Feel sorry for DH

Ah, sorry, I see the DGS is 5. I think most parents would surely have explained to him that one grandad will be hurt if the other one is made a fuss of and he's ignored.

He's not 5.

Fathers day is pretty much the same date every year. It's all over the TV and social media. There's adverts everywhere.

They was all going out for a fathers day meal. It was booked. There is no way he didn't know it was fathers day.
How do these men function on a day to day basis? They hold down jobs and everything yet can't buy a card without nagging from their wife.
What if he wasn't married?!

I think it's worse that he knew and still didn't get a card.
If there's such a crap relationship between in-laws, you can't expect her to go out of her way for them.

Did your son get his Dad a card?

I know exactly what you are going through. I walk around on egg shells where my DIL is concerned just so that I can see the 2 Grand kids. Its pathetic but hey that is how they are. Welcome to my world. x

I really feel for you! and your poor husband. This type of thing happens to us as well. We have only ever booked holidays well away from grandsons birthdays but surprise surprise any get together or party is when we are away on our holiday. We always tell our son as well that we are here for birthdays. We know it is our DIL and her mother who sort it that way. They wish we would disappear as well. You are not alone with this. However, when anything needs doing, moving house 3 times, decorating, fix lights, sort both their cars out, money needed etc etc it is always us who are asked. Our grandsons adore both my husband and myself so it is dreadful to be left out of so many things. We try not to think what our little eldest grandson might think as to why we are not there. What will he think when he is even older? we cant't say anything really. Absolutely heartbreaking situation. My son just says they are jealous of us!?!? but does nothing about it. In fact he lies and say he forgot we were away etc.

I'm very impressed that a 5 year old's handwriting is beautiful.

Next time Dil asks - via our son - if DH can do some DIY, I hope he tells her to ask elsewhere. She is a thoughtless bitch...…
Do you think, possibly, that your DIL could be a bit scared of you?

I understand why you are hurt and angry on your husband's behalf, I would too. Was your DiL's Father embarassed? They are the ones who raised her.

I agree with Bathsheba. Yes, it was your son's responsibility to get his own father a card, but we all know that some men simply don't think about these things, and would it really have hurt your DiL to simply remind him to get one, or even buy two when she buys her own father's?! Especially when you were all going to be together and she knew GS was going to give her father a card ... how insensitive/spiteful is that?! Not something I could ever do.

I totally understand the OPs upset, as my son didn't bother to get a card for his father either ... in fact, he forgot his birthday too, but that's another story! And I didn't get a mother's day card either! My DD, on the other hand, never forgets anything, and has spent years reminding her brother of special dates, but gave up once he got married and told our DiL that it was up to her to remind him! She even sent them a calendar with all the special dates printed on it! I think I find it more upsetting as it's something I've never forgotten to do, since I was a small little child. And both my son and daughter were brought up doing the same. Since my son was married though, it all seems to be unimportant, although DiLs parents are still remembered, by both of them!

My own in-laws would probably never have had a card/gift if it wasn't for me, as I was always the one to remind my husband, so I fail to see why other DiLs can't do the same.
Personally, my own conscience wouldn't allow me to be so insensitive or spiteful. I often wonder how my son and DiL would feel if they didn't get mother's day/father's day cards from our GC, or we didn't bother sending them birthday cards/gifts ...? But, of course, I'd never not do it.

Presumably the card was actually from the daughter to her father as it was Father’s Day, she may have got the grandson to make it. But did the OPs son get his father a card? Maybe the OP should have a word with her son and ask why he didn’t get his dad a card. It’s FATHERS DAY- you don’t normally give cards to people who aren’t your father do you? Don’t heap all the blame on your dil.

