To relocate or not?

Tillybelle ....wise words and thanks for being a bit more blunt about the builder....I was trying to be tactful. In today's market a builder should be jumping to do everything a prospective buyer asks for. Ours have been brilliant. The snag list was minimal but we found a couple if little things after a few weeks and we have just had to send an e-mail and in a few days the former site manager (who is now at another small development) drives over, makes a note and the trade person responsible is dispatched within a few days. Its all done with a smile and we are never made to feel as if we are a nuisance. That's how it should be. There are 4 out of this small development still without firm offers as its a tough market - the builders are going to do everything they can to sell them and meet any prospective purchasers needs.

As long as my DD doesn’t move we won’t need to, she is 2 miles away. The other one is in Aus, now that would be a big move.
I am putting in my two pennorth (sorry pedants!) because I have a lot of clients that should have moved years ago.
It is so hard for their children to help them, be there to accompany them to hospital appointments ect. I see the anxiety that these lovely people suffer but their children don’t.
They are on their best behaviour when the children visit. They don’t mention problems, don’t want to worry them.
In an ideal world we will never need them to worry about us and be able to cope admirably.
Or we won’t .
There is no need to live in their pockets but I would want to live near one of our DD’s. Just in case.

This is a kind of reverse situation. My elderly Mum lived an hour from us. We kept asking her to move closer but she didn’t want to because of friends and her pretty cottage. Ten years down the line and most of her friends have died or are in homes. Mum started to fall, not wash, not eat properly. She was in and out of hospital which meant us constantly travelling over an hour each way to see her or sort things out - sometimes 3 times a week. The distance she lived from us meant constant worry and constant travelling which caused us lots of stress and expense. Now she is actually living with us. Had she moved closer when we’d asked her to she might still be able to cope in a home of her own with us or DD popping round daily. So what I’m saying is that my advice is to move near your children.

We did what you are contemplating in July last year. We are both 70 with one daughter in Canada and the other was a 3 hour drive away. We had been thinking we needed to move closer to her for some time,she has a serious heart condition and for the last two years has been in and out of hospital, the drive up the motorway to help and support our grandchildren was getting too much for DH. We found a new house we liked in a small market town, walking distance to shops,library doctors etc and just 30 mins away from our daughter. The move was very hard work and it has taken us some time to recover from the upheaval but it was definitely the right decision for us. We can now spend more time with our daughter who is now much better following an operation although her condition will eventually deteriorate again but at least for now we are all able to visit each other easily when needed. I realise we had a specific reason for relocating that spurred us into action but once the decision was made we never dithered over if we should do it just got it over with as quickly as possible and settled into a new stage of life- not easy but do- able with no looking back. Good luck with whatever you decide.

i would love to do this. but i cant afford to. How I miss my family. I have no friends in my tiny village. They have just cut one of the bus routes as it was uneconomical. My gp is wonderful but if at any time i cant drive ...i,m stuck. I would rather give up what i have now for my family even if it were only for a few years...what wonderful years they would be.

dear nanny2507. My heart goes out to you. I keep saying how I am good at being on my own but I dread seeing my DC and DGC because I can't bear it when we say goodbye.

This may be a stupid suggestion so I do apologise if it is, but I am lucky enough to have little dogs. Without them I probably would be a complete depression case. Would it be possible for you to have a cat or even a bird? I do realise there are lots of reasons why this is probably not a good idea so I hope it hasn't upset you.

Of course when we can't keep our car we shall have a lot of extra money as they are expensive to run. So don't forget that and think of putting the car money into a taxi fund to enable you to see friends.

At least we can talk to each other here on Gnet! I find people here very kind. (Mostly - the vast majority!)

Dear Tillybelle & HildaW - & others, I do so appreciate your advice & comments. Thank you so much .

Yes I think we shall be taking control of the situation & walking away, as we just can’t cope with it. The trouble is we do love the area & the house, but I think we will try & sell as soon as we can, & see what happens. Son & DIL are coming down to see us tomorrow, & a decision will be made.

But once again thank you for your replies . I seldom post on this forum but having had such positive & helpful replies I will do in future. I do read many of the posts daily, but I will be looking in & joining in more now.

