You're married and...

Someone I know was married yesterday. From being a Potter, she became a Nutter!
I took my husband’s surname when we married, 54 years ago, but would have thought twice about becoming a Nutter, I think.

I took my husband's surname when I married him and changed back to my birth surname (I hate the term 'maiden' name) when I divorced him. I'm now also Ms or Miss, not Mrs (which I also hate). If I were ever to marry again - which I very much doubt - I wouldn't change. It took ages to get everything sorted to my birth surname - bank details, new will, and lots more besides - but it was worth it to get rid of everything associated with my ex-husband and his family. We had no children together, so his surname is forever erased from my life. I think that in these days of equality, women shouldn't feel they have to be known by their husbands' surnames when they marry - they're not possessions. And men shouldn't take it for granted that their new wives will make the change.

In Scotland was the usual custom to take the man's name. A lot of people though are given a surname as a middle name, can be from Father 's or Mother's side of the family. Think it originally may have been to recognise a 'clan' name hence older folk are inclined to to have what we would call a surname as a middle name. For wedding birth death announcements the females surname was always uncluded eg death of Claire Fraser (nee McDonald) and was shown on gravestones. Nowadays feel sorry for the children in families where there are different fathers other than the children all have the mother's surname. So much for giving children consistency and security if your brothers or sisters all have different names. Traditionalist me always been Mrs.

I am now married to the man I was in love with when we were at school - but we had both gone our separate ways, married and had children, before both getting divorced. At school I had his name and mine scribbled all over my jotter, with things like "Boyfriend and Gizzy Hisname" and "Mrs Gizzy Hisname". I'd really wanted to marry him.

I was proud of my short simple surname and didn't that much care for my first married name, though I'm happy that my children have it. But I'd had a career as Gizzy Me and preferred to keep it and over the years more and more documents reverted to that name. Husband #1 even got to accept being addressed as "Mr Me" (as indeed has husband #2).

The thing is, my current DH has a beautiful surname but people often can't spell it. I'm a teacher. My own name only has three letters and children can spell it. I got married while I was teaching in school and our wedding picture was in the paper. When I got back to school after half-term, children had written on the board "welcome back Mrs Lovely name" with some big spelling errors. So I'm MRS Me as I'm clearly a married lady with kids.

I hated changing to my husband's surname when we married in the seventies. I liked my surname and didn't like his. I'm still having to spell it out to people. However I've learned to live with it. I don't like the way I can't find old friends on facebook because they've all got married and changed their names. It seems to me that a woman loses her identity when she marries.

I use first names quite often for informal letters and cards....just Mary and John and the address...have given up trying to work out which couples have got round to marriage, who has what title, and what surnames they have settled for.
I never used to use the official version of...Mrs John Smith, reverting to Mrs Mary Smith on widowhood...how horrible, as well as being patriarchal!

When I remarried I refused to take my new husbands name as so complicated and had a strange first married name. After divorce from husband I took my mothers maiden name and as living alone called myself Mrs. People don't know how to address Christmas cards etc to us but I am fine with any name to be honest and sometimes people do ask on the official side if actually married and I briefly explain. Whatever suits you and you feel comfortable with I would say. Personally I have never liked Ms.

I like the idea of keeping ones maiden name and would rather like to have done. It intensely irritates me when people write to us both/send us a Christmas card addressed to ‘Mr and Mrs John Smith.’ I have a name! I am an individual! In fact, it makes me very angry ?
It’s so annoying that I’m actually not interested in, say, a Christmas card that’s been addressed like this. Also, I am the one who pays the bills: why the heck should I when my name isn’t even there? Some bills omit me altogether and are just addressed to ‘Mr John Smith.’ Extremely annoying!!!!!!
Whether I’m called Ms or Mrs doesn’t worry me.

I used my maiden name for work purposes and my married name for things to do with the family and children. My then husband and I worked together and once when we went to a conference together someone thought he was having an affair with me lol! Because they knew he was married and we had different names. When we divorced I reverted completely to my maiden name and Ms as a title when needed.

When we got married in 1972, I did not take my husband's surname. (There were two Mrs B...s at the time, my MIL and my FIL's second wife). It was far less common then. I use Ms, not Mrs. I have one family member who insists upon sending me cards address to Mrs Mary B...., even though it's not my name. It really annoys me. It's as if she thinks it's the law that you have to change surnames on marriage. And no, it's not in the least confusing. My two married daughters have both taken their husbands' surnames, which disgusts my feminist oldest daughter. It means all five of us have different surnames as oldest "turned her name inside out", preferring my mother's surname, which she had been given as a third forename. I am interested in all this, as you can tell! I wrote a book about names (now o.p.), published in 1983.

I don’t use a title anymore ....if it’s absolutely necessary then I use Ms. what difference does it make to anybody if I’m married or not! Mens’ title doesn’t intimate whether they’re married or single ...why should ours. My husband also refused point blank to wear a wedding ring...so I took mine off and told him what’s good for the goose is good for the gander! His face was a picture .... 47 years later it’s still in its box and he still refuses to wear one!

