We have adult sons. Here is what I feel would be an ideal communication:
They call me daily (I'll settle for weekly or even bi-weekly). We talk about "anything." Sometimes it may be 5 minutes, longer if I'm lucky. We close the conversation with "I Love You."
Reality Communication: I call or text them. No return call or text. One day passes, two days pass, three days pass ... I call or text once again thinking maybe they just some how missed the call or didn't see the text. No return call or text. Finally, make contact. They seem annoyed. I feel neglected. Communication consists of mostly silence followed with "good talking with you... love you." (click)
Me: Hey, how're you doing today?
Me: What cha' up to right now?
Him: Trying to find something for supper. (He pulls out frozen beef and says "oh I can't cook that because it's frozen" and then puts it back in the frig. and goes to find something else to cook)
Me: Oh, I cook beef from it's frozen state quite often. Not a problem. (I say this as calm and non-threatening as possible.. not at all meant as telling him what to do. Just simple conversation - I thought).
Him: Sounding annoyed, he says I know. I'll find something else.
That is only an example of how "communication" goes between us probably most of the time. No matter how hard I try to make sure I am aware of my tone and not come across as "his mother telling him what to do" I just can't seem to get it right. I would love to have an adult relationship with our sons, but I feel they can't stop seeing me as only their mother.
Does this make any sense?
I understand about letting them live their lives. I understand about "cutting apron strings." And I understand that I need to focus on my life and stay-busy.
It's not those things. I just simply would like to have ordinary, calming conversations with our sons. Strengthen and nurture our relationship as adult individuals. Surely that can't be an unrealistic expectation.
Thanks, once again, for reading my "feelings."
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