Gransnet forums

Ask a gran


(86 Posts)
dolly56 Mon 24-Jun-19 10:48:10

Just wondering if anyone else is s constant worrier. It's exhausting, at the moment I on holiday with DH . we'll be in our caravan. He's been ill before and I had to call ambulance. Worry is how would we cope. Hopeless in caravan, wouldn't be able to get us back etc
I am learning the basic features but DH thinks I'm panicking. Maybe I am . Trying not to think it worst case scenario all time, but it's so hard. Think I may go for counseling. Thanks for reading

chaffinch Tue 25-Jun-19 10:24:13

Maybe not the advice you want, but I would seriously think about getting rid of the caravan if the thought of driving it etc. is such a worry. Cannot make for a restful break if you are always on edge, and your husband surely does not want you to be so anxious.

chrissie13 Tue 25-Jun-19 10:30:42

I'm a worrier too, and like to get everything straight in my head for every eventuality. If you're not sure whether your insurance provides cover for illness, I would check and add it if not, for peace of mind in that respect.

marionk Tue 25-Jun-19 10:34:37

Towing courses are available through the Caravan and Motorhome Club and elsewhere, they are brilliant and teach you all the steps to hitching and unhitching as well as towing. I did one before we got our caravan as I had never towed and now I do it all as DHs health is not brilliant, he is a great believer in me knowing how to do stuff just in case. But if you don’t want to do that you can get people to move your caravan for you, I know someone who has theirs professionally moved so that they only have to drive to the side in their car.

winterwhite Tue 25-Jun-19 10:41:54

Good for you, Dolly, to tackle this holiday knowing that it will worry you. Solidarity from another habitual worrier.
When my DC were still children they once gave me a framed poster of a panda placidly chewing bamboo, saying 'Don't tell me not to worry. The things I worry about never happen.'
Usually true. My mother always said 'That was a waste of a good worry' when things when off without a hitch.
Have a good time.

Ginny42 Tue 25-Jun-19 10:44:10

I can tow a caravan on a straight road, but don't ask me to manoeuvre it into position or turn it round! It's not an easy task so I'm not surprised you find it daunting.

Sorry if someone has already mentioned this, but you know those emergency call wristbands or one on a cord, can you use them wherever you? If you tell them you're going on holiday can you still use them to call for help? Would it give you peace of mind to have one?

NanaSuzy Tue 25-Jun-19 10:45:40

Stella1949 that sums up my husband to a T; he is hopeless in times when I'm not well. He is brilliant at DIY, and anything practical but no good at caring! I have worried all our lives, but have finally got a grip - life really is so short, worry is a total waste of time. Re OP, I have given up holidays, I hate them and they just cause a whole load of stress to me. We have recently moved, to the area I have wanted to live all my life - I love the house and have no desire to go anywhere at all, certainly not at present. DH very happy to go places on his own, so we are perfectly happy with the situation.

Shalene777 Tue 25-Jun-19 10:50:13

My husband does everything, sorting things out etc...
I was constantly worrying about what would happen if???? So I sat him down and together we wrote out a list of all the things I would need to do to keep everything on track. I'm in charge of all the finances so wrote a list for him and now both lists are in a little safe so that if anything happens to either of us the other can continue without issue.

whywhywhy Tue 25-Jun-19 10:58:53

I'm just the same. I used to tow our caravan when we went to DH car do. He would streak away in his little hotrod. One day I thought - to hell with this!! I stopped doing it and the caravan got replaced with a small tent. Much easier to manouvre. Think of yourself. If it makes you stressed then don't do it. Remember stress does shorten our lives. I do worry though so have loads of sympathy for you. Take care x

Minerva Tue 25-Jun-19 11:00:44

Enjoy your holiday dolly56. All will be well and if your DH is taken unwell then you will get help from the Club or your insurance and it will become a blip in your life journey. People are usually helpful in such situations.

It’s exhausting to live with a worrier. Of course I worry when a family member is in trouble but otherwise I presume bad things won’t happen and deal with them when/if they do. My daughter sees disaster round every corner and the constant anxiety wears me into the ground.

Calendargirl I am going to print out your rhyme for her though I don’t know if she can be helped. She was such a happy-go-lucky little girl up to school age when fears took over.

EmilyHarburn Tue 25-Jun-19 11:05:44

dolly56 you are doing the right think looking in advance at what you would have to do in an emergency. I ran a residential home for 4 years and we had a page of actions to take on each type of emergency i.e resident going missing, resident dying or getting seriously ill, etc. As we grow older it is helpful to haves these things written down on a a sheet where we can locate it and find the number to ring.

The Red Cross have a free Emergency app to advise you on emergencies but I have not tried it or read reviews.

Diane227 Tue 25-Jun-19 11:13:32

My husband wants to go on walks in the country but he has arthritis in both knees. I worry about what would happen if his knees give way and we cant get a phone signal to ask for help. Silly but I cant help it.

Marilla Tue 25-Jun-19 11:20:49

When I was a young woman, I could cope with anything the world, job and family threw at me. Now as a middle aged woman, I have turned into an anxious, ridden old lady who cannot go out for a coffee without anxiety. No amount of mind games helps and it is exhausting.
You have my sympathy all you worriers out there.

