Gender stereotypes - what do YOU think?

It's interesting how gender roles can change over time, and thus gender stereotyping and cause rifts and differing expectations among generations.

I've seen threads here where the MIL is very offended that her DIL isn't taking on the role of social director for her family. As in, buying cards and gifts for her husbands parents, or reminding him of his parents birthdays, etc.

Comments on the discussion include things like "men aren't good at remembering these things, his wife should do it" and that the DIL is thoughtless and cruel for not doing it for her husband, but her husband (the MIL's own son) is not at all blamed for being thoughtless and not remembering his own mother's birthday.

Posters make comments about how they always did that for their husbands and as a woman their DILs should do the same.

Other posters say the son is able to get him self dressed and to work in the morning, and able to do a good enough job to not get fired, so surely he can remember to buy and send a card for his mom's birthday.

Then posters argue about the rude younger DIL generation and things get heated.

I think science has pretty much proved that female and male brains are no different, and that gender stereotypes are a social concept. I think we are all unconsciously influenced by gender stereotypes to some extent whether aware or not, but there is much more knowledge these days about how this can affect children, both positively and negatively. Many books for kids for example now show both sexes enjoying different roles and jobs. Advertising portrays men and women in more diversified roles, but still have a way to go. My own children are more aware than I was as a parent and make an effort to encourage their children to pursue varied interests not based on gender. Children's friends are influential in promoting stereotypes because children want to fit it with their peers. I think it's probably not so much what we say but our attitude and the role model we give our children and grandchildren and what they see as "the norm" at home that has the biggest influence.

A certain amount of gender difference and awareness seems to come automatically to children in the early primary school years without any influence from anyone. I can remember DD3 - now in her 40s - when age 6 refusing to practise cartwheels in a field miles from anywhere in case someone saw her pants. That was not uncommon then and isn't uncommon now. It evolves into early modesty that I'd not like to see disappear.

As a child I played with cars and trains and played Cowboys and Indians with the boys at school. In the summer I lived in shorts. Winters were more difficult because trousers for girls weren't as common in the 50s. I was mad about horses, but hated dolls. Around the age of 10 I started to get interested in dolls and by 13 the hormones had really kicked in and I was as female as anyone could have wanted. Never did become frilly though, I like hippyish clothes but nothing too girly.

We have 3 grandsons so they all get to be treated much the same, but as well as all the boyish toys they all like painting and cake decorating and advising me on what clothes I should be buying.

That's one of the appalling things about puberty blockers - they prevent development into the adult man or woman you are meant to be.

IMO, you (general) need to follow the parents' lead. If they emphasize princesses for girls and trucks, etc. for boys, you can't go against that too much. Well, ok, you could buy books or gender neutral toys, etc. But I wouldn't push a Barbie doll on a GS or a set of trucks on a GD if the parents were against it. Personally, I try to avoid gender stereotyping, but overall, this is part of raising a child and so, a parental decision.

I don't think we can do much about how faith-based societies or very traditional cultures handle these issues. We can pass laws, etc., but they are still going to teach their children what they believe, both by word and example. If the kids see changes happening in the general society, maybe they'll act differently w/ their children. But they might not.

As for accepting a trans child, I think it's great if the family is ok with a boy saying, I am/want to be a girl" or a girl saying, "I am/want to be a boy." But I think we have to avoid jumping to conclusions. If they are little, they may just be expressing jealousy of an "opposite sex" (for want of a better term) sibling or trying to fit into a family that tends to favor men or women (which they shouldn't do, of course). I wouldn't fight it, but I wouldn't rush to start treating the child as trans. If the identification persists, especially as the child nears puberty, then I would begin to see them as trans.

As for my own DGC, I'm happy to say that DD and SIL don't try to force them to fit into any preconceived gener roles. They're given household chores, for example, according to age/ability, not gender. And they're allowed to play w/ both "boys' toys" and "girls'," regardless of gender.

I don't give much thought to gender stereotypes when I buy toys for my DGC. For example, if a GD loves dolls, I'll buy her dolls. If she prefers what traditionally are "boys' toys," I'll get her those. But I don't deliberately buy her either one to try to enforce a stereotype or make sure not to. Same w/ a GS. It's sort of an organic thing for me, just going by what the child enjoys.

"A certain amount of gender difference and awareness seems to come automatically to children in the early primary school years without any influence from anyone. "

I agree w/ the first part of this statement, winterwhite, but I'm not so sure about the "without any influence from anyone." I think they're influenced by other children, and there are always one or two whose parents are enforcing certain gender stereotypes. Also, IMO, it's possible your DD3 was just expressing modesty or fear of being laughed at when she worried about her panties showing. And I think that shows an effect of how our society handles gender, also. If she had been a boy and wearing trousers, there wouldn't have been that concern. But she was a girl and wearing a dress or a skirt, hence the issue.

youtu.be/nWu44AqF0iI

Interesting watch.

Pink Lego - why!!! Nature and nurture have a part to play. My DGD until she started nursery was exposed mainly to her cousins, who are boys. She is delighltfully full on and loves monsters and dinosaurs. Once at nursery, and more importantly exposed to her recenlty aquired older stepsister, she has started being much more 'girly'. She still prefers to draw monsters though. However, Mermaids an unicorns are now high on her list of favourite things. DGD have always played with 'masculine' toys. Lego and Imaginext being the favourites. They do have a toy kitchen though - which is well played with. We have a mixture of toys at ours, mainly building, puzzle or craft related. We do have imaginext and a dolls house. All played with by both sexes. I do think sickly, pink wimpy toys with little play value are pushed on girls more now than they ever were. But I do think that overtly pink and sparkly clotes are now seen as a bit 'common' amongst thinking parents. (Gosh that sounds snobby! And I am as common as muck!)

I think none of raising GC to be my control. Their parents are raising in gender neutral ways and I think that to be normal.

I'm raising my grandson according to his likes and preferences.
He has a huge box full of toy guns, swords, and so on.
He has always enjoyed traditionally male pastimes, which seems fair enough to me.