DH & moved from Surrey to Somerset as we needed to downsize & wanted somewhere half way between my DD & DH's DD, his S had moved away & we were never close. Luckily we sold our house & found our new home easily but DH did find it stressful. Just short of 12 months after our move DH was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I was a widow 15 months after our move, I was only 57, not working as I was DH's carer, still able to drive.

One year on I made the decision to move closer to DD (with her agreement). Took over a year to sell my property then a cash buyer came along, 3 weeks to get organised so I had nowhere to actually move to. However I had looked at various properties in a 10 mile radius from DD. So it was put furniture etc in storage, 2 weeks with DD & then I rented a holiday flat for a few weeks.

I was lucky enough to view a Mobile Home (we had one in Somerset) on my 2nd day in Devon which I loved. Few complications before I could move in but it happened.

I live in a small Town with nice shops, Doctor's Surgery, Library, several Pubs & Cafes, decent bus service & Train Station in nearby Town which is where I do my main shopping. GP Surgery has a volunteer driver service who (for a donation) will provide transport for Doctor/Dentist/Hospital appointments. I am about 10 miles from my DD, her OH & 2DGSs, I don't see lots of them as they have busy lives but it is easier for me to visit or them to visit me. I am close enough but not too close, I have made lots of friends, have lovely neighbours & at the moment despite health issues very independent. It's the best move I could have made. I am not required for childcare as DD had built a network of friends before I moved but DD is near enough if I should require more care as I age.

Meanwhile my DM still lives in Yorkshire, she's 90 & still independent but it's a 300 mile journey, I have to drive to see her as she lives in a small village with no ammeneties, luckily she has good friends who take her shopping, to WI etc but DD & I worry about her future.

Tillybelle, I know someone, a very savvy and competent lady who sold her car, opened an account and put the money she saved on running her car into this new taxi account along with the money she got for the car.
Then she went and did her weekly shopping. £30 round trip! She then started to depend on her neighbour. The neighbour died. She had no computer so no on line shopping. Now she depends on the DD of a friend.
My point being that this woman with good intentions and plenty of money couldn’t cope with the concept of her taxi fare costing almost as much as her shopping.

tillybelle..i have dogs too. what great conversation starters they are i do enjoy walking them. I chat along to them like they are people and all the while they are probably thinking..for goodness sake woman will you shut up...i have a cat too. I did have 2 cats

We too are planning to leave our family home for pastures new. We currently live in rather remote part of Lincolnshire, husband newly retired from o life in agriculture. Our children and grandchildren live away, Middle East and London. We are moving to Spain, while we’re able to enjoy the chance, big leap but would rather jump than be pushed. Been going to the same place for years and years, have a network of friends there.
You must do what’s best for you, not based on where you’re children are, they too may move. Ours did and I’m happy for them. Yes I envy friends who see grandchildren weekly instead of once or twice a year. But...this is our time now, and they can come to visit whenever and wherever we are.

I don't need to make your decision (family closeby-ish) but do know that as grandchildren grow into teenagers, one is not needed as much as before so I would not base any proposed move on the basis of purely seeing your grandchildren. As they grow up, children have their own lives to lead.

The best suggestion is that made by many Gransnet-ers, to rent your home out and rent a house in your desired location. That way you can taste the local ambience, check out facilities: public transport (for when you can no longer drive), GP surgeries (are they accepting new patients?), local hospitals, supermarkets, libraries, clubs and societies etc. etc.

I would suggest at least six to twelve months so you can experience various seasons (everything looks rosy in the sunshine but what about a wet week-end in November?).

Good luck with your decision!

we too in our mid and late 60s are selling our family home and moving to to pastures new, retirement has arrived, our children and grandchildren live abroad,Middle East, we see them once or twice a year and love every moment of those visit and trips.It’s their lives, and this is ours, our time to enjoy together, so we’re off to Spain, to an area we’ve been going to for years and years . You must do what’s feels right for you, hopefully with your family’s support and backing.
Enjoy.

Thank you everyone for your replies. You have given me some great advice and much food for thought. I will probably read and re-read your comments to back up whatever decision I make. I don’t do things rashly and will take my time over this. I’m now thinking of buying a touring caravan and having it on a long term pitch in the area I am thinking of moving to so that I can have many holidays there and suss out all the positive and negative things about it. If I decide it’s not the right place, I can always move it somewhere else and if everything is right, I can then look into moving permanently. Thanks again for taking the time to answer me. ?