Rocknroll5me. Bless you, my dear, how I can identify with what you say! And yet - please forgive me - I am a bit envious of you because you can walk your dogs and you can see and talk to your daughter! I am by no means trying to shame you because feeling upset and low is terrible and is not dependent on little details so please do not misunderstand me. There are so many of us here who are lonely, many are house-bound like myself, and many like Nanaval4G "go days without seeing and talking to people,"
I was very struck by Gonegirl saying she never reads the "Good Morning" thread "because everyone else seems so busy and active," I am so sorry to hear you too are unable to get out and about Gonegirl! I have said in the past - I could feel when you arrived here that you had "extra dimensions" which I now understand more from your life experience. Maybe there is a thread for those of us who are not able to do the things we would love to do?
I remember feeling so unhappy where I used to go to church because most other people had their families there. Grannies had grandchildren as well as children living nearby and were always boasting about them and also boasting about the wonderful upbringing they themselves had had with their amazing and perfect mothers. Christmas, Mothering Sunday, I used to boycott. I do understand OP when you say "some of my friendships have faltered as they so often flaunted their many friends and trips and demand for their wonderful grandmotherly skills that they depressed me". I actually think the "Good Morning" thread is a flaunting-opportunity for people to show to which prestigious groups they belong and which stately homes they have privileged access. Nobody seems to say "Hi I'm in pain, tearful, cold. Still in pyjamas and can't change the bed although it is needing it. Haven't spoken to anyone for a week. Have run out of milk." No one except me that is!
But I must try and be a bit more help! I think, in my own case, it has helped to hear the sympathy and understanding of others in the same boat. In this respect therefore, I'd like to say, you are not alone, not by a long way and there are many of us here who are sending you love and support, albeit over the internet. Hard though it is, life does get more difficult for most of us as we age. I sincerely think you could benefit from talking this over with your GP (doctor - because GP= grand parent here!) Please do not feel upset if the Doc suggests some antidepressants. Your synapses might need a boost of serotonin! That's all they do - and it will bring your mood back to your old self.
Can you talk over the diagnosis with anyone? Is there anyone at the Hospital whom you are under? Or is there any self-help group for the condition? I did contact the self-help group for one of my conditions and they helped a lot in practical ways as well as by giving me some friendly and understanding people to talk to.
How I wish I could hug you! You say you are a creative person at the beginning of your letter. Is it possible to get immersed into something creative to take your thoughts outwards instead of inwards?
Suddenly feeling alone is not at all unusual. It often happens after a shock or after a life-threatening event. I had a terrifying ordeal not many years ago and it made my PTSD from a previous event much worse. I can only say that I had to plough through it as best I could and take one day at a time. Seeing your daughter is a great bonus so please try telling her you've been a bit "down", not necessarily saying you feel alone, as it might hurt her. But if you link it to the shock of the diagnosis and how it makes you see life differently, she may be able to understand better.
Please do not feel you are alone - well - I know you can't help feeling it - but try to remember there are many of us out here and we all try to think of each other, support each other, send love and understanding to each other - so that you need not feel alone. Even if I see nobody for a week, I do have my dogs and I can communicate with real people here on GransNet.
Sending you much love and praying you receive comfort soon, Elle. ?☕️