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(116 Posts)
meet Thu 09-Jan-20 19:57:44

I don't come from a family where hugging was a natural but now i have a DIL whose family have always done this, I always forget to hud her when she visits or leaves. any advice,

Bridgeit Thu 09-Jan-20 20:03:08

Text her to say ‘ sorry I forgot to give you a hug, so here’s a virtual one ‘

Jodieb Thu 09-Jan-20 20:07:40

Just tell her that your family aren't huggers but you're up for learning and that she's free to hug you until it becomes natural for you. Seems everyone hugs now which makes it a little meaningless. Like a few years ago everyone seemed to say "I love you!"

jura2 Thu 09-Jan-20 20:09:25

just make sure you don't forget next time ...

shysal Thu 09-Jan-20 20:11:35

I am the same, grew up in a family who didn't hug. I cuddled my children of course, but eventually they grew out of it. It doesn't mean we don't love each other, we are just a little reserved. I find it very awkward when virtual strangers expect to hug these days. I go along with it but never initiate it. I cringe when I see it on TV.

Namsnanny Thu 09-Jan-20 20:19:25

It seems as if a hug is the new handshake.

Fine but I'm a bit uncomfortable with it being the preferred greeting now.

I suppose I'd like it to be enjoyed as a customary greeting for those who are closer to me.

So it doesn't become meaningless, or disingenuous.

Doesn't she approach you to give you a hug then? Its a two way thing, so if you forget she could make the first move I suppose, which would remind you to join in!

Put it to her that you're happy to hug, but might forget sometimes so maybe she could 'remind' you by just going for it!

Moocow Thu 09-Jan-20 20:21:01

My advice, start trying to remember and before you know it you'll become a hugger and might even like it! grin Yes I speak from experience! If you forget at the start just say and do it then if you forget when saying goodbye it won't be like you were avoiding the hug moment.

gmarie Thu 09-Jan-20 20:23:24

I like Bridgeit's suggestion which conveys kind inclinations. Perhaps add something like, "I'm just not used to hugging" if you want to indicate a slight reserve?

Londonwifi Thu 09-Jan-20 20:24:58

I know what you mean. I didn’t come from a family of huggers. By that I mean that a hug was reserved for a special occasion and meant more.
I always like to hug my son and his girlfriend when I see them as they mean so much to me. However, I am not the type to hug everyone each time I meet them especially if I’m not too keen on them. One of my sister in laws for example. She’s really horrible and as a result I really don’t like her. She always hugs every time we meet then again when we part, her husband as well who places his hands on my hips when he hugs me!! Eeeeouch!! Noooooo! I really don’t like it. A friend of my husband has a partner who hugs me and kisses every time we meet and part and she puts me down a lot verbally. How do I get out of her greetings?!?
Now sorry to rant on about my situation. In answer to your question, Jodieb’s answer is spot on. Have a word with your DIL and make light of it even asking her to make sure she gives you a hug so you can respond. Good luck.

Doodle Thu 09-Jan-20 20:27:17

Hugs are nice with people you like/love.

JackyB Thu 09-Jan-20 20:29:04

Sometimes a hug seems the natural thing to do, sometimes I'm glad I brought a cake or a bunch of flowers and can't hug with my hands full.

Sara65 Thu 09-Jan-20 20:40:25

I agree with Doodle, hugging is good with people you like/love.

I hug a few people who are obviously huggers, and who I’m sufficiently fond of not to hurt their feelings, but basically for me, it’s no thanks.

My next door neighbour, who mercifully, I only bump into occasionally, always kisses me, I hate it.

tanith Thu 09-Jan-20 20:47:44

Our family all hug, it took me a while to get used my sons girlfriend who was Belgian kissing me on both cheeks.🥰

ginny Thu 09-Jan-20 20:51:12

Close family and a few very good friends get hugs..
why would anyone want to be hugging anyone they don’t know very well ?

Calendargirl Thu 09-Jan-20 21:05:48

Not a hugger myself. Was not brought up to hug and kiss everybody. Dislike it at church if people go round hugging and kissing during the sharing of the peace, prefer a warm handshake. But will hug someone if they are sad or upset if I think it will make them feel better.
I realise this is not how things are done nowadays, but that is me.

MissAdventure Thu 09-Jan-20 21:10:16

No hugs for me.
I make myself scarce if I can sense one brewing.

Jane10 Thu 09-Jan-20 21:14:15

I'm not a keen hugger either. If someone approaches me and looks like they might be going to hug me I whip my hand out for a handshake!
It really does seem daft to be hugging virtual strangers these days. I put up with it if it's someone I know well but people I'm being introduced to - just no.

jura2 Thu 09-Jan-20 21:18:35

a DIL should not feel like a stranger though...

Jane10 Thu 09-Jan-20 21:22:32

If you see them all the time hugging just feels artificial and meaningless.

Calendargirl Thu 09-Jan-20 21:24:18

Always think on ‘Pointless’ when the losing couple have to leave, sometimes they hug the winning couple, sometimes they just shake hands, bit daft really, they have probably only met in the green room a couple of hours before and now they look like long lost buddies.

jura2 Thu 09-Jan-20 21:25:34

a DIL is not a stranger, nor a long lost buddy

MissAdventure Thu 09-Jan-20 21:27:03

I would treat a daughter in law just like my family; I don't hug them, either.

