Which son for Christmas?

Sorry but Christmas is for children. I personally would say older son and grandchildren for Christmas.
I wish I had had more Christmas days with my grandparents. The grandchildren grow up so quickly.
Could your sister and niece and younger son not come to your house?
But decision is yours. I picked up reading between the lines you want to go to your sisters.
Whichever choice have a fantastic Christmas with lots of memories. Xx

Go and see your sister with your son, because like me you are becoming increasing disabled and travel may soon be out of the question. I'm sure your son will be happy to give you a hand.
I fly to the Med twice a year. Here are a few tips.
Buy a four wheeled suitcase which swivels, so much easier than 2 wheels.
Plan very carefully what clothes you are going to take. I'm sure your sister has a washing machine if you need to wash anything!
Travel size shampoos etc. are in most supermarkets.
I have a crossbody Kipling handbag, really lightweight, so I'm hands free going through the airport. Inside my jacket I have a tiny crossbody handbag that just holds a tiny purse, your passport and some tissues. Mine is a Kipling Alvar. (Have a look on ebay and you'll see what it's like). I have 2 knee replacements and prefer extra leg room seats, well worth the money BUT you can't put your handbag under the seat in front of you, it has to go in the locker. My Alvar bag can stay hidden on me. Enjoy your trip.

How old are your older son's children? Unless they are very small, they will understand that you are sharing this Christmas with their uncle (who for some reason has missed all your lovely get-togethers) and with your sister and her family (who you have not seen for ages), but that you will be with them on another day soon after Christmas.

Ask them to take lots of photos for you to see, and promise to take lots yourself, so that you can show them their extended family. This is a great opportunity to link everyone up with them each other, not just for your own sake but for your grandchildren too, who are probably unfamiliar with them This gives them a chance to see how the wider family can integrate with the nuclear one, and deepen the ties with them.

Turn it into a positive thing, not something for them (and you) to be upset about.

To me it seems clear that it is time you spent Christmas with your younger son at your sister’s. There will be children there so it should be no less of a magical Christmas. Older son and family were invited and can’t make it but they are a complete family unit and perhaps should experience a Christmas by themselves. I never get to see my son for
Christmas Day as my Daughter in law’s mum is on her own at Christmas and they wouldn’t have room for all of us so this year we are celebrating with them at ours on 23rd. We have ‘Christmas’ celebrations whenever we can, even in October once before my daughter and family went back to Oz?

Yes as others have said,youve had 16 yrs of christmases with other son,and how do you not know,they may welcome the 'break' from having to host christmas for you,just for once? I personally have either to 'spread myself thin' at christmas,or spend it at home with 2 youngest sons(21&16) as they dont always want to travel to be with their older siblings(all 72 miles away) as then were staying in hotels and they dont get their gifts till after christmas.(We always visit before christmas to exchange gifts when we stay home for christmas day) yes go be with other son,and other family members,spend new year with married son& his family instead,if thats an option?im sure they wont mind.Dont listen to Readymeals-or oopsminty- i find personally that they realise you want to 'take turns' with other family too-and yes you could even have an 'early' christmas' with other son to take gifts for grandchildren. (Maybe other son(unmarried one) could join you all?) Does he he usually go to their house for christmas dinner with you?- or have they fallen out or something& thats why its such a big issue? You maybe dont want to 'take sides'?

It is great you have two places to spend Christmas this year!

I would do what I would really want to do.
The fact that your son has no wife /girlfriend and travels alone is not a factor whatsoever. That is part of being single.
He also would like you to go, which is nice.

I would consider other practical arrangements to decide:
1. Can you afford the plane ticket?
2. Are you willing to fly those days? Airports get ready crowded
3. Accommodations: will they satisfy your limitations and if you pay for them, can you afford them?

I think you have your heart set in going, why not going then?

Spend it with the usual family and your grandchildren.

Yes and you can maybe skype or video call your grandchildren on christmas day too? Im sure that none of them would begrudge you going especially as you want to see your sister too! If,like me,youre bad with knee problem,( im awaiting dble knee ops too,like Dillyduck so i try to travel while i can) then you need to go now while its still an option.and why shouldn't you spend time with your sister and your other son? You need to make memories with/for them too,not just your grandchildren,yes they are only little a short while,but i doubt one christmas will 'devastate' them,maybe they can have a christmas with theyre other grandparents if they are still here?

Or could it be an option for you to help pay for flights and dog boarding for older sons family so they can come too? Or maybe all of you ( even your sister& other son) could 'club together' to pay for this,to make it possible for you all to get together this year? Its very generous& kind of your sister to invite all of you,please try find a way to enable you all to go- surely theres cheaper flights available if its only a short distance away?