I resented having taken my ‘current’ husbands name years ago when I was invited to a Garden Party ?. It was an invitation to me alone however it was addressed to me as Mrs my husbands initial inserted before our surname. It was then that I realized how I could be anyone really and was just his possession and he wasn’t even invited!!

I reverted to my maiden name after divorce over a decade ago and I'm about to tie the knot again. I'm most definitely keeping my maiden name but if I'm called Mrs and partners surname I'm not going to be bothered or offended. In the same way as he's decided he doesn't want to wear a wedding ring, that doesn't bother me either. Everyone knows me by my maiden name professionally and the hassle, not to mention cost of changing seems a little pointless if it's of no benefit.

When I married seventy three years ago there was no question about being Mrs G (my husbands name) and was proud to do so and still use that form of address after being widowed for thirty years. My daughter in law and grandson’s wife are also Mrs G. No one in our family has not taken their husbands surname and are pleased to be Mrs.

I happily took my husbands name 43 years ago when we married , I feel it indicates a family unit when I say Mr and Mrs Nanaandgrampy and little nanaandgrampys . I'm not sorry I did it although I went from a simple surname to one I have to spell 9 times out of 10.

I'm also happy to be a Mrs - that's what I am after all . Id rather that than when I use a call centre and they dive in, call me by my first name and want to be pals LOL !!

Hmm, my reaction to the title was.....Then you’re stuck with the bugger!
My maiden name was lovely but my married name is not

I had a long career and was known by my original name, so remained Ms SparklyGrandma.

However some people say in the NHS called all women over a certain age, here, Mrs.

It jolts me and gives me a chuckle, it has turned me into my paternal grandmother!

I wouldn't feel married if I hadn't taken my husband's name.

I don't mind others deciding to keep their maiden names though.

Admittedly, when this started in the 1970s I found the reason given, that taking your husband's name somehow made you his property stupid. The logical conclusion that the Women's Lib refused to see was that if that is so, using your maiden name made you your father's property!

The only confusing aspect is that you have to remember two names for a married couple and ask which surname any children they may have go by.

I got married when I was in my late 30s and found that although I don't really like my maiden name, I felt that it was 'me', so I hyphenated with DHs name. I find that works well. Also I like being Mrs!

Ms is if your divorced or a little older for me. I went back to Ms when I divorced the ex also reverting to my maiden name, with it

Mrs when I remarried. I am proud to be married to my second husband, soul mate and best friend.

Mrs has a widow which unfortunately I am now. No intention of changing it from Mrs with my husband name. I shall remain this whilst alive as I wont be having any new relationship to be clear

My daughter who hasnt married yet has used Ms for some years now. She is 32. Sounds right to me that after the age of 21 she started using Ms

My maiden name was always pronounced wrongly here in Germany, so I didn't think twice about taking my husband's name (married in 1977). However, now my German surname is always pronounced wrongly in the UK.

In most situations, is not usual to use a person's Christian name in Germany, so by default I am Frau B. All women are known as "Frau ...." whether married or not.

My DS1 has a conventional situation where my DiL has taken our name. DS2 has chosen to use our family name for his daughters but his wife has kept her maiden name.

Both in German and in English it is difficult to know how to address envelopes. I never learned the rules properly in German, but when I was doing secretarial training in England in the 70s, it was "Mr and Mrs Hisname Surname" for married couples, and "Mrs Hername Surname" for divorcees, "Mrs Hisname Surname" (I think?) for widows.

"Ms" had just been thought of and we were allowed to use it, but I can't remember the rules for it. We certainly didn't have any help as to how to format an address for a co-habiting couple, or for a married couple with different names.

My sister uses her married name. She was only married for a short time back in the 70s, but at the same time was establishing her career, and never changed the name back.

I have found the following page with guidelines for addressing envelopes, but it seems to be the American version:

www.everafterguide.net/how-to-address-a-letter-to-married-couple-with-different-last-names.html

Jackb I have American relatives who have kept their own names, I address my letters to them ;

Luke Hisname and Miriam Hername.

To add to all this, my AS changed his surname by Deed Poll to my surname at age 20. He didn’t like his fathers surname. So my DGD are all Firstname Mysurname.

It’s makes it look like I was never married but I keep quiet ???

I took my husband's surname but used my maiden name professionally.
Now divorced, I have reverted to using my maiden name and Miss, in all circumstances.

I changed my surname name to my first husbands surname when I got married. When I remarried after getting divorced I kept my first husbands surname. My new husband was not upset, he said I could call myself what ever I wanted. Changing your name should be a personal choice.

DH’s surname is nicer than my maiden name and it never occurred to me not to take it. It’s a common Scottish name but even so I’m asked to spell it on a regular basis. My first name is slightly unusual and it is regularly mispronounced and misspelt. ?