Am I wrong?

Its all digitalised nowadays,txted or emails or phone calls are all accepted as thank yous,very few kids actually write thank you notes,its becoming less popular apparently! But,so long as you do get SOME kind of thank you its good enough.

It sounds like you’ve been taken advantage of and you shouldn’t blame yourself-it could happen to anyone. I’m not sure your niece would know that you’ve been so generous. Next time you’re in touch with her, you could convey that to her in conversation. Otherwise, I would try to put it behind you. Christmas does seem to bring out the selfishness in others as well as generosity. Chalk it up to experience, and as you say, limit what you spend in future (and I think £50 is actually quite a lot anyway). I know its hard letting these things go. I’m having trouble myself at the moment but we must focus on the good and try to not wallow in the bad. It sounds like you have some lovely grandchildren by the way!

The best thing to do is to only ever give what you are comfortable with. Do not give expecting anything in return!

I feel your pain and I really do understand your angst and bewilderment about the lack of a thank you for the huge sum of money you gave to your niece. I’m afraid that this kind of behaviour is becoming commonplace amongst some of today’s younger generation.

I used to take my gc little gifts when I went to see my son, dil and my gc, my gd is only a baby but my gs is nearly 4 years old. The lack of a thank you for these little gifts really bothered me, especially as I taught all five of my children to say please and thank you at the appropriate time. Last time I gave him a gift I said to him “what do you say?” I was absolutely appalled when he said “I don’t have to say thank you”. To make matters much worse, my son was sat next to me and he didn’t even raise an eyebrow at my gs disgusting lack of manners! Needless to say, the little gifts have stopped and I sincerely hope that he will be taught some manners when he starts school in September, as my son and dil are clearly not up to the job!

Even though this kind of behaviour is becoming more commonplace, it does not make it right! For all those who think I should have tackled my son about it straight away, you are correct and I regret not doing so but I hate the thought of falling out with my children. Op, I truly hope you can put this to the back of your mind, you have obviously learnt a hard lesson and I wish you warmest wishes for 2020 and the sure knowledge that you are not alone. xx

Hmmm sounds very inconsiderare, but you seem too attached to this, the money and the family that seems disinterested. They seem callous and rude. Perhaps sending so much was a bit of a stretch for people undeserving. They probably think you can afford it and don't bother thinking it was a big deal for you? They should have called you to thank you. And they should have invited you after your texts (even for a post Christmas celebration)...but maybe you are overstepping this relationship, thinking you are closer or should be closer to them than you are. Maybe they think your daughter should invite you, not a brother...
Don't bother hounding them for a thank you. It only makes you look clingy and desperate.

I'd feel hurt too. Now just don't bother giving her a present or give very little. No contact = no gifts. If people live the entire year without seeing or contacting you, Christmas is just an excuse to collect.

Next year, plan something for yourself well in advance. I'd volunteer in a soup kitchen for the homeless..surround yourself with people less fortunate and you'll be in a lovely, lively, social atmosphere with appreciative people! Ipads are a luxury. Not a necessity.

learn from this experience and try keeping in touch with your brother rather sil.

Yes, I agree with the poster that said OP might have been pushing for an invite from SIL with the amount of money she sent. It sounds like the OP likes to guilt-trip people... people fo not like gifts with strings or expectations. They SHOULD have thanked you...but you also need to give people some grace and adequate time to respond before jumping on them or jumping to conclusions quite so soon...

Yes,i would not have said specifically to them that youd be sad & lonely at xmas,but,maybe its something you can discuss privately when your own AC do visit you later in year,? Could they not visit you more often perhaps? Or is there any chance of moving nearer to them? Or at least ask them if you can go to them nxt xmas.i would.theyre your own flesh& blood and xmas should be with them first& foremost.but theyre not psychic so tell them how you feel.you miss them.you want to see more of them.

I feel for you on this families can be tricky. Most of our grandchildren are adults now, each family receives a small home made up hamper of their favorite nibbles. The remaining two under 18s were given 20 pounds and a choice of any animal charity to adopt an animal from, over the years this has worked well as they have all year updates and can visit their animal if in the area. This year the girls 14 and 16 sent a cow to Africa. They will be able to track their cow to its final home. Children can be so full of the entitled attitude these days I find it sad.

