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my heart broke today....

(143 Posts)
Morgana Wed 20-Feb-19 18:37:26

when DD said that my precious GD1 had said that she did not like the colour of her skin. She wants to be white like Mummy. She is 4.
Any suggestions as to how to handle this?

Day6 Thu 21-Feb-19 15:37:18

As for your dear GD Morgana I think little girls tend to want to be like someone else every day of the week. When she was four one of our DGDs said she wanted to look like the Little Mermaid and have a tail. She has wanted to look like Beyonce too, now she is 8.

She is growing up in a multicultural society and colour of skin just isn't an issue, or shouldn't be. I have always told my children that everyone is different from us and that difference is a wonderful thing and it would be horrible if we were all identical.

I wouldn't make a big issue of it. Little brains tend not to dwell on anything for long, unless they are reminded all the time of an issue. As we all do, pay her (honest) compliments about her talents, her kindness, her character, her little idiosyncrasies etc. I agree with others that we shouldn't be putting much store on looks and describing little girls as beautiful Princesses etc.

Grandson thought it would be good to be orange like Nemo the other week. grin I almost dug out a picture of a certain President for him, but I didn't really want to have that conversation. grin

Elegran Thu 21-Feb-19 15:38:17

I must add that this term seems to have died out now.

nanasam Thu 21-Feb-19 15:46:44

According to Blue Mink -
All we need is a great big melting pot,
big enough to take the world and all it's got
Keep on stirring for a hundred years or more
And turn out coffee coloured people by the score.

Won't that be good, when everyone looks the same and racism will no longer exist. Mind you, some people will find something, anything, to discriminate against.

Elegran Thu 21-Feb-19 15:55:22

Feet size?

PECS Thu 21-Feb-19 15:57:18

Colour of ones skin is very important. It is part of a person's identity and does affect how people respond and behave within a community.

nanasam Thu 21-Feb-19 16:04:45

Elegran grin

Coolgran65 Thu 21-Feb-19 16:17:12

My parents both had black hair and blue eyes. My brother is the same. I had red hair, fair skin and freckles. Obviously a throw-back.

My son also has magnificent red hair but few freckles and he will take a tan whereas I am bleached white all year round. When he was born he had a full head of hair and was the joy of the maternity ward.

40 years ago, as a family we lived in North Africa when ds was 18 months. He played with the other local toddlers in the local play park. They loved to touch his hair.
I sat on a bench and the other mothers and myself smiled at each other and gestured positively. I have a lovely photograph of that day. It's a close up of my ds popping a sweetie from a packet he is holding straight into the mouth of a beautiful little local girl.

Ds and I were the only white people in the park. As far as I was aware noone was being obvious and looking at me in any negative way. Possibly I was of interest to them. I hope I was. That's how we learn. They likely had never heard a broad Ulster accent before !!. They certainly were of interest to me.

I'd reckon OPs little dgd's remark is quite normal... we notice something different and wonder what that would be like. Next day we notice something else different and that takes place of what we saw/thought the day before.

We are indeed becoming a bit of a melting pot,
Let the dear child revel in the differences.

MissAdventure Thu 21-Feb-19 16:18:37

My little cousin cried because she wanted spots all over her face like I have (moles)
I think it's being blown up out of all proportion.
Particularly when it's leading to arguments and accusations of racism on here!

queenofsaanich69 Thu 21-Feb-19 16:35:06

This is a good opportunity to dig out any old family stuff and explore genealogy,explain about DNA and how marvellous it is we have the good bits from previous generations,how exciting history is etc.The Spanish/French connections in U.K. We are all unique and different,inside and out ? This is a chance to explore things just with him.

Newatthis Thu 21-Feb-19 17:48:49

It doesn't matter what colour peoples skin is - as the song say 'everything is beautiful in its own way own way' and I guess that goes for people as well.

Annaram1 Thu 21-Feb-19 17:51:08

If you are by chance a racist grandma, do not forget that you may well find your grandchild will fall in love with somebody of another race. What will you do then? Remember that lovely Jewish lady politician who talked about egg production having salmonella? She married a non-Jew, and her father disowned her and her children. (Sorry but I cant remember her name). The loss was his. In London one third of Jews and one third of black people are in a relationship with white English people. This is happening all over the world. Even in South Africa. Even in the USA, Even in Australia and New Zealand. Maybe not yet in North Korea. It is even rumoured that Hitler had some Jewish blood. So just accept it. All part of God's great plan.

Jalima1108 Thu 21-Feb-19 17:52:26

Edwina Curry
she who had the affair with John Major

Jalima1108 Thu 21-Feb-19 17:53:27

was that racist or religious though?
I know someone who was disowned because she married out of the Jehovah's Witnesses.

PECS Thu 21-Feb-19 18:16:14

Most British Jews are white English people.. well that's how my friends think of themselves confused

Chewbacca Thu 21-Feb-19 18:17:04

Craicon at 12.07 today, you wrote:
he looks like Sabu from the Jungle

That’s one of the most shockingly racists comments I’ve read on here in a very long time. I can’t believe that it hasn’t been deleted by the moderators and that a few other posters are trying to minimise the harm that continued use of such outdated stereotypes can cause?

That isnt Ellan wrote in her post at 20.17 yesterday is it? You missed off a very important, and integral to the context of her statement didnt you? She didnt say "He lokks (sic) like Sabu from the jungle". She said he looks like Sabu from Jungle Book.

That missing little word puts an entirely different slant on her post. By all means step in when someone has made an offensive or racist statement. But don't chop off salient bits of their post and then shriek "racism". Its untrue, unfair and unjust.

Elegran Thu 21-Feb-19 18:20:12

Leaping to conclusions!

PECS Thu 21-Feb-19 18:21:15

For absolute clarity Sabu from the* jungle** films.* is actually what was posted

Nonnatimesfour Thu 21-Feb-19 19:01:59

An old friend of mine had very dark hair and she had two sisters, one was quite blond and the other had ginger hair, all from the same parents, it is interesting seeing the results of family genes and yes Sabu was gorgeous and a compliment to be likened to him.

glammagran Thu 21-Feb-19 19:19:19

When I was a small child my mother who had some Indian heritage got a pure black kitten she named Sabu. He was a lovely cat I remember well. You could definitely see Indian in my mother but I’m blond with green eyes as are all my descendants (most with blue eyes). 2 of my grandchildren look very Nordic indeed. One day we may be surprised....

NanaWilson Thu 21-Feb-19 19:24:44

My four year old DGD said she doesn’t like her blonde hair, she wants pink. It maybe something as simple as that

Wotl3y Thu 21-Feb-19 19:33:05

Due to SS cancelling my D visit from my GD. This has taken its toll on my D Mental Health. We are feeling extremely let down. What can I do?

Jalima1108 Thu 21-Feb-19 19:42:40

Perhaps you should start a separate thread Wotl3y?
You may find some help then, your post could be lost on here.
smile

Fennel Thu 21-Feb-19 19:43:40

NanaWilson wrote:
"My four year old DGD said she doesn’t like her blonde hair, she wants pink. It maybe something as simple as that"
Good point.
Don't take it too seriously Morgana. There's much worse to come! grin.

Jalima1108 Thu 21-Feb-19 19:48:11

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

shirleyhick Thu 21-Feb-19 20:22:44

When my niece asked my sister this question she reassured her that she was beautiful and very lucky to have that colour skin she also brought her a range of dolls of different races and that helped.