son on exchange programme

She please read my post before you comment,I have explained this

It sounds as though the DIL regards DS's actions as the final straw in their marriage. Unless he had no choice in the matter he was a bit selfish when he chose to leave her alone with a young child while he went off on his exchange programme. She has been living as a single parent
How long has he been abroad?
How many times has he been back to see his wife and child?
How many times has he threatened to divorce her for not doing what he wants - that's pretty controlling and she may have decided to call his bluff and get divorced seeing as she is already living a single person life

“he is happy to stay in a hotel if she will go and she him but her relatives will not allow it, she told me this herself”

Fatso, in the light of your above comment I wonder whether the country your son has gone to is outside Europe and somewhere perhaps where the culture is different. I fine it very odd that relatives would not “allow” your daughter to see her husband. The whole scenario sounds a little strange. Perhaps you could enlighten us a bit further with more background?

How can your dil's relatives stop your son from seeing his wife? They don't need to meet at the relatives house, they can meet for coffee or lunch or in a park or somewhere else neutral.

There is still much to explain Fatso if you truly want opinions from the other Grans.
This is a sad situation, but if you really hope it can be resolved, both sides have to be prepared to give a little.

I really don't know what to do, am really worried about all of them as i love dil and gs very much. yes she is outside of europe, her relatives don't want her to see him as it appears they are angry with ds for the way there marriage has been going, she is not in asia.threfore no culture issues.she has not contacted ds for last few days since she has been there otherwise they use to talk everyday.I am encouraging him to phone her but he says he wants her to make the first move.

Gosh, your son needs to be the bigger person and phone his wife, not indulge in childish games. If he loves her, he'd be moving heaven and earth to see her and the baby.

It sounds like you have more interest on your ds working on his marriage and seeing his wife and son than he does.
He sounds very uninvolved.

If my dh did it to me, I would have interpreted as he abandoned his child and wife.
If my parents or his parents offered to pay for him to visit, i would be so offended and I would not want to see my husband.
The fact that your dh wants to see his son is a little insulting, as if the wife was a second priority
Everybody needs to back off.
Let your son and dil solve their differences

I don't think your son is in the right frame of mind mentally to resolve the marriage issues. He's trying to play games of one up manship and you Dil is having none of it. Well good for her because if he really wants to sort this mess out he needs to act like he wants to sort it out instead of playing brinkmanship. I think you need to give him a good shake, I understand you're upset by the situation but he doesn't seem bothered. what with threats of divorce and demands that she should be the one to travel etc etc he seriously needs to pull his head out of his arse and act like his marriage is worth saving.

How long has your son loved abroad?
How many times has he visited his wife and son in his home country?
How often do they keep in touch?
How much longer does he have left?

Your son should be ashamed.
Your dh is already checked out of the marriage and enjoying his single life. Has he always been that selfish?

He demands his wife to travel to him, with a toddler, in a country she might or might not be familiar with. AFTER he has been "bribed" aka relatives offered for him to visit his wife and son.
He doesn't want to call her, he wants her to initiate contact.
How can he be so cruel?

He is only offended she does not want to see him because she is in the same country.
If she wasn't, he wouldn't care.
So he doesn't want to see her or her son, he just wants to call the shots and have her at his beck and call

Their marriage is already doomed.

Apologies for the autocorrect.

I must be missing something here - but who would go on an exchange programme when one has a young baby?

I went on exchange programme to Germany, in Berlin, for 4 months- one DD was in 6th Form, the other at Uni. I couldn't go as part of my B.Ed.Hons Degree because they were too young, and go an exemption.

I think that’s what we ve all been waiting for Fatso to tell us Jura
Why did son go off abroad when wife and baby asked him not to?
How long is he away for?
Saying he has lots of expenses makes me wonder is he supporting his wife and baby whilst he’s away?
Where is h living on this exchange? You say he will go to a hotel if she comes to him but why couldn’t she stay with him ? Well is hypothetical anyway as it doesn’t look as if she has any intention of visiting him
Was the marriage in trouble BEFORE he took on the exchange or was it the exchange that destroyed them ?

Another tale which seems quite unbelievable to many of us, although, of course, it could be true.