NannyKisses.
At 10 years old the child is old enough to thank you herself for your generous gift.Failing to do this can only relate to her upbringing and the ones to blame are her parents.We live and learn and the next time present giving time comes along give what you would normally give or can afford.
You have your daughter and granddaughters they are the ones who want you for who you are and can give.Unlike B and his wife who appear to only want you for what you give.

Nannykisses I would be very angry indeed, one because they came to you for the money and then no thanks, but, I would have been furious to learn that the child didn't need to dip into her savings, what is it with them all now, they are all so entitled. I visited my DS and DIL for an hour on Christmas Day and the living room resembled Hamley's, they have just moved and the eldest GD needed a new bed, the texted conversation with DIL was along the lines didn't want to get one from my argos account on a plan because she only wanted to spend £100 so after some toing and froing I transferred her the £100 stipulated that was Christmas from me, she text that she had found one for £130 but she received radio silence from this end, I said 100 and that's what I gave her. Now I have just had similar conversation over GD no 2, it's her birthday this month, so her happy birthday from Nanny is her bed. I'm a widow and am now disabled, I don't have money to burn and I most certainly wouldn't be sending nephew and nieces large amounts. I'd say take heed from this, next time the begging bowl goes round suggest they use their saving, your Bank of Aunt is closed. Happy New Year xx

In your place I would casually mention to the adults in the family sometime before next Christmas that I am no longer in a position to give expensive Christmas gifts.

You don't need to be speaking the truth here, but the way prices are rising and our pensions are not, it may well be that you have better things to spend your money on than relatives who don't seem to care whether they hurt you or not.

From what you say of the child's parents manners seem to be in short supply, so it is hardly the girl's fault that she hasn't thanked you. She has apparently never been taught to do so.

I would only send token gifts from now on. If you are fond of the girl you could consider leaving her something in your will, or putting the money you might have used for presents into a saving account to be paid to her when she comes into her majority.

How rude, and unappreciative - I would feel hurt and cross too. You have been more than kind, and if they are too selfish and entitled to realise it, this says a lot more about them than it does about you, as you have been generous in the extrteme. Write it down to experience and at any further occasion you will know that £20 is ample as they have savings and if they want bigger and more expensive presents they will have to pay for them.

Appalling behaviour.
The family clubbed together to buy a Tablet for my GD ( not an IPad as they are notoriously overpriced). Worked out at £25 a head.
On Xmas Day she spoke to all of us and in the evening sent us an ecard saying " from my new Tablet, thank you everyone.
I BLAME THE PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!

Downright graceless is what I have to say. Really do manners exist any more?? Quite honestly I would not indulge this family again - £50 itself is a large amount let alone £100! Rather this money be sent to children who really have nothing than to an ungrateful brat who cannot manage a thank you for what was an exceptional gift! As for your Sil - she should be ashamed of herself for being manipulative and avaricious!

I would save up all year and go and spend Christmas in a hotel which is what we did. The people were all very friendly, the staff welcoming and everybody felt included as much as they wanted to be. It was an older age group and there were a lot of widows too. Everything was done for us and it was comfortable and relaxing. A great way to spend Christmas

How upsetting for you NannyKisses. Instead of being very grateful for the gift of money, they have actually made you feel bad. It's down to the parents to bring their children up polite and respectful and they should have made sure that you at least received a thank you card or letter. Try and think about your kindness here and not their ignorance.

The thing is whether you give your niece £50 Or £100 the relationship you have between your sil won't change. So maybe she wasn't the person to reach out to to say you feel lonely, surely that is your daughter? Surely that needs to change if you don't see anything of her over the two days.
I think your sil silences maybe was because she felt uncomfortable she might not have been hinting for you to increase your money and maybe they enjoy xmas has they always do and didn't want to invite anyone else.
You need to raise this with your daughter and think about joining a club to meet others.

