Which son for Christmas?

I agree with previous posts to me, make a change this time & while you can. I became disabled/mobility & other conditions about a decade ago, in my late 40’s & flying/travelling out of UK, is so hard. I’ve only been on European, short flights, but even still.

As has been mentioned by yourself & others, very differing views on Christmas, family etc. Life seems to have become more complicated, but not in a good way. I used to be one of those people (having no family here-come from Ireland) who wondered about the fuss people made about Christmas arrangements. Just on sheer impracticality, the idea that young adults (when I was one) with their own family of small kids, should be expected to go to, possibly 2 sets of parents/in-laws, was crazy. With my situation didn’t have parents here, my Mother-in-law expected everyone to go to her, & not just at Christmas. But what was even more peculiar, with Christmas Day dinner, you need an invite really & myself, ex -partner & young child weren’t “invited”, but expected to go for evening tea/leftovers & or Boxing Day. There were 2 other adult sons & the middle one, who had a childhood sweetheart from when they were 15, who was “local” (important in a small town) & fitted in well & lived there for many years. They were automatically there for Christmas Day lunch, though I suspected that the fact that I had a small child by someone other than her son, didn't help. It did bother me, always been sensitive to these things & one year, middle son’s best friend was invited, but not us? Nowt so strange as folk/families.

A propos the title of this thread. I would rather have a turkey.

I wouldn't hesitate about this. I'd sit down with son no 1 and his wife and tell them that you've had 16 wonderful Christmases with them and anticipate more in the future, but this year, you've had a wonderful offer to visit your sister. Explain that as you're starting to struggle with your health, you'd like to go in case you won't get another opportunity. Suggest that you'll face time the grandchildren on Christmas morning and suggest that perhaps you could have a lovely get together when you return. Neither of my children mind where we spend Christmas day, but at some point in the holiday, we all get together here for a lovely day of eating and playing games. I'm sure that son no 1 will be very understanding and I'm sure he wouldn't be wanting to see you struggling with this dilemma.

Haha, MOnica

I agree!

Believe it or not, I spent Christmas Eve with my family in Oz, then got a flight home from there in the afternoon of Christmas Eve there , and landed in Manchester on Christmas Eve here in the UK to spend the rest of Christmas here. So I had the enjoyment of both families during celebrations.

I was worn out and jet-lagged, hahahaha. Couldn't do that now.

Christmas is only a date, go to your sister’s have another celebration with your son and his family on another day.

I agree with everyone else, definitely go with younger son, you’ll have a fab time and younger son deserves to spend some quality time with you too. Your elder son and family will be there when you get back so you could have a delayed Christmas celebration with them if you wanted to but I’m sure they will completely understand your decision. Have a wonderful Christmas whatever you decide, how amazing to have the choice of two venues

Years ago when our children were small, my in-laws used to Christmas with us....well 18 out of 23 years they did. On the odd occasion they went to one of their other four children, my kids understood and grandparents would come for a week a bit later on, for New Year. So it was like having two Christmases. My children understood that sometimes granny and grandpa wanted to be with their daughter, eldest or youngest son for a change. Honestly, you are suffering more than anyone else in this situation, go with son number 2 this year and visit the others at New Year. They won’t love you any less and your younger son is entitled to the odd Christmas with his mum too.

Def. Sister and other son who always misses out

Couldn’t you say to your sister that you would miss your grandchildren too much but would be delighted to visit with younger son in the new year or whenever he is able to take time off work to go . Sounds like a win win to me x

I would go with your younger son as you say it might be your last chance I'm sure your older son will understand and they say a change is as good as a rest

I do think you should go and maybe arrange another time with your other son and his family. You might regret it if you don’t go.

It would be good if your older son could make it easier for you by encouraging you to spend this Christmas with your Sister as he been so lucky to have spent the last 16 years with you on Christmas Day.
What ever you decide, hope you and you family have a great fun Christmas ?

There’s always FaceTime or Skype to allow you to enjoy some of your grandchildren’s joy.

We also have two sons and Christmas Day is a moveable feast; the date is almost irrelevant! It's just one day and something that happens whenever we can all manage to get together. It may be sometime in the lead up to Christmas or perhaps the week afterward; one year it was in April! My husband was a submariner, likewise our younger son and the elder son is a police officer, so it has always been tricky trying to co-ordinate diaries. It is a balancing act trying to suit everyone. I hope you get some clarity reading all of these.

I think you should go to your sisters with your single son. The journey can be a lovely bonding time and you can visit your sister when as you say you might not get the chance again.
Perhaps you can have another late or early Christmas with your other son and your grandchildren. Save the presents etc for that other special extra Christmas.
But only you can answer the question really. Just go with your instinct. Make the decision either way and then you will feel better.

You said yourself. It will be the last time you will be able to travel. You should go. It is one year.

Go with your single son. You may be in a worse position physically in the years to come and will be able to stay at home then.

I am sure your married son will understand. Possibly your single son needs you more and your sister will love to see you.

Why stress so much?
Christmas is supposed to be a fun time.

I agree, follow your heart and go with your younger son, he can help with your luggage and support you, you will have a great time. You will have to have the conversation with your older son and his family, but if you explain it to him as you have to us, he would be selfish not to be happy for you on this one occasion. Plan to have a second Christmas with his family when you get back!

As you know, you are very lucky to be offered the choice, I have just found out that one son and family will be travelling to visit another son and family and we are not to be invited to join them. We have spent every Christmas since he was born with one son, and nearly every Christmas with the other, yes, really lucky, but now it really really hurts that we have been excluded!

I rejoice for you that you have this choice, and my heart aches for all those who will be spending Christmas Day apart from the family members they love.

No brainier - your younger son has missed out possibly more than you know. Your older son should be urging you to go. Your grandchildren will have plenty of things to occupy themselves with & there's always another time. But maybe not for you & your younger son together. Who knows what the future might hold.

What a blessing it has been to see this thread. Everyone has been helpful and supportive, and even those with differing views have been allowed to express them without being hauled over the coals for it. I generally will have a knee jerk type reaction to a post, and that forms my opinion. However, I always enjoy reading the opposing view, and I often can see that as well. Thank you everyone for renewing my confidence in gransnet. There are some threads running at the moment, that have just become plain nasty, and that’s not why I joined.

My maternal grandma and grandad always went to my aunty's when she had children. She was younger than my Mum and waited to have children and we were the only grandchildren for a long time, but Mum was only invited once to her Mum's for Christmas when my older brother was little and before I was born. When her sister had children, then they always went there. I have, therefore, no memories of my grandma at Christmas, only one year when I remember her giving us some presents at our house. Hence, please go and see your sister and nephew, niece and children and younger son. When he has children, I'm sure you'll want to go and see them. Your older son and children will have to get used to it! Sure they won't mind. And, as others have said, you can always go and see him at New Year.

Awwww I agree that u should go ...you can face time your other son and his Family on the day and celebrate another christmas when u return..your Grandchildren will love that ♡

It’s an easy decision to make. You travel with your single son to spend time with your sister. Do it, while you can and have the opportunity and with his assistance. You should share your time and your single son needs you this time.