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Life - some questions!!

(56 Posts)
Razzy Sun 09-Jun-19 22:52:12

So here I am mulling over life and I thought I need some input!

So, here are my questions!

1. What do you see as your greatest achievement?

2. If the answer to no.1 is your kids, what is your greatest non-kid achievement? :-)

3. What do you most regret?

4. What do you wish you had done earlier in life?

Feel free to add extra stuff too!! And no I am not a journalist before anyone asks!!

B9exchange Sun 09-Jun-19 23:23:42

Kids first of course. Perhaps getting an MSc with the University of Southampton whilst holding down a full time job and raising four kids at the same time at the age of 51, moving on to become a Chartered Fellow of the BCS.

Regrets - not doing enough for my parents in their old age, I was very busy, but still feel guilty.

I can't really think of something I wish I had done earlier, I am sure there must be something!

BradfordLass72 Mon 10-Jun-19 03:20:58

I have had so many achievements that to list them would sound unbearably boastful. They have all come about through a combination of determination and good luck.

I regret I wasn't able to go to university, something I tried 3 times to do but because of financial, family and health circumstances, failed each time.
However, I have not, in any way, been held back in life by this and it's more a matter of pride that makes me regret it...and the fact I love research and study.

My boys were not an achievement as such; they just popped out but being a good mother was.
One boy now, like so many others, has re-written history to decide he's not happy with me. Despite, only days before the rift, talking and laughing with me for 2 hours on the phone.

The other says I'm the best Mum in the world and shows it all the time.
So you pays yer money and yer takes yer choice grin

What do I wish I had done earlier in life?
Had money.

Lack of money, so that life has been decades of struggle, literally having to decide if the children had clothing or food; living in a garage because we couldn't afford rent; nursing a very sick husband with no support and the constant anxiety of wondering if it would get so bad my boys would be taken into care, was harrowing.

But we've all survived (all but my poor, dear husband who killed himself) and we've come out the other side stronger and more resilient...and we've needed that strength because it still hasn't been plain sailing.

So I guess the fact that I'm still here and still smiling is my greatest achievement.

PageTurner Mon 10-Jun-19 04:02:27

Bradfordlass72 💐💐 to you have had much to deal with in your life. I'm happy that you are smiling 🙂 Good luck in the future and I hope your son has a change of heart soon.

Flossieturner Mon 10-Jun-19 07:40:08

Best achievement, maintaining a great relationship with my adult children. Something I never thought I could achieve and worried about all through their childhood.

Regret, not having the courage to stand up to my mother and step-father and being their whipping boy for years.

What I wished I had done, is get some counselling.

wildswan16 Mon 10-Jun-19 08:05:20

Best achievement: Surviving all that life has thrown at me.

What would I have done earlier: Found the wisdom that has been gifted to me over the years.

Regret: Drifting through a portion of my life when I should have stopped and got off.

Proudest of: The way my children have turned out.

M0nica Mon 10-Jun-19 08:43:56

1) I have been fortunate to have had a good and successful life, but cannot think of any achievment that stands head and shoulders above the rest.

2) Most people have children and most of them turn out well. Many of those who have problems with their children have parented well, but other things have gone wrong, so I do not see that having children and bringing them up successfully is a great achievement unless you overcame enormous odds to do so.

3) Nothing really, obviously I have done or not done things I have regretted later, but nothing that stands out and anyway I would be very wary of anyone who hadn't had any regrets

4) once again, there minor things, but nothing stands out.

Sorry about the downbeat reply.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Mon 10-Jun-19 08:54:04

I'm very 'middling' in that my achievements have been very average and much of the bad stuff out of my control.
I passed my driving test - that was great. We never had a car in our family, we had to walk or get the bus. It's wonderful having this independence.
Finding a lovely man who became my husband, his sad death could not be helped.
I regret falling down the stairs - one small misstep which took seconds has been followed by over a year of remedial dental work - which isn't over yet. But I guess I'm a survivor.

