Loyalty

I’m from the states and have a different view. I’ve been married to a narcissistic man for 45 years that thinks he is knows all. And I took it for 40 years before I said ENOUGH! When he made a rude and embarrassing remark about me to friends at our home, I started looking around, in the trash bin, the cupboards just everywhere until someone asked what I was looking for. I told them I was looking for the person my husband was speaking to because surely he wasn’t speaking to ME. Everyone got a laugh out of it and things moved on. When they left I confronted my husband and told him I would no longer tolerate the way he spoke to me in private or public when the mood was on him and that there would be consequences. It works about 85% of the time. Instead of turning this into a battle of wills try standing up for yourself, letting this one go but tell him there will be consequences if it happens again. You have already lost this one.

First of, you are worth loving ok? I always get a big piece of paper and write pros and cons on it, Sometime it is obvious what you must do. Would it be worth speaking to your GP about help with your anxiety and self esteem?
Maybe if you felt better about yourself, this wouldn't have escalated and made you feel like this? Take care xx

Is he usually good to you and are you usually happy with him?

If not, think about leaving him perhaps.

If he's usually all right to you, perhaps do as some posters have suggested and try to put it behind you. Maybe try and talk to him and suggest you both talk reasonably to each other in private and certainly in public.

It's a normal response to be defensive when criticised. Your hubby was just lashing out. Cut yourselves some slack, it's not worth the drama n angst. My advice is to forgive n move on.

My DH does this. When we bicker and row (which we do a lot) he says, 'You criticise me but there is so much I could say about you that I just don't.'

When I challenge him to be honest, to say what he means and to let me either defend myself from the accusations or modify my behaviour, he refuses to say anything.

My reply is that if he will not be upfront with what dissatisfies him then that is his problem to deal with, not mine. Apart from anything else there is always a strong chance that, in such a case, that he is making it up. 'I know what I know but I am not telling you,' is vague nonsense.

In my husband's case, he will not come out with that which annoys him because he knows I am clever and rational and that he will not make any criticism stick. Of course, were I in the wrong, I'd apologise and he knows it. In a way, his vague accusations are a kind of sulk where he is trying to gain the higher moral ground but without any evidence or right to hold it.

It sounds, OP, that you are in a quandrary. You are a nice person and you are being taken advantage of by a bullying other. You will either have to grow an armadillo shell against your DH (and DD) or give some ultimatums about the behaviour of those with whom you live along the lines of, 'Put up or shut up.'

My sympathy to smedleys wife, do not be put down by this man, try to be assertive.I live with such a man and it really does get me down at times,I know exactly how you feel, but do not let him destroy you.
Sending hugs