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Grand mother - grand child generation gap

(51 Posts)
WishIwasyounger Wed 09-Oct-19 11:23:08

Watching my new grandchild last night, I wondered how she will remember me when she grows up. When I think back to my fathers mother (my mothers mother died when I was young so I don't remember her) I think of an old lady who never really spent much time with me as she always seemed so infirm.
I'm hoping to spend lots of time with mine and do exciting things like bike riding and going walking up hills.
I think (hoping that) the generation gap between me and my gran was much wider than the one between me and my grand daugher, as older people nowadays are younger than they used to be.
What do other GN's think.

Cherrytree59 Wed 09-Oct-19 11:46:25

I was lucky as a child and right up until I was in my thirties
I was able to wonderful relationship with my grandparents and miss them dearly.

I am endervouring to build a warm and loving relationships with my young grandchildren.

wishiwasyounger I and my husband have been able to have adventures with our grandsons, go bike riding, walking, swimming.
We have also visited castles, caves, beaches built snowmen etc.
We enjoy snuggling up on the sofa with popcorn to watch a film or play lego.

Most of these things apart from the beach, I did not do with my grandparents, However I loved them dearly and I know they loved me.

So I would say the geration gap between me and my grandparents and me and my grandchildren feels the same.

Congratulations on the birth of your new grandchild you have much to look forward to.thanks

Sara65 Wed 09-Oct-19 12:08:33

I spent a lot of time with my maternal grandparents, and I was in my thirties when they died. We didn’t do much adventurous stuff, more a day to day looking after, but I have happy memories of them, and they never seemed really old to me, but my dads parents always seemed ancient!

I hope my grandchildren will remember me fondly, I’m very close to one set, because they live closer, and we have lots of fun, so hopefully, they won’t just remember me as an ancient old crone!

gillybob Wed 09-Oct-19 12:17:17

I had my grandma with me right up until I was 54 years old (3 years ago) . She was the most central part of my life as I was growing up and I loved her more than my own parents. She was very easy to love though as she was the only person I could ever really talk to. I still miss her every minute of every day.

I became a grandma myself at the age of 44 when my first granddaughter was born (she is now 13) and I like to think we still have a lot of shared interests. She does confide in me about her day to day worries and our time together is very special.

My own parents were not hands on grandparents and were too wrapped up in each other to have time for anyone else.

Parsley3 Wed 09-Oct-19 12:19:32

I adore my grandchildren but I fear that the generation gap is all too evident to them, despite my best efforts to keep up with the kids. It is most evident when they are demonstrating computer games to me. They whizz through the instructions with no expectations of me catching up. In return, though, I teach them to play board games, cards and dominoes and we all enjoy these.
Having said that I love being the older and wiser member of their family and I hope they will have fond memories of time spent with Grandma.

Nansnet Wed 09-Oct-19 12:59:14

I spent a lot of time with both my maternal, and paternal grandparents, and loved them all dearly. They each had different qualities that I remember with fondness, and I have wonderful memories of them all. Sometimes, I went on holiday with them, one of them took me off on exciting day trips, and the other played silly games with me, and let me 'do her hair' in weird and wonderful styles!Lol I miss them all so much. I did think of them as old, at the time, but all of my grandparents were actually very young, as my parents were very young when they had me back in the early 60s. When you're a child, you tend to think most adults are old. I think that as long as we show love, and are attentive to our grandchildren, they're going to love us, whatever the age gap ... age is but a number.

EllanVannin Wed 09-Oct-19 13:00:23

I never knew either sets of GP's when I was growing up in the 40's, but I got to meet dad's old aunts and sister. Very stifling house with it's long thick nets and heavy chenille curtains.
A huge grandfather clock that frightened me to death and fussy old women in long black dresses and crisp aprons. A massive aspidistra blocked the view from the window.

Looking back, I'd been terrified as it was like a Halloween film set or the Adams Family. It was if they'd never seen a child before and all I did was hide behind my dad, petrified. That memory of the past has stayed with me.

Dad had lived in a big house with his parents and brothers and sister and they had a maid. Maybe just as well his parents weren't around with all their Victorian attitudes.

I think things have changed since hahahaha. All my GC are adults but my GGC know me well enough not to forget me.

