Callistemon, you are wrong. My posts are supporting her and letting her know her feelings are valid. And that she and DH need to do something about MIL before there is no relationship at all.
And no, a 1 year old does not need to bond with someone who they won’t remember because she visits so rarely (thank goodness).
MIL should be calm, quiet and let him come to her. She has 10 days to gently let him warm up to her. Forcing herself on him, disrupting his routine and being rude to his mom is not helpful or ok. I’m shocked you would think it is acceptable behavior.
The truth is, this is the kind of behavior that creates estrangement. And a lot of the advice on here is for OP to just accept MIL’a behavior and wait out the visit. Except, that’s not how people work. OP will worry about this, stress about the next visit. She will become resentful of MIL and of her own DH. This is already happening. I’m not feeding her fears, I’m hearing her fears and letting her know to act now to prevent this from getting worse.
Advising her to put up with it, grit her teeth, aren’t helpful. They are harmful to the OP and to MIL.
MIL needs to learn how to be a respectful MIL, grandmother and mother to an adult son. Since she hasn’t come by this naturally, she will need to be taught.
If OP wants to be kind to MIL and to DH she needs to be clear with them about her expectations and behavior that is acceptable to her. And there needs to be consequences should MIL misbehave.
This is a big issue. Some MILa on here just don’t want to see it because it’s not what they want. They want to play mommy to someone else’s baby. They are resentful their “baby boys” are now adults with wives who are important to them. They want to be their boys #1. They want to put the wife “in her place”. They want to get their warm and fuzzies from a baby and they don’t care how much it upsets the baby or the baby’s mom.
These women need to get lives of their own. MIL had a tradition when DH was growing up that she bakes a bday cake. That’s great, what wonderful memories for her and DH.
But now MIL has decided that she will create a new tradition of baking someone else’s child bday cake.
You don’t get to put your traditions on other people. OP and DH are their own family, creating their own traditions and memories. They are not part of MIL’s family.
I know people here don’t like to hear that, but it’s true. MIL has no say, influence, rights, or expectations on OP’s children.
None.
Minimizing OP’s feelings will only cause her to become more resentful. And will only allow the issues to fester. Then the relationship will be over.
The responsible thing, the respectful thing, the kind thing to do is call out MIL, teach her how to be a MIL and GM and give her consequences when she acts up so she can learn.
Then maybe, maybe, a relationship can be saved and rebuilt.
But brushing it all under the rug will almost guarantee a cut off in the future.
Just read this board and you’ll see I’m right.