rude or not

I gave up buying gifts for children and grandchildren years ago. I now give the mothers thevmoney to buy gifts for all the family. They never complain but I rarely get any thanks. You just can’t win.

Well this may be after years of subtler hints. We've been on the receiving end of a relative who year after year gave clothes we couldn't use (wrong size, uncomfortable, ugly, dry clean only) and it was only when after a divorce we stopped getting anything at all that we had a break from the trek to the charity shop to get rid of them. I am obviously biased in this thread but after getting over your initial anger, perhaps you could ask what she'd prefer in future, and then enjoy real gratitude from now on.

For the future: ask a 15 year old what she would like - tell her mother that you would appreciate a personal call rather than a public facebook message (or did she use private messenger?).

It wasn't the best way to tell you, but I said to my grandchildren. If you don't like them, I'll give you the receipt you can change them. But I agree years ago we used to smiler say thank you, and give them to someone else for a birthday/ Christmas present. I've just exchanged a present that really didn't suit me,shop gave me a gift card for the same value. Can now choose something I like at later date.

How on earth could your daughter think that by saying that your present wasn't liked would make you be happy ?
I'd guess that most of us at whatever age have been given presents that weren't to your taste, but have been brought up to think of other people's feelings and give a non comittal answer if asked or just plain lie!
Gift cards are the way to go in the future or if possible a shopping trip or even ask your GD for a list that you will choose an item or two from.

I bought pyjamas for all my dil's and they loved them. Okay, they're not fifteen, but how fussy do you need to be about pyjamas. That was very hurtful.

I bought my 11 yo DGD an outfit in the summer only to be told by DD that it wasn't her style so it had gone to the clothes bank! Trouble is their style ideas change so quickly when they're teens. For her bday 11 yo wanted sports wear so I took her for lunch in town then shopping so she could choose her own clothes. I always ask DD's for ideas regarding bday/xmas presents (though for the 2 little ones I usually get it right)
Going back to original post, I should imagine op's DGD was disappointed at getting something she didn't like from someone who she thought knew her & I would imagine DD told op so she could (hopefully) change it so's not to waste her money. I know personally I would much rather know so I could put the situation right. This is why I always leave tags on clothes I gift!

I agree Phloembundle 12 is a cutoff point for us too. My DM gave my DD a pair of tartan dungarees from Next , years ago but they were very bright and in no way fashionable. There was a receipt so after Christmas I took her and the dreaded dungarees to the Sales, thinking we would find a suitable replacement.
Well we spent 2 hours in that shop trying on every garment and eventually bought some nondescript jeans or something equally forgettable.
At least DM's gift has never been forgotten . She gave the same exactly to my niece who wore them and looked rather nice.
I think it was probably the last time my poor mum ever gave ungrateful DD a present.

IMO it was very rude of your daughter, and you should have told her so, perhaps suggesting that while you appreciate her letting you know, she might have done this more tactfully. At the same time, my own elderly mother still buys presents like this for me (I am 63!). They NEVER fit me (she thinks I am still a size 14 - I wish!), and I NEVER like them - our tastes are very different. I hate the fact that she is wasting her money like that. I just thank her and pass them to a charity shop, hoping I've done the right thing and that she at least feels happy about her gifts.

In future just by the grand daughter vouchers then she can buy what she wants . I also find this very rude and had this from my mother in law . This year bought my sister in law a size large leggings and she tried to say she was a size small . The look on my face must of said it all , she replied they do stretch . I just told her you can exchange them , if she thought I was running back to the shop she had another thing coming .

Children these days are generally by nature ungrateful, that's why I check with the parents first before I buy.

I really dislike getting any clothing as gifts - it just never is quite right. BUT it is totally wrong not to thank giver for any gift no matter what ones private thoughts!!! Closer to the time next year ask for any guidance on what she would like - if no ideas forthcoming, then just a card and a bit of cash. (Or you could be a bit busy and forgetful... )

Sara nightwear can be wrong. As a self conscious young teen I can remember two people giving me the completely see through nightdresses that were around at the time.
Looked very glam with a vest and my navy blue school pants underneath!!

I wouldn't buy clothes for any relative over the age of twelve unless I lived with them and knew their taste. She can take them back and get a voucher. However, there is absolutely no excuse for such appalling rudeness, which I believe shows utter contempt. I would not send a single thing next year.

How rude of your daughter. If the girl doesn’t like what she’s given, charity shops are always pleased to receive unwanted gifts.

As for next year, perhaps you could say you didn’t know what to buy, so got nothing.

YENNIFER - what a great idea! Personal time together with the opportunity to learn a bit more about teenage dgd's life/likes/dislikes .

I can remember wanting a particular style of underslip when I was about 14yrs old - but being bought a very plain one by my mum and a 'flannelette one' by my grandmother .................... oh the embarrassment of the PE Changing Rooms! I saved my pocket money to buy the exact one that I wanted .

How very rude and cruel. Don’t bother next time x

About 10 years ago I gave my daughter in law a very nice jewellery box for Christmas. When she took off the wrapping paper she said "Sorry, but I don't like it," and gave it back!!! Since then I usually give her a voucher.

I don't often buy clothing for my 15 and 13 GDs, but if I do I always give their Mum (DIL) the receipts so that they can exchange them without having to ask/offend me. Teens are very difficult to please.

I would never buy anything for my 14 year old granddaughter without my DD or GD guiding me. I’m pretty good in knowing the fashion for teenagers but still wouldn’t get without prior approval. However if I did I know they wouldn’t be rude about it, they would either ask for receipt to change it or in the case of PJs just wear them. Ask for list next year with pointers where to purchase said stuff safest way.

Just sounds like your daughter is spiteful and whatever you bought for them she would have something negative to say. For whatever reason I gather this is a reflection on your relationship rather than what you bought them.
I mean there must be a reason you sent present rather than gave it to her in person?
Sounds like to get a positive reply the relationship needs to be worked on from both sides.

I have a 14 year old GD and was told not to even think about purchasing clothes, teenagers have their own ideas on fashion, even nightwear.
I am sure your DD was probably telling you so that you don't spend time and money on unwanted items
Do what most of us do, give gift cards or cash.

I think all presents should be accepted gratefully. What you do with them if you don’t like them is up to you, but don’t tell the giver you don’t like them, and certainly don’t return them to the giver. White lies are necessary sometimes to avoid hurt feelings.

I don’t give clothes to anyone over the age of five. It is impossible to choose clothes for other people.

The only times I have bought clothing items for GC have been when DiL has given me a web link for things she knows they want. Last year, DGD was delighted to receive a pack of odd socks! Don't ask. If I decided to choose something for any teenager (or younger for that matter) I would, as Janeainsworth did, include a gift receipt.
One year, my MiL asked DS2 (4) in July, what he wanted for Christmas. He asked for a metal detector. Needless to say, he didn't get one. And, 43 years later, he still hasn't. He could have been a detectorist!

We only buy for our grandchildren, no adults. I always ask parents what they’d like for the kids. We treat the adults, our children, when the circumstances arise. We don’t receive presents either, so much easier. Perhaps just something GC have made. It’s lovely, and never any awkwardness.