Maggiemaybe Wed 09-Oct-19 13:31:59

Isn’t the generation gap one of the plus points of the grandparent/grandchild relationship though? The only grandparent I knew was my grandma, who I adored. She was born in 1880 so told me tales of Victorian times, had family portraits and stuffed birds in glass cases on display, wore hats and buttoned shoes and smelt of Devon Violets. When I stayed at hers I wore a full-length flannel nightie buttoned up to the neck and slept in a huge feather bed with a stone hot water bottle. I didn’t want her to enthuse over the Monkees or play tennis with me, I just wanted her to be my grandma.

My grandsons now have a good laugh at my attempts at playing football with them, at the park and online, and we have fun with their toys, games and screens. But they also like looking through old black and white photos and ask about my childhood with the outside toilet and smacking teachers, they enjoy playing dominoes and board games. We went conkering yesterday. It’s an added dimension to the relationship and I hope they remember it fondly.

gillybob Wed 09-Oct-19 13:37:41

My grandsons now have a good laugh at my attempts at playing football with them, at the park

Me and my DGS have the best fun plying footie together . He always wins about 25-nil but its not really about the winning is it Maggiemaybe? grin

Maggiemaybe Wed 09-Oct-19 13:41:15

It’s character building, gilly (for me). grin

They usually stick me in goals.

luluaugust Wed 09-Oct-19 15:05:01

WishIwasyounger I do hope you have lots of fun playing and running round with your new GC. My only surviving grandparent my mother's mother was 70 whe I was born and deaf, by the time I can remember her she was pretty immobile and I never really got to chat to her or stay with her. I hope I have done better but most of my running round was done with my now grown up grandchildren, the last one has no idea I ever ran anywhere!

kircubbin2000 Wed 09-Oct-19 15:09:29

My gran let me do all the things I wasn't allowed to do at home in case I made a mess. I baked,shopped, cleaned the fire and hoovered. Also did a lot of gardening,walks in the country and visiting friends as if I was on their level.
She died soon after my second son was born.
Although my mum was very hard on me 2 of my children had a great relationship with her. I dont think she liked my other son because he was the image of my husband!

KatyK Wed 09-Oct-19 15:18:44

I was 50 when our granddaughter was born. She is 19 and at uni so we don't see much of her now. From the day she was born she has always stayed over on a regular basis.

We always did a lot together - baking, shopping, days out etc. I miss her but she's not too far away and we see her when we can.

agnurse Wed 09-Oct-19 15:46:48

I had an interesting situation because my mother is the oldest of 10 children, and my father is the youngest of 4. He's the youngest by quite a bit - his next oldest sister is 6 years older than he is.

At Mum's parents' home, some of Mum's siblings were still in school when we were very young. (Mum is 17 years older than her youngest brother, and he's only 10 years older than me! I actually have cousins who are younger than my child and some of my nephews.) Consequently, Mum's parents became grandparents in their mid-50s. I remember being very small and my aunts curling my and my sister's hair for us. Mum's mother came when Mum had babies, to help her out.

Dad's parents were quite a bit older, but they still didn't "act their age" - they were very active, even into their late 70s and early 80s. They lived on a large farm. Our grandfather and uncle (aunt and uncle lived on the same farm in a different house) used to take us for rides on the farm equipment, and take us down to the barn to see the cows. Grandma loved to bake and often there would be a freshly made batch of cinnamon rolls or regular dinner rolls cooling on the counter.

We enjoyed both sets of grandparents.

Humbertbear Wed 09-Oct-19 17:40:40

My mother’s mother used to come to stay bringing chocolates and she would tell me fairy stories. When I married we would go to visit her. She always made too much food. My father’s mother didn’t like my mother and didn’t like me and my siblings. Only bad memories of her.
My grandchildren will remember me, I hope, as a tech savvy grandma, with purple nails, who encouraged them to read and was always ready to buy them books. As well as that I’m someone who baked with them, gave them opportunities to do arts and crafts and introduced them to 1950s musicals. Most of all, I’d like them to remember me as someone who loved them unconditionally.

Calendargirl Wed 09-Oct-19 18:48:07

When I was out walking with GD once, she was about 6, I said “when I’m no longer here, what will you remember about me?” She said “I will remember all the fun times we had”

I hope so, I never knew any of my grandparents at all.

nanasam Wed 09-Oct-19 19:32:51

My only grandparent was my maternal GM, who died when I was 8. She had 2 favourites, my sister and one of my cousins. She didn’t like me at all and used to say “you can have a biscuit but not a chocolate one, they are for my A..... and J....”

