I've given a lot of advice on this forum telling other grans to bite their tongues and not offer opinions lest they get into trouble with their adult children. Alas! Today I should have bitten mine!!
My (almost twelve years old) GS has always been difficult and won't take no for an answer. He somehow manages to get decent grades at school but discipline is another matter. He is always getting into trouble for one thing or another. In a nutshell, his self esteem is low even though he's tall, good looking and smart. He has a lot of anger and a very negative attitude.
Most recently, he's been bullying other boys at school, My DD2 is constantly getting calls from his teachers, his coaches and now his summer camp adviser. She called today, quite distraught. It seems Grandson got into a row with two other boys and he gave one of the boys a bloody nose!
When DD asked me what could possibly be wrong with him, I couldn't keep my big mouth shut. " It's his own father" I blurted out..."..he's been bullying the boy since he was scarcely a toddler." Always berating him verbally even in front of us, his grandparents. We've heard him say things like " Why are you still alive?" Why can't you act like a human?" or "Stop behaving like an animal (idiot, a...hole)!" Always yelling and calling him names. I've seen him provoke the boy and then punish him when he reacts. (Incidentally, he's not like that with his sister, DGD).
The other side of this is that our SIL2 was bullied terribly as a boy by his own father (the same man who called our/his GS "a sneak and a monster").....GS was only three years old at the time.
As misguided as he may be, I know SIL2 loves his son and he loves my daughter and that deep down he's a good man, but for years, I've watched my beautiful GS get ruined by his own father's ignorance and stupidity.....and I've always stayed silent!
When DD called today, I don't know what gremlins got into me, but I blurted it out. I told her point blank that she should look at her own husband. I told her that if I was mistreated the way he mistreats his own son, I would walk around with a lot of (unresolved) anger too. I may have said some other things too, but that was the gist. Long story short, DD2 hung up on me.
Why. oh why couldn't I have stayed silent and continued to lend a sympathetic ear, as I've always done? I know I should and will apologize but I can't take back my words and I don't even know if an apology will be enough. How am I going to fix this? Help!
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