Luckygirl Mon 10-Jun-19 08:55:37

1. Greatest achievement? Opening up the world of music to all those I have brought together to sing - especially those who thought they could not sing. I have (and still do) run community choirs for decades, and worked specifically with the elderly and those with mental health problems.

3. Two things - not having found a way to have any sort of decent relationship with my mother before she died. I (and many others) found her really difficult, but looking back I can see how she finished up as she was and wish I had been more forgiving.

4. Changed careers - it took me till I was 50 to take that plunge. It would have been hard to do it before because of young children. But I am very glad I did it in the end as I had 10 happy years doing photography, picture editing a magazine, arts outreach for young people and running singing workshops. A wonderful change form being a social worker - loved it to begin with as I felt I was doing some good; but in the end had just become a financial gatekeeper for the LA.

Luckygirl Mon 10-Jun-19 08:59:19

Ah! - the second thing at (3) was not insisting that my OH had proper treatment for his anxiety many many moons ago so that I and the children might have had a easier life.

sodapop Mon 10-Jun-19 09:00:31

1) Successful and happy children and grandchildren. All independent and hardworking.
2) My job enabled me to help some vulnerable people move out of hospital and live a fuller and more ordinary life in the community.
3) Mistakes made in my personal life which made others unhappy
4) Travelled more

knickas63 Mon 10-Jun-19 09:13:06

1) My children telling me they had a great childhood
2) Starting but not yet finishing a book, and making time for my own interests. Surviving near poverty and managing to keep our home
3) Not studying for a degree that interested me
4) Managed money matters better.

Razzy Mon 10-Jun-19 10:03:17

Ooh interesting replies! Not what I would have thought either.

More replies welcome!

optimist Mon 10-Jun-19 10:06:45

my greatest achievement without doubt was becoming "mum" for two years to my 4 year old grandson when his parents divorced. His mum disappeared. His dad (my son) had a breakdown. My husband was resentful. Oh, and I was 63 and working!
My regrets? not being able to help elderly parents more. When my eldest son died perhaps I could have supported my other children differently, my son has been left with mental health issues. But I was only in my twenties.

Shalene777 Mon 10-Jun-19 10:26:16

Greatest achievement is flying first class - it has been on my bucket list for quite a few years.
I most regret leaving my beloved dog behind when I left my first husband. He got rid of her within days of my departure. It's something that I have not forgiven or got over.
I wish I had saved more money when I was younger. Sometimes I wish I'd had more sexual partners. I don't know why i think that but it seems everyone does it these days so it must be a bit of feeling as though I missed out, then on other days I am so happy that I've only had a couple of partners.

allule Mon 10-Jun-19 10:39:27

Approaching 80, I dont want to have to think about what I have and haven't 'achieved'!
I've enjoyed life, have a happy family....that'll do smile

Davida1968 Mon 10-Jun-19 10:39:35

1.) Working successfully in a caring profession and making a valid contribution to society; being a "decent" & caring person to others. Being a young mum but managing to bringing up DS to be a "decent" and hard working person, too.
2.) Long & happy Marriage; still ongoing! Good relationships with DS, DiL & DGC, and with my other relatives. Work achievements.
3.) Teenage pregnancy (just wish I'd had DS ten years later!)
4.) Worked harder for exams & got better results. (See 3, above.)

Apricity Mon 10-Jun-19 10:43:01

Lots of interesting questions. For me the really good bits include my children and my beautiful grandchildren who are all good friends even though one lot lives on the other side of the world.

Caring for my mother and enabling her to die at home as was her wish when dying of cancer in her 50s. Caring for my rather difficult father many years later to also be at home until a few weeks before his death.

Changing a very dysfunctional family pattern that had spanned many generations to support and enable all of the above to happen. Along the way I was also the first person in my family to finish secondary school, attend university and have a great professional career.

