Pictures

I get annoyed if my family share pictures of ME on the internet without my permission, let alone the continual stream of their children's pictures for all the world to see. I hate this idea that everything and everyone has to be photographed and shared. What happened to personal privacy and respect?

Sorry but YABU. Her child, her choice. As many have said already, once on the internet you have no control over what happens.

My twins were friends with a young lady whose father was in prison. We always said no to photos with her, because we didn’t want the photos shown to him. Mother respected our wishes.

Imagine our horror when the estranged grandmother casually told us she had shared photos she had taken (without our knowledge or consent) with him. He was on the sex- offenders wing of his prison and had shown those photos around. So there are potentially dozens of sex offenders who know what my children look like, and where they live.

And who knows if those pictures haven’t been shared elsewhere in the U.K. or abroad?

Not the same - but not so different.

Respect her desire to allow her children some privacy - the advent of social media, even that we deem private, has taken away this right.

I don't think it matters if your DIL is right or wrong about the photos. I think the important thing is should you respect her wishes in this matter or not? I say you should - if you value your relationship with her.

There's a chance that any photo posted on the social media sites can be hacked by all sorts of unsavoury people - paedophiles etc. (this is a fact- any very easy to do by those who know how- a friend's son works in the police department that deals with this sort of horror). They then are manipulated and sold on the dark web. Therefore your DiL and on are absolutely right not to want any photo of their child send without her permission to anyone she doesn't know.

If you want to share -ask- it's simple. If she says "No" then don't do it. She has said she doesn't want it done without her permission, that seems fine to me-her child, her choice.

So many Children nowadays are fostered or adopted , often from awkward or dangerous circumstances , so I can understand schools and groups having to ask permission .
There may just be a wariness on the part of ordinary parents too , there are some very odd folks out there , and we have no idea who is lurking on facebook

As others have said, you have no control over what people will do with your pictures once you have sent them. Hard copy is safer for sure.

Yes you are being unreasonable - how do you know that what you send electronically to your friends won’t get posted on somewhere else even by accident - you must get the parents’ permission and they too in turn must get their childen’s permission when they are old enough before they go posting the pics on Facebook.

This rule imposed by parents of young children seems to be the norm now, so I think you have to accept it or risk a fallout.

Of course you must respect the parents wishes. It is perfectly normal for parents to keep their children off line. The media is full of horror stories of paedophiles.
It is simply common sense, and even sharing with friends is a breach of trust.

I realise that this has never crossed your mind. It wouldn't for most of us but there are some really wicked people out there who superimpose the faces of our beloved children or grandchildren onto images of children being sexually abused and involved in child pornography.
I work with the survivors of child sex abuse and incest and the brave and broken people who come for help would break your heart. So please think very carefully about who might be able to illegally access your photos.

I agree with other posters, don't send the photos anywhere.

As for paedos, they may be after children they see on the internet, but don't forget if they are after a child they can see them in parks etc. We now live in a different world to when we were young, although when I was 11 a paedo tried to get me to go with him, and then tried to get me into a phone box for a kiss, He only let me go when I started crying and said I was afraid he would murder me.

Speechless .... but each to their own, we can’t all think alike. I just feel sorry for all grans who have to spend their time treading on eggshells.

YABU, and if you value your future relationship with this new family you will entirely respect their wishes. DiL hasn't even totally banned you sending photos, just asked that you run any proposed email photos past her first, she sounds sensible and caring, cherish her, respect her wishes, and your relationship will thrive!

Angel - your DGS is just one month old. Let it settle a while and I expect there may be room for compromise.

I post but not often and I never identify names or places.

Also, check your security settings

As a teacher , I’m all too aware of the dangers of social media regarding children . It’s just about keeping our beloved ones safe .

Q- Am I being unreasonable- A-Yes you are being unreasonable -

Her message is there for you to listen to so open up your ears to her words being 'repeatedly' told to you

It's about respecting their wishes, not everyone wants their children's photos on FB etc. If you do so and they are unhappy about it, you could be storing up problems with them further down the line. As a proud new grandparent it's natural to want everyone to see your new grandchild....but not on social media.

1. The instant you share a photograph, you have completely lost control of it.

2. The internet is forever

3. The internet never forgets.

Personally, I don't think you are being unreasonable. I do think we are becoming over sensitive. It will get to the point where we won't take children outside for fear of someone taking a photograph of them and doing something scurrilous with it

However, when it comes to our children's wishes in relation to grandchildren, you have to abide by their wishes or suffer the consequences

I understand where Angeld is coming from because I never realised the danger thar WWW does puts in. Nothing is private and we do not know who our contacts reach. Everyones contacts results in their contacts then their contacts again and so on and the world is a bad bad place. I am fortunate to have a lot of extended family , too many to put on walls and I love them all dearly but I now only get satisfaction on hearing that they are all healthy and beautiful. so Angeld respect your DIL and rejoice in the surprise you get when you get visits RESPECT

Sadly I have to agree with your daughter in law AngelD Any social media postings of the child are definitely out. If you send electronic pics to other people who knows who they may send them on to or where they may end up. This is not your child so you need to respect the wishes of the parents. It's a sad reflection on the world today.