Feel sorry for DH

I do feel for you fairy doll spoilt what should have been a happy occasion.
I agree with posters saying it is up to your son to get his dad a FD card ( not how it’s done in my house but things are different times we live in)
On saying that if it was a handmade card from your GS I do think your DIL was pretty mean not say oh we’ll have to make one for grandad fairy doll ? too so I think she knew what she was about
? ? for you a and your husband

Sb74

I agree, obviously it’s the sons role in an ideal world. I always bought cards and presents for all my husbands family , and I’m certain they were aware of it. It just all seems petty to me .

My brother and his wife have this arrangement, and the children always got totally inappropriate presents, but at least he tried!

sounds a lot like my daughters husbands family. they never send birthday cards etc. or christmas ones .its like i dont exist .and yet they lavish attention on my daughter and grandchildren.. grrrrr. i use to pretend it didnt bother me but deep inside it does,....am having a word with the prayer councellor tomorrow at church . i know it wont solve anything but just to talk to someone will.

I don’t think it matters whether the card was handmade or not really, the point is the dil made the gc give her dad a card knowing it would hurt her Pil.. Unless she is completely devoid of all emotional intelligence this is nasty and spiteful.

I don't think it was handmade it just says 'beautifully written' which made me think it wasn't from the Grandson? Maybe he just presented it to him?

I have a 5 year old. Beautifully written isn't a word i'd use to describe her writing style.

I am all for equality but let’s be honest most men are useless when it comes to cards etc. I think they get even worse when they are married because they think their wife will remind them. Sad but true. My hubby is useless and if it wasn’t for me his family wouldn't get anything but I make sure they do because I care about them and our relationship with them. I’m not sure his parents know i buy everything but I never say anything. Unless the dil is mentally challenged, of course she’s knows what she is doing. She is being a bitch. I don't agree that it’s just down to the son, the clue is in the title, daughter in law, you take on your partners family when you marry, like it or not. She knows what she’s doing. My hubby is caring but wouldn’t think either even if a meal is booked, the dil is at fault for rubbing your dh nose in it. I too would have asked where my dh card was,

Craicon did you not read the OP. Fairydoll is referring to a hand made card by their GS, being presented to him in front of everyone even though there was no card made by the GS for her DH, the other GF.

So I agree yes, she is a "thoughtless bitch" who appears to have put a lot of thought into how best to hurt her f.i.l. and possibly, if he knew nothing about it, humiliate her H.

Was it a card from your Grandson to his Grandad? So like a Grandads day card?
Or was it an actual Father's day card from DIL to her dad and the grandson just gave it to him?

What a nasty d.i.l. for you to have to contend with Fairydollwe're so pleased that we no longer have to deal with ours.

I agree that it is up to your son to buy for his own dad for fathers day, that said I'd always asked Mr. S. if he'd bought his dad a card and still remind him about his mum for mothers day and her birthday.

Your post though is about your GS presenting a hand made card to his other GF, in front of your DH on fathers day.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if your son knew nothing about it. I'd ask him if he knew and if he did tell him it was a nasty thing to do. I'd also tell my d.i.l. that in future, if there's no card for my DH not to have our GS present a card to his other GF in front of him.

Of course you may be worried about things escalating if you speak up and ending up with no contact and I do understand it's very hard, which is why I'm so thankful that despite the pain of estrangement, we no longer have to deal with this kind of crap.

As a Grandfather I don’t expect cards from my GC. I’m lucky that I have two Ds and they both gave me a card. It is Fathers not grandfathers day, it’s only the shops that push cards and presents GF. When I was young my father got a handmade card and they was nothing for GFs from me or any other GC

Of course this is deliberate! How hurtful of your DIL to behave in this way and actively coerce DGS to do the same albeit unknowingly!

Shame on your son for letting things get this bad; you make no mention of Fathers Day card from your son to his own fathers, do we take it that he didn't bother either?

What a mean, toxic, vile and manipulative person this DIL is!!!

Personally, I would STOP sending her any birthday cards and not even address a Christmas card to her either, but that's just my opinion.

You are right to feel hurt for your DH, he might say he doesn't mind but I'm sure he is. My partner receives NOTHING from one of his sons because my partner left a very violent controlling marriage (yes, she used to physically abuse him) but she is so manipulative that the son can see no wrong in the awful woman! My partner says he's not bothered but I know he is.

If it was me I would email DIL or DS and say ‘ thank you so much for a lovely meal for Father’s Day ! It was very kind of you to invite us and we appreciate it very much It was nice to see your parents again. DGS is so ( clever funny bright ).