NannyKisses,I do feel for you,how rude the child didnt say thank you,send a card or text, unexcusable,as J52 suggested, a discrete note to the child, she may not know you send her so much money.
Sending you hugs and lots of flowers

Frankly I think it’s rude, manipulative and selfish. You have every right to feel as you do. Just remember for the future and don’t be so generous again.

For other posters with very selfish AC that have large amounts of money from parents but don’t visit or ring at Christmas, STOP being so soft.

I think that far more people spend Christmas alone than if generally acknowledged. Obviously some like it and some don't but if it is likely to happen again next, year I think it is a good idea to think about it a little ahead of time and decide what you want to do instead of being with people.
If you google 'what to do alone at Christmas' there are masses of posts listing things including one from Gransnet which gives a list of Community Events in different areas happening on Christmas Day.
Go online (on a friendly chatty site, not a day for politics or anything downbeat), watch what you want to watch on TV or listen to on the radio, eat what you like etc. Buy expensive bath stuff. Whatever you enjoy.
If you get caught up in the 'no one has invited me' mind frame, that will just spoil the day.
I know that it is easier said than done but you do need a bit of a rethink. Is there anything that you enjoy doing that you could make more of? If you knit or crochet, there are hundreds of charities that need such items and some of them are quite social?
I think many of us don't have the family that we would have designed for ourselves but they are not going to become something else so you need to focus your energies (and probably more of your available money) away from them.
There is no point contacting them again about the gift in any way. They will just think that you are going on about it unfair though that may be. Your SIL was grasping. People's idea of being hard up can be very strange. I have helped out people who pleaded hardship and I then realised were much better off than I was and it is very frustrating as there is nothing you can do.
If they become less important to you, then you can decide more easily how you want to treat them.

Witchypoo I feel so sorry for you and I’m appalled by your son’s brutal honesty. His generation aren’t ALL selfish at all. It’s just an excuse. Please take care of yourself and try to find others worthy of your company. Sending hugs x

Witchypoo
I am so terribly sorry to hear of your great sadness. I actually am shedding tears for you. It is true, the generation we raised have a different outlook from us no matter how well we raised them and how good they are. I really do think that only our own age group truly understand us. For what it is worth, I have made the journey, a difficult journey as I am disabled, under my own steam, to go to whichever of my daughters is holding Christmas for us all each year since my husband died. This year we met for New Year so I was alone at Christmas. I know it is a cold comfort to hear me say it, but I actually enjoyed being at home on my own this year more than those times making that painful journey, and feeling somehow out of it all the time while the next generation laughed and played games I didn't really understand about modern films and the grandchildren shouted all the time.... I really do prefer to be at peace with my dogs in my own home. To cap it all on the journey on the megabus this New Year I somehow, somewhere, lost my hearing aids. It has eclipsed everything. They were quite new and I hadn't put them on the insurance yet as I had planned to do.

Sorry - I am being selfish, Witchypoo, I sincerely do care about you, I am indeed extremely sorry to hear about your lonely Christmases. If only I could somehow pop round and just have a coffee and we we could be company for each other. Meanwhile, you are not alone, I am thinking of you. I can honestly say, too, that being with one's younger gen., kind though they are, can feel lonely too. But I know that is no comfort for you, bless you. Please do not give up making the effort to go out and meet people, whether at Church or a club. God bless you and may 2020 bring you much comfort and friendship. ?

I'm sorry you were alone at Christmas and find it awful that your family would not invite you. I also think that your brother and sil should have not asked you for money especially such a large amount. I would have been taken aback by such a request and to then not even get acknowledgement is just so rude. Do you really need these people in your life?

NannyKisses, I am sorry you were manipulated like this. I think that it can happen to anyone especially a kind-hearted person as you so obviously are. I would set your boundaries from now. Anyone approaching you for twice your set value of gift for a family member should be told firmly and politely that you have given/will give your set amount because this is fair to all. As for this particular incident, I would try and put it in the past, merely making a mental note not to be emotionally blackmailed by this person or any other again. Sadly people like her are all too numerous and we will all meet them from time to time. As for the children saying thank you - I have found that they do need reminding in most cases, even the pleasantest of children. However, I do expect their parents to make sure they have thanked the gift-giver appropriately. How else shall the children learn?