 10:01:45

Take the pram cover to Oxfam.

Gonegirl Tue 12-Feb-19 10:02:08

baby blanket

Madgran77 Tue 12-Feb-19 10:23:21

gonegirl if you really cant see the stress the OP has had then shock

luluaugust Wed 13-Feb-19 09:58:29

Obviously the main concern on this thread is the baby's welfare but I am afraid your standard of living is not up to your DIL's expectations and what you or your son can do about this I don't know. Homesickness and shock at such a different way of life must be difficult for her, I wonder if she thought you had servants and a lot more money.

GrannyIris5 Wed 13-Feb-19 10:08:52

I work in a post office and the Chinese are always sending boxes of formula milk back home

Alexa Thu 14-Feb-19 13:58:24

Agnurse, I agree and the sooner registered st a practice the better.

Lavazza1st Sat 16-Feb-19 11:32:53

@lulaugust you may be right. We can't live beyond our means and we aren't a well off family but we do support our own and we are supporting them while son looks for work and beyond til he has money to rent a place. After we bought everything they could possibly want or need for our Grandchild, we expected they would be happy.

I do feel like saying "what did your last slave die of!" but I won't. Her Grandma spoilt her and did all the washing, cleaning, cooking and babycare- so naturally she will miss that. But I expected her to realise things here are culturally different. Before she came, I arranged to take a long lunch each day to care for the toddler between 12 and 2 so she could have a break. This was a huge compromise for me.

I'm sure she must be homesick and missing the Chinese way of life. I think they should have come for a holiday really, rather than trying to come to live in a country she doesn't seem to have researched and customs she doesn't seem willing to embrace. But I'm not going to say that!

I have done everything possible to be kind and nice. It's probably not enough, but I am only human and we also care for elderly relatives and still have kids in education at home too.

My husband does not want to make them "too welcome" so he will not be changing the things they don't like because he does not want them living with us long term. They aren't paying rent or anything, so we feel they should be grateful for our support and see it as a stop gap. Both of us have been really ill since they came, due to the stress they've caused. DH doesn't have time to work on the house, has a manual job and gets very tired due to copd and age. So they will have to put up and shut up.

Lavazza1st Sat 16-Feb-19 11:34:39

Please note, I have not said ANY of the above TO them! I'm not a horrid person! We don't really feel they have thought things through though...

BlueBelle Sat 16-Feb-19 12:02:08

I think you are putting so much emphasise on the poor daughter in law, why not the son he’s the one who didn’t think it through and brought her here, to live with his already busy/ill/ hard working / not very rich family ...poor girl
You keep going on about cultural difference but nothing really jumps out you say she was spoilt rotten my her grandmother I can think of many many English girls who are spoilt rotten by family that not cultural at all

You have two choices get on with life helping where you can with a pleasant heart or ask them to leave and let your son sort his own family dynamics out, but to do everything so reluctantly is really going to be detrimental for you all

Lavazza1st Sat 16-Feb-19 15:26:15

Yes its my son who has no doubt lied about a "land of milk and honey" to get her here. He can be very manipulative and has done his utmost to beat me into (his) submission. He has failed though, so is now resorting to taking pot shots against me and making sure we can't spend time with the baby.

As I said, before they came I agreed to take care of the baby between 12 and 2 every day and I have been helping where I can, as cheerfully as I can. Obviously I've said things here which I've kept to myself. My son has been trying to create drama and I do believe he doesn't want his wife and I to talk because he has been worse to me since I've been including her in things.

Marmight Sat 16-Feb-19 19:27:04

I'm in Australia at present. Baby formula is restricted to 2 purchases per customer per visit in the supermarkets as the Chinese are trying to buy it by the trolley load and causing a shortage. They take/send it back to China where apparently each tin can be sold for up to 200 Au dollars which is around £112 shock

Jalima1108 Sat 16-Feb-19 20:38:53

Is that because of the contaminated baby milk scandal? I thought that they had overcome that.

Cold Sat 16-Feb-19 20:46:50

2 weeks is such a short time and I can totally understand the mum wanting to focus on feeding things that are familiar to her. There are bound to be huge cultural differences in what is considered good/bad food.

I remember when I had my children in Sweden there were a lot of feeding traditions that seemed very odd to me. Babies are given a lot of liquid foods such as serving a type of runny porridge/gruel (välling) in a bottle twice a day to babies from 6 months until around 8-9 years. From a UK perspective giving porridge in a bottle seemed very strange as you are told not to add grains or rusks to bottles but the Swedes swear by it. They also give toddlers a butter or cheese made from caramelized goat milk (mesmör/ mesost) which are totally disgusting imho - but they feel the same about marmite!

Marmight Sun 17-Feb-19 06:43:16

"China's tainted milk scandal, combined with the scrapping of the one-child policy, poor long-term breastfeeding rates and clever marketing, continue to drive strong demand for formula."

Lavazza1st Wed 20-Feb-19 11:40:34

@Cold that sounds odd and a bit yukky, but yes of course other cultures find marmite gross smile
If the Mum would actually plan his meals, I would be totally happy but she takes no interest. In the absence of effort/interest/input I have been doing my best to provide a range of nutritionally balanced meals.
There ARE many Chinese supermarkets nearby where she could go and buy him familiar foods, but she does not. I have gone there a few times, but he does not seem keen on the things I bought and everything is in Chinese.
I have now succeeded in getting them to register with a Health Visitor! (Hooray!)

@Marmight yes there is a lot of profit to be made on milk powder in China, though I hear that the government are trying to crack down on this now. Apparently people were taking it over the border from HK into mainland China but now only one tin a day can be taken per person.