Viviness Tue 25-Jun-19 11:20:55

I'm a worrier. I never used to be until I had children. Then the 'what if' comes into play. When they went out and were home late, if they went abroad what would happen if, all those things. Now they are both married and I still worry about them I think it is normal. I worry about myself too, having just had a recent operation I worried about the what ifs with that, but I survived. Whilst in Hospital I watched the other patients and the staff and had some great advice from this forum and I do think most people worry about something.
Now I try to make plans if I am worrying about something, so I am prepared a little. I try to reason with myself and have to be accepting that things do happen, but if you are prepared and have made plans then it will not be so bad.

So get yourself organised, have your plans in place, and go and enjoy yourself and try not to worry too much x

Gingergirl Tue 25-Jun-19 11:23:53

I think you can only prepare/control life up to a point. And the thing with worrying, is that even if you’ve done all of that, you may still find something else to worry about! Worry stems from thinking about the past and the future. If we can keep our thoughts centred around the present moment, a lot of the worry dissipates. So it may help to just focus on the ‘now’..if your mind wanders off, bring it are things right at this moment? If they’re good, try to be accepting and grateful. Its a habit we all need to cultivate, you’re not alone!🙂

CarlyD7 Tue 25-Jun-19 11:27:14

99.9% of what we worry about never happens - what a terrible waste of our one precious life! I was a worrier from being very young but both counselling and meditation really helped. Hope you find something that helps you.

Orchidlover Tue 25-Jun-19 11:32:58

I worry all the time too my family say mum nothing can do in the middle of the night ! But I worry so much about granddaughter for instance, 22 and she home from uni and I swear she is using drugs.

newgran2019 Tue 25-Jun-19 11:39:27

Dolly56 and Oldgimmer1, I think I'm like you both. I have been a worrier/overthinker since childhood (mother has narcissistic personality problems, which can't have helped, but I didn't know that then) and have had bouts of anxiety and depression on and off, plus a phobia of driving, so I couldn't tow the caravan anyway! Having a religious faith can sometimes make it worse, as one feels one ought to trust in God and let go of the worries. I have tried counselling, yoga, antidepressants, etc. as well but can't seem to escape from my own nature. But on the plus side I do find pleasure in even small things and am always grateful for all I have that's good.

moggie57 Tue 25-Jun-19 11:43:36

make sure you have all his medical notes.and a mobile that works.make sure the caravan is equiped with a first aid box.and that you know the basics for life saving ( cant think of the word i need ). be prepared .have a lovely holiday...

justanovice Tue 25-Jun-19 11:44:38

Hello Oldgimmer1. I didn't realise that it had a name. I've felt like that for most of my life. It's only now that I'm in my sixties that I'm finally becoming more relaxed about things.

Pat1949 Tue 25-Jun-19 11:45:09

You can get insurance to get the caravan back home. To be honest, for peace of mind, I would do it. Google it. It took me to Go Compare but I didn't any further.

Newatthis Tue 25-Jun-19 11:52:37

I was like you for many years and it all made me ill. I was worrying about EVERYTHING! Then, one morning, I woke up and said to myself "I am never going to worry again about things I have no control over". I chant this (to myself) everyday and I have since become much healthier and happier. It's difficult at first but if you can't control it then don't worry. Yes, bad things happen but most of the time they don't.

Tillybelle Tue 25-Jun-19 12:04:13

dolly56 Oh bless you! As so many have said here, I too understand exactly how you feel. Once a very frightening event has happened it stays with you and you cannot help but worry about how you would cope if it happened again, especially on holiday.

I think if your DH were to be ill while you are away in your caravan, people would all help you and the help he would receive would be the same as if he were at home. Nobody would expect you to tow your caravan home or do anything difficult. People always rally round and help in a time of emergency such as this. Try to "let go and trust" as a friend of mine who had chronic anxiety told me.

There are many of us who understand this feeling of impending doom and terror that you have. It really would be worth discussing it with your Doctor. The events around your DH's illness may have left you a little traumatised and you deserve some help to get through this.

Please try to trust that that if the worst happens then people will help you and you will cope, we always do. But most of all, keep things in perspective, the worst does not usually happen! No doubt your husband is now taking better care of himself, or is on some medication to prevent another attack. Try to live in the moment, enjoy the lovely things happing right now, the smell of roses, taste of coffee, beautiful view, comfortable bed, good company... Give yourself permission to indulge in what is happening that you enjoy and immerse yourself in lovely things.

Wishing you a very happy future and that you feel stronger and more confident each minute. With love, Elle x 🌈🌼💐

Chino Tue 25-Jun-19 12:11:34

MY husband is 87 and has decided he does not want to travel abroad again - I know he is worried he might be taken ill when out of the country

Apricity Tue 25-Jun-19 12:19:04

I have always worried about being a worrier and all round catastrophizer but was recently quite thrilled to read that the best person to be with in a challenging situation is just such a person. Because we, the worriers of the world, have already anticipated the worst possible scenario and have the solutions and way forward already worked out. Such consolation. Fellow worry warts take heart, we too will have our moment.

Craftycat Tue 25-Jun-19 12:47:28

I do wonder if this is a symptom of getting older- I never used to be a worrier but now I can lie awake at night worrying for England!
Family, DH's job, health ( which is perfect!) DGC, sons,money, even the cats!!!
It is so frustrating to feel really tired but not able to turn off the thoughts. I do meditate which helps as does reading my Kindle to make me 'turn off the thoughts' but it takes a while.
DH never worries about anything & sleeps like a log. Which is also very annoying!