Lots of lovely travel. Meeting a lovely man in later life to share many things with.

Regrets, yes I've had a few. Marrying the wrong person too soon for the wrong reasons but we are still friends.

And as the old saying goes, after children, family and work, the full catastrophe as Zorba so succintly put it, I now have a garden and the time to enjoy the seasons, the colours of the light and time to read and think. Not too bad.

KatyK Mon 10-Jun-19 10:52:17

My greatest achievement? Bringing up a lovely, decent daughter who herself has brought up a lovely decent daughter. This, despite my horrendous childhood. I survived it - just about but still suffer the consequences. I have a lovely husband who is the opposite of my father. My childhood experiences have resulted in a total lack of confidence which has prevented me from doing so much in life. I have always just tried to 'get through it' which is a shame.

annifrance Mon 10-Jun-19 11:00:51

Achieving a 2:1 BA Hons degree at the age of 53 while working and going through a horrendous divorce.

regret that two marriages failed. after 20 years have decided that a 20 year trial period with OH makes it OK to get married for a third time! Escalated by the needs of B----y Brexit and refusing to move back to a UK that is not part of EU.

Wish that I had stood up to my parents about staying on at a top private girls school that had no interest in me as I was not Oxbridge material, then I might have succeeded better somewhere else and got my degree much earlier and got on a career ladder.

However, I have on the whole so enjoyed my life and can't really regret anything. If I hadn't married first I wouldn't have had my 2DCs and they will always come first. If I hadn't married second I wouldn't have travelled the world and then eventually ended up in the place where I met my fiancé (!!!).

Razzy Mon 10-Jun-19 11:01:42

I wonder if the men on this forum (or the OHs of the lovely ladies here) would give the same answers?

paddyann Mon 10-Jun-19 11:25:39

my main acheivement is starting my business at 21 and it still running successfully 44 years on,its kept a roof over not only our heads but the scores of folk who have worked with us over the years.
sometimes maybe that same business took precendence over everything else and thats a minor regret ..but only minor.The children didn't suffer through it and we are and always have been a happy united family.
I think the key question you missed is would you change things IF you could go back and honestly,hand on heart ,not a single thing ...of the stuff I had control of .I'm very happy with my life ,,I wish I had the power to sort my daughters health but apart from that all is good .

Coconut Mon 10-Jun-19 11:43:14

1.Best achievement is my amazing family, having such a close relationship with all 3AC plus their partners, and GC’s.
2. Apart from family, climbing to the top of my career in a male dominated arena, even tho I didn’t go back to work till in my 40’s.
3. Being able to realise my dreams of travelling the globe now retired, have been everywhere my heart has led me.
Regrets:
1. not listening to my inner self and running from husband no:2 at the 1st sign of concern.
2. Never meeting my Mr Right.... but hey ho, we can’t have everything.
What I wished I’d done earlier: learned how to deal with a narcissistic mother ! I’ve got it off to a fine art now !

nettyandmasey Mon 10-Jun-19 11:51:10

1 bringing my three children up singl handed from ages of 5 & 2 1/2 (twins). I am proud of them beyond words.

2 M’y BA with Honours which I completed last year aged 55 .

3 marrying my husband, though my children would not be the same people if I hadn’t.

4 I wish I had contacted the person who was love of my life earlier. Met as teenagers and I adored him from afar. When my husband left me the first time he had also separated from his then wife. But I thought who would want to take on someone with three children. He then remarried! About 3 years later he separated again. I had always been friends with his sister and asked her if he wanted to get in touch. He did and when we met discovered he had wanted to be with me to! Wanted to ask me out as a teenager but didn’t think my dad would let me go. Anyway we were together from that moment, June 1995 then in February 1996 he was killed in a traffic accident. We had so little time. Still on my own now through choice

Aepgirl Mon 10-Jun-19 12:47:15

Surviving an unexpected and painful divorce.