I must say that DGS having only one card for your father was very embarrassing!!!! I felt so bad for my husband . You have no reason to be mean to us so I know you probably just forgot. I thought it was better to flag it up so it doesn’t happen again? If DGS has only one card perhaps give it before we arrive. Thanks.

I can’t believe that you refer to her as ‘a thoughtless bitch’ just because your son didn’t step up and sort out a card for HIS OWN FATHER.

It’s clear that she’s far from thoughtless as she got her own father a card and both sets of grandparents were invited out for lunch.

The only thoughtless one here is YOUR SON and maybe he’s always been this way because you never pulled him up on it when he was younger? Perhaps it’s time you said something directly to him about how his inaction has hurt your feelings?

I have 2 grown up DSS’s. One sent his dad a beautiful hand drawn Father’s Day card and the other sent nothing, not even a text. I know his partner would have sent her dad something lovely as she’s very close to both of her divorced parents and sees them very regularly. She’s a genuinely lovely person who I admire and respect enormously. The son/her partner is a thoughtless selfish dick at times.

As far as I’m concerned, it’s none of my business. It’s up to my DH if he wants to confront the son but as DH was equally passive about looking out for his own mother, it would be hypocritical of him to harangue his son.

I do think though that calling her a bitch is uncalled for and downright nasty. The relationship isn’t going to improve if you continue to blame her for your son’s failings.

It was incredible rude of Dil not to have DGS make two cards, one for each granddad. This is just basic good manners when she knew that you were all getting together for lunch. You know what she’s like and she isn’t going to change. Best not to dwell on it as you really cannot effort to fall out. Let it go as you don’t want to fall out. Enjoy whatever contact you have with your DGC.

Very hurtful and mean but your DS should take some responsibility. We were once at DS1's on Father's Day and his children presented him with cards and son never said a word to his Dad. I still regret not asking him where his Dad's card was.

I took great pleasure in choosing MIL her gifts etc, yeah it was husbands responsibility but it wasn’t a competition between us and I genuinely loved buying them she was a lovely lady

How awful for you Fairydoll. I see this MIL thing so much on this site and don’t understand it at all apart from just sheer jealousy and I’m keeping your Son/Daughter for myself, The DIL would of know how hurtful this was and even if she thinks it’s up to your Son to do something like the card she should and would of known how this must of felt to your husband and said we can’t just give one card.

My late MIL always had a card and presents on mother’s day, birthday, Christmas from my Husband but always said I know who bought this so thank her or if we went as a couple she smiled and said I know who bought it. Life is too short for silly games and I’m glad I don’t think I was like this thoughtless DIL so many have on here.

I guess some people are just mean

While your DiL sounds unpleasant, the responsibility of buying a father's day card for your husband lies with your son. Being born male doesn't give him a get out of jail free card when it comes to thinking about others, especially his own father.

I spent years carrying the mental load for my ex husband. I bought all of the cards and presents for his family as well as for mine. It was taken for granted that I'd do this.

Personally I wouldn't have given one GF a card in front of the other like that - it's crass and insensitive, but you need to be equally as angry with your son.

I have three sons and yes I do think the dils take over where we left off. But my sons need to take responsibility as well and I would be taking this grievance up with him I really would. I know from experience sons take a back seat with family going along with wives decisions only natural it's the way of things however I do think they need to take some responsibility.

I feel your pain. My parents have been going through the same thing for years.
They have never had a card or gift from either of their granddaughters by my eldest sister.
They are now 26 & 30 and still don't do anything.
I have had to watch my mum cry and see my dad hurt by this. My dad wised up a few years ago and doesn't bother with them much, just pleasantries. My mum has finally seen the light that they are greedy and selfish.
It is painful when you see this behaviour and I hope you can move on from it but it will be hard.

Did the son give his dad a card? Or is it a totally mixed up family?

Houndi has already made my point about the card.

God! There are some bitches out there! And this one's a prize one. I feel so sorry for your DH. He must have felt so left out.

Can't agree with posters who say it's the son's fault. She did it for one grandad, she should have had the nous to do it for both.

Tbh, I do think it's slightly odd to give a card to any grandad on Fathers' Day. It's for fathers.

It was Fathers Day not Grandparents Day.The only reason i can see of her getting the son to make a card for his Grandad was to hurt you.This is a very nasty thing to do and using his grandson to do it makes it worse.You need to tell them next time any DIY needs doing this is the address for B and Q .

I know where you are coming from. Children can be so hurtful. My DD is only interested in my sibling who is absolutely loaded and has no children. We aren’t wealthy by any means and have willed everything between DD and Grand babies