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Toddler hairstyle too tight?

(40 Posts)
GermanSauerkraut Sat 26-Oct-19 08:53:27

Hello I’m new on gransnet and have already posted my dilemma on here somewhere but think it’s in the wrong place! I try again. My dilemma is that I find it hard to believe offer up advice to my daughter in law as I feel it comes across as a‘criticism’, but I just want to tell her my thoughts sometimes if I’m concerned about anything . So I am worried she ties my one year old daughter’s hair back so tight into a ponytail every day without let up, and sleeps like that as well. I have read this can cause alopecia and headaches. Because any advice I’ve offered in the past has been unwelcome I’m too wary to say anything about my worry. Should I still say something fr the sake of the child’s hair? She just looks bald all the time it’s so tightly scraped back.

GermanSauerkraut Sat 26-Oct-19 08:56:49

Type error : My Grand-daughter ! Not daughter

NanKate Sat 26-Oct-19 09:03:37

From my experience GS the less you say the better. My ex daughter-in-law used to insist that the boys had longish hair with a fringe almost over their eyes it was dreadful. When they got older the eldest now 8 said to me I don’t want a pudding basin haircut anymore and told his mum and he was, with his brother, allowed to have the haircut they wanted. I think you will find your granddaughter will make her views known when she is a little older.

I think you have to sit tight and say nothing.

BlueBelle Sat 26-Oct-19 09:11:34

No don’t say anything it’s not your place unless she asks your opinion
All my childhood I yearned for a fringe like all my classmates but wasn’t allowed one as my Nan (who I adored) told mum I shouldn’t have one it’s not the grandmas place even if you don’t like it or even think it’s not good for her hair
You could throw out the odd subtle remark but that might even work against your plan, otherwise best not
If you ever have alone maybe the band could ‘break’ and you ‘ mend’ it before collection

Dillyduck Sat 26-Oct-19 09:38:38

Maybe ask the little girl what her favourite hair style is? So she knows that it is HER hair.

Luckygirl Sat 26-Oct-19 09:43:19

I do not think you should do or say anything; but I share your puzzlement about this fad for dragging hair tightly back - I think it looks grim; especially when you can see the receding hairline very clearly.

I saw a pic of Serena Williams and her little 2 year old girl, and she had done this with her - bald patches were clearly visible. What is it all about?

MawB Sat 26-Oct-19 10:09:36

Is she only one? None of mine had enough hair until they were 2 or 3!

Chestnut Sat 26-Oct-19 10:30:35

It does seem amazing that she has enough hair at that age to tie up, as it is usually fine and whispy. I can understand your feelings, I'm sure I would feel exactly the same. You could try asking a question in a friendly way 'Do you think she'd be more comfortable with her hair loose when she's sleeping?' which doesn't take the decision away from the mother. The way you speak is all important. If she responds in a positive way you could follow up with 'It might be good for her scalp to have the hair loose' which sounds like you're interested in the child and not in criticising the mother. Just an option for you to consider.

Callistemon Sat 26-Oct-19 10:30:48

I can't bear to see baldish baby girls wearing fussy, right headbands either.

I understand your anxiety, OP, but agree that there is little you can do about it.

She will soon be old enough to pull the offending band off herself if it is uncomfortable- I know my DD would have done.

Callistemon Sat 26-Oct-19 10:31:01

Tight headbands!

Callistemon Sat 26-Oct-19 10:32:54

DD1 had thick hair and enough to tie up by the age of one. I didn't tie it up but she had to have a thorough haircut at 15 months (by a hairdresser).

GermanSauerkraut Sat 26-Oct-19 10:39:56

I am so glad I joined Gransnet aster receiving your reply it has helped me to consider what to do not to - Thankyu very much for your help.

GermanSauerkraut Sat 26-Oct-19 10:41:17

Thankyou everyone for the sage advice 👍🏾

Callistemon Sat 26-Oct-19 10:45:14

You could try mentioning that having a good trim should thicken up the hair.

I think it's an old wives' tale but could work!

MissAdventure Sat 26-Oct-19 11:09:33

I think I might try and be a bit sneaky.
I'd say I was at the hairdressers and she took a phone call from someone asking if she could help with thinning patches of hair...
This lead on to a discussion about pulling hair back into ponytails and the damage she has seen in lots of people.

rockgran Sat 26-Oct-19 11:15:29

My dad was a hairdresser and he wouldn't let me have long hair until I was older. He said I would one day thank him for my thick, strong hair. .....and I do!

Amagran Sat 26-Oct-19 11:20:06

My hair was tied back in plaits all the time when I was little - my lovely dad liked it that way. I remember his sister and mother trying to tell him that it was not good to have it scraped back like that all the time but he took no notice and my mother was probably glad that it was being kept tidy.

As a consequence of this, my hair follicles were all pulled to lie flat and I now have a very strong crown where the hair parts at the back which no amount of styling can hide.

However, it's parents' choice. What, if anything, the OP says, will depend on their relationship with the girl's parents.

Daddima Sat 26-Oct-19 12:12:34

I’d keep ‘advice’ to myself till it was asked for!

( And would you expect a one year old to be able to tell you how she wanted to wear her hair?)

yggdrasil Sat 26-Oct-19 12:32:45

" And would you expect a one year old to be able to tell you how she wanted to wear her hair?"

By the time she is 2 she will have definite ideas:-) My granddaughter wanted it long, and never had it cut. By the tine she was 14 it was longer than her back, and my daughter had plaited it every morning for school.
A couple of months ago, granddaughter decided to have it cut, for a charity that used the hair for wigs for children with cancer. And she did. Raised quite a bit of money, the hairdressers did it for free under the circumstances, and she looks lovely with the modern cut she has now.

GermanSauerkraut Sun 27-Oct-19 07:56:32

Interesting to read all the replies - thank you all so much for making the effort to help me out. I guess saying something fr the sake of the child’s future hair is coming out on top for me - it is really good hearing everyone’s opinions and I might not wake up in the night going over and over in my mind what I wish I could say to my daughter in law without hurting her feelings. I knew I wasn’t over-reacting now as so many of you share my concerns. Thankyu.

GermanSauerkraut Sun 27-Oct-19 08:00:08

PS: my little granddaughter is only 1 year old bless her and can’t talk properly yet let alone argue her own case for personal hair style preferences, that’s why I feel I have to say something , but I am dreading it! Thanks to all again .

aggie Sun 27-Oct-19 08:03:35

Mums tie hair back tightly when there are nits about , just saying 😉

aggie Sun 27-Oct-19 08:05:57

It won’t do her any harm having it tied like that , I definitely wouldn’t say anything , would you have taken it quietly if your Mother in Law had remarked on your child rearing ?

Hetty58 Sun 27-Oct-19 08:15:39

Anything (at all) you say to DIL tends to be taken as criticism, believe me! Is it worth it?

Chestnut Sun 27-Oct-19 09:55:28

I have already made some suggestions for talking about this in a friendly way with the child's comfort in mind.