By all means tell your son it was a bit hurtful but mention it lightly rather than making a big thing of it. I think you should carry on being helpful and loving (ie DIY) otherwise things may deteriorate further.Show that you can behave well . Hope things improve

I really don’t understand all this dislike of daughters in laws are they all really so bad ? She’s been in your life for what six seven eight years (child is 5) I always thought it was terribly important to try and make a friend of the ‘in law’ child You quote that she’s very close with her own family but isn’t that as it should be
You were included in the ‘celebrations’ so that was nice
I have no understanding as to why a child would give a card to grandparents could he have made it on behalf of the mother instead of buying one? and if it was from him why wouldn’t your husband say to his wife ‘has he made one for Dad’
Why would you expect more than a card from her for your birthday that’s again up to your son and if he’s not up to buying you a present surely he would converse with his wife and maybe give her some money or ideas as to what to buy
I think you are seeing her as the bad guy because it’s easier than looking at your own lad
shes a thoughtless bitch wow not much chance of ever getting on there then, it must be very uncomfortable for your son

Has the OP actually said whether or not her son gave her OH a card? I haven't seen that, but might have missed it.

Is it possible that their son didn't even know that the grandson was going to present his other grandad with the card in question, and that it was all down to the dil?

Certainly not your dils job to buy your sons father a card on Father’s Day your son is at fault here no question. Have a word with him.

Reading between the lines there is obviously animosity in the family and I do not think it is all the DIL's fault.
I would neverrefer to my DIL as a thoughtless bitch, that is a horrible thing to say.
My DH spent the day cooking and feeding the family and he probably would not have had it any other way.

For me it's not who bought who a card (or more to the point who didn't). It's that the fact that a card was presented to one grandpa in front of the other!

A customary day for the celebration of fatherhood in Catholic Europe is known to date back to at least 1508. It is observed on March 19, as the feast day of Saint Joseph

It was in 1910 that the first June Fathers' Day was celebrated in Washington.

In the UK it entered British popular culture "sometime after the Second World War, not without opposition trust the British to complain !

So any thoughtful Dil has had plenty of time to nudge her own recalcitrant DH into celebrating his Dad.

What a shame yours is so narrow and petty.

HAPPY belated FATHER'S DAY to Fairydoll2030's wonderful DH.

I think in this case it is appropriate to have a quiet word with your son and explain how hurt you felt on his Dad’s behalf. Ask him to please talk to his wife about treating both grandads equally on such occasions. I would also point out that not only was it unkind, but also embarrassing for everyone.

I agree with this. Children need to be encouraged by both parents.

I agree with Maw and others. Definitely an issue to address with DS.

That must have been awkward & embarrassing, I feel for you. In my experience favouritism that is blatantly obvious to everyone else, doesn’t appear to be to the perpetrator. I’ve observed it with parents favouring one child over another and grandparents favouring one child’s children over another (my Dad took pains to explain to me that I could only bring 2 of my 4 children to his & stepmum’s wedding. Imagine my surprise when my brother was there with all 3 of his children - all same ages). I would definitely speak calmly to your son about how you feel, citing examples such as the one you describe above and listen to what he has to say in response.

Can't help thinking that you are talking this too much to heart. You were both invited to lunch so I would be pleased that you were all together for a family day. The question is surely why your son didn't get a card for his dad? Or perhaps he did? If that's the case then there's not really an issue here. You will always find a slight if you are looking for one.

I hope your son squirmed more than anyone, it was his responsibility to provide the card and hopefully takes enough interest in what his young son does to be aware of the handmade card. I used to insist my husband bought the cards for his own parents.

I know where you are coming from. Children can be so hurtful. My DD is only interested in my sibling who is absolutely loaded and has no children. We aren’t wealthy by any means and have willed everything between DD and Grand babies

It was Fathers Day not Grandparents Day.The only reason i can see of her getting the son to make a card for his Grandad was to hurt you.This is a very nasty thing to do and using his grandson to do it makes it worse.You need to tell them next time any DIY needs doing this is the address for B and Q .

God! There are some bitches out there! And this one's a prize one. I feel so sorry for your DH. He must have felt so left out.

Can't agree with posters who say it's the son's fault. She did it for one grandad, she should have had the nous to do it for both.

Tbh, I do think it's slightly odd to give a card to any grandad on Fathers' Day. It's for fathers.

Houndi has already made my point about the card.