Toddler hairstyle too tight?

Don’t bring it up. You ARE interfering. The child’s hair is none of your concern. None. She had made it clear she doesn’t want your advice or input. If you persist in doing so, you very likely won’t see the little girl any more to have the chance to criticize her mother at every turn.

I join the team of "don't bring it up"

Your son and dil already know how you feel about it and don't agree with you.
What do you want to achieve by talking to your son?

GS please just leave it be. The fact that you are nervous to bring it up, tells you that you know it will go over poorly. Why strain an already tenuous relationship over something so minor?

I really wouldn’t say anything it’s going to put a wedge between you Sometimes you just have to accept different approaches I doubt if it will do the child’s hair any harm otherwise every child who had a ponytail would grow up with bald heads

Hey GS! You must share share the articles you read about alopecia with your daughter in law. After reading this article may be she listen to your words.

Yes I agree with Chestnut ; that is the way forward - I’m still dreading bring it up though! Will try not to be confrontational as I really don’t wish to hurt her feelings. Just wish we could exchange views/ideas without feeling I’m interfering.

When my daughter was one year old her hair was longer on the top than the sides. I used to make a 'top knot' and tie a ribbon round it. She did look cute.

When our children grow up and become adults we have to allow them to make their won mistakes if any and certainly bring up their children in the way they think best.
I believe unless a child is in a serious situation we have to just go with the flow.
The best thing you can do is listen to your daughter and be a good support to her and a friend.
Please stop worrying about this.

It’s interesting hearing different peoples thoughts on this - thanks very much everyone.

Sussexborn I endured the night-time rags as well! However, it wasn't 24/7 and only if I was going out or having my photo taken the next day.

I hate this trend of hair scraping.
I have step relatives that do this. All the females, regardless of age, wear their hair in this style. The older ones, being in their late thirties, don’t appear to have suffered any ill effects. I have never seen any of them wear their hair loose.
Why grow the hair long to then hide it?

I don’t think, given you said she feels criticized by you, that you can say anything without causing hurt feelings.

She’s the mum, and this won’t hurt her. Try to let it go

My Mum had a mania for tying my hair up in rags and I spent many nights trying to loosen the scalp pulling ones. Agony! I had (still have) very thick hair and it would be totally unmanageable. I think she was hoping for Shirley Temple and ended up with Wurzel Gummage

I am afraid she is parenting her way.

Telling her your worries will always be seen as criticism. How is your relationship with her otherwise?

If (huge if) you need to bring up a huge concern (life or death type), talk to your son. He is the father of the child.

Keep stum. Keep friends.

I have already made some suggestions for talking about this in a friendly way with the child's comfort in mind.

Anything (at all) you say to DIL tends to be taken as criticism, believe me! Is it worth it?

It won’t do her any harm having it tied like that , I definitely wouldn’t say anything , would you have taken it quietly if your Mother in Law had remarked on your child rearing ?

Mums tie hair back tightly when there are nits about , just saying ?

PS: my little granddaughter is only 1 year old bless her and can’t talk properly yet let alone argue her own case for personal hair style preferences, that’s why I feel I have to say something , but I am dreading it! Thanks to all again .

Interesting to read all the replies - thank you all so much for making the effort to help me out. I guess saying something fr the sake of the child’s future hair is coming out on top for me - it is really good hearing everyone’s opinions and I might not wake up in the night going over and over in my mind what I wish I could say to my daughter in law without hurting her feelings. I knew I wasn’t over-reacting now as so many of you share my concerns. Thankyu.

" And would you expect a one year old to be able to tell you how she wanted to wear her hair?"

By the time she is 2 she will have definite ideas:-) My granddaughter wanted it long, and never had it cut. By the tine she was 14 it was longer than her back, and my daughter had plaited it every morning for school.
A couple of months ago, granddaughter decided to have it cut, for a charity that used the hair for wigs for children with cancer. And she did. Raised quite a bit of money, the hairdressers did it for free under the circumstances, and she looks lovely with the modern cut she has now.

I’d keep ‘advice’ to myself till it was asked for!

( And would you expect a one year old to be able to tell you how she wanted to wear her hair?)

My hair was tied back in plaits all the time when I was little - my lovely dad liked it that way. I remember his sister and mother trying to tell him that it was not good to have it scraped back like that all the time but he took no notice and my mother was probably glad that it was being kept tidy.

As a consequence of this, my hair follicles were all pulled to lie flat and I now have a very strong crown where the hair parts at the back which no amount of styling can hide.

However, it's parents' choice. What, if anything, the OP says, will depend on their relationship with the girl's parents.

My dad was a hairdresser and he wouldn't let me have long hair until I was older. He said I would one day thank him for my thick, strong hair. .....and I do!