Reading between the lines, I may be wrong but I think in her heart of hearts, the OP really wants to spend Christmas as she always has done, with older son, DIL and grandchildren. The thought of being with her sister’s family, even though DS2 will be there, is not so appealing.
However, I will stick my neck out and say I agree with most of the other replies. I think it would be good for everyone to have a change. You will probably never have the opportunity to go with someone to see your sister at Christmas again, and with luck you will have other Christmas days with DS1 and family. Also your other son must often feel out of it with no wife and children, make him feel special this time.

With dilemmas like this, I toss a coin. When a particular face is revealed, I instantly know whether I feel thankful or wish it had been the other. So problem is then resolved! You could even tell them you were so turn you let the coin decide (even if in fact it was your gut instinct that finally decided - little white lie and all that.).

Go to your sister with your younger son...how lovely to spend Christmas with him for a change Your elder son will understand.

GO. you have spent the last 16 with the one son, now its the turn of the other. Besides what would you do if he was married and had children? You will also get to see your sister which is a bonus.

go see your sister and have an early or a late Christmas with your other son and children, and/or take the little ones and parents out for a special day somewhere, maybe the panto,or a local historic house which has Christmas activities, or if it's beforehand, do a mini Christmas dinner and have the grandchildren over, while the parents have a morning wrapping pressies or other preparations on their own. Then the can come for a meal with you and the children, and you'll have a few leftovers to keep you in sandwiches while you are packing to go away. It sounds like your sisterwould really like you to come, maybe she has had some news and would like to tell you in person, and if you are getting less able to travel and you havea a willing helper it is a good time to go

Where has DiL's family been for the last 16 years? How have they spent time with their daughter, SiL and their grandchildren for the last 16 years?

I prefer a turkey myself.

Sixteen years with eldest son! ...he won’t begrudge this year with his brother and your sister ...he just can’t be that selfish. Go and enjoy yourself ...it might be your last chance to travel. Believe your eldest will fully appreciate you want to do this...as will your grandkids . Go!

Firstly stop apologising this is your situation and you can't be responsible for others.
I think instead of worrying about pleasing others. Think about what you would like to Do?
Would you be up to the flight?
Do u fancy a change this year?
Would it not be nice to go with your single son a nice mum and son trip?
Or do you want to do the same thing you have done every year?
One thing is for sure your sons will be ok whatever way you choose. Because the single one would be fine flying on his own and also being single maybe his choice. So again stop feeling sorry for him and you could also have a nice meal before or after.
Your son with family if you don't go to them have another special day with them.
Good luck and stop feeling sorry for others. As long as we all are healthy to a degree that's all that matters.

If it isn’t possible to club together so your older son and family can travel too why not invite everyone to your place?

I have two sons, The oldest is married with a wife and baby. The youngest is on his own and no girlfriend. I would like us to be together but the oldest has decided to stay at home The youngest will come to me. However we are all going to my oldest one day near Christmas for tea and cake, It’s different and sounds a bit sparse but I’m not complaining because it’s not like I’m not going to see everybody.
I think you should go with your younger son . He should have your time, he has missed out . See your older one another day and maybe invite him to you for a slap up tea which would be a treat for his wife, Don’t burden her with another big meal.
If you can afford it go out somewhere that caters for children.

I feel very sorry for your younger son that he clearly isn’t valued because he doesn’t have a long term partner and children. I’d have thought you would alternate spending Christmas with each son, not 16 yrs with the one providing grandchildren. How awful.
Presumably, your grandchildren are teenagers now?

I haven’t spent a single Christmas with DGS (6yrs). They live in a tiny 2 bed flat so we’d have to stay in a hotel if we visited.
They know they’re welcome to visit us but they don’t get much time off work and flights aren’t cheap so we just Skype on the day.

We can see each other at another time that’s more convenient. Suits me fine.

Jillybird... I would first like to say that you shouldn't feel worried to post this on here. I posted something really awkward & got so much help. Your problem is our problem.

I think that the reason you are worrying so much is lack of communication. Explain to your son with the family exactly how you feel. Ask them if you can have a second Christmas day with them as soon as you return.
I'm sure you will get their blessing to go with your other son on this occasion.

I think that even though you may miss your other family in the long run you will see that you did the right thing.
Let us know how it goes & much love

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

You don't say how old the children are...
I've got a big family and when anyone is missing they provide a game to be played round the table. e.g. when my daughter was missing the first time, she gave us each a secret word to get into the conversation during dinner. DH had 'Top of the Pops', my non linguist son had a French phrase.... We all had fun , it was truly memorable, and we didn't miss her because it felt as if she was still with us. Is there some sort of game/activity you could give to DS1 and family?

You have to go with what your heart is telling you and not what others expect of you .