So, I have no pleasant memories of her at all but I make sure my grandsons know how much I love them so they can have some happy memories

dahlia Wed 09-Oct-19 19:43:56

How very unkind of her, nanasam! I remember my Dad's mother as being very stern, we visited almost every week (I went with Dad, Mum didn't come - wonder why now!) to her flat in north London. I had to speak only when spoken to, was told off if I patted the dog under the table, and felt very lucky if I was given a plain biscuit. Yet my sister, who lived with Nan during the war years, spoke of her very fondly. Nan wasn't harsh, she just didn't know how to deal with me, despite having had three children of her own. Sadly, she died before I grew up, so I never knew her as an adult.

Deedaa Wed 09-Oct-19 20:30:18

My mother quite liked my children but was never what you would call Hands On. When I was 10 we moved in with her mother who always seemed to be telling me that my mother had been better behaved than I was.

I looked after my first two grandsons 5 days a week from the time they were 6 months old and we had a great time. I don't see them so much now but we still play silly games together.

harrigran Thu 10-Oct-19 09:00:37

When I was young grandmothers were for visiting, they certainly did not do child care.
My paternal GM was 70 when I was born and I have photos of her wearing her old lady coats with a fox fur round her neck. I wonder what she would have thought of me wearing leggings and trainers at 70 and playing on the floor with the GC.

morethan2 Thu 10-Oct-19 09:26:30

Now that the oldest of my grandchildren are adults and others moving into their teens I’m starting to feel the ‘age gap’ I was the fun Nanna and we had lots of adventures together. They’ve got adventures of their own now that don’t really include me in the same way. I’ve got nothing of any value to leave them. I hope I’ve given them the knowledge that they were well loved and lots of happy childhood memories to carry with them for the rest of their lives. Enjoy your new grandchild. In lots of ways they were the happiest years of my life.

Madgran77 Thu 10-Oct-19 09:31:31

I remember one grandmother for sharing fruit and lots of stories and games. The other granny was reserved but kind and used to have a musical box we played with. My kids have different but good memories of both sets of grandparents. Not so much adventures as both sets were fairly elderly but lots of chats, day to day stuff and with my mum lots of baking. My relationship with my grandchildren ...I try to build memories for them with baking, sewing, games, occasional trip to a childrens show and such like. They are pleased when they do see me so I hope that they have happy memories

Kerenhappuch Thu 10-Oct-19 09:57:02

I don't see my grandchildren face-to-face very often, but I hope they remember me as someone who loved them very much.

EllanVannin Thu 10-Oct-19 10:01:57

It does show what AGC remember when they were young as was proved yesterday when 2 of my step GC reminded me of the times they stood in turn to lick the wooden spoon and mixing bowl after I'd been baking. And Sunday dinners !

I hadn't remembered but they said they had enjoyed their childhood as I was pretty close to them because their ages were similar to my two girls at the time.

I was also reminded about what could have been a serious incident when my step GD swallowed a 2p piece and it stuck in her throat. I'd given her an almighty thump on her back between her ribs and it shot out. Calming everyone's panicked state was the hardest !

Those kids are now 50 and we're as close as ever, so in my case step-families have been the same as my own flesh and blood as are the step GGC though 3 have lived away.

10 GC and 12 GGC in all, counting step families.

Craftycat Thu 10-Oct-19 10:15:50

I had a wonderful relationship with my maternal GPs as they lived in a house backing onto our garden so I could just pop in anytime Mum was in a bad mood or I wanted sweets!!
Spoiled?? yes - you bet!
They converted their old air raid shelter -which was actually a very large shed into a den for me too.
I am trying to be that sort of 'fun' Grandma to my 6. They come to stay often ( well not the 15 year old now- he is always with the girlfriend!) & I make sure we have lots of craft things around so they can get messy & creative.
However what they like best of all is cooking- the 15 year old can do a variety of dishes- macaroni cheese ( he makes a proper white sauce base) Chinese Chicken - a decent curry etc. He is working on the theory that when he goes to college he will be in demand from a lot of girls of he can cook! Clever boy.
The younger ones make cakes & cookies mostly but as they get older we will start on proper food too.
Just as my Grandma did with me.
I wonder if they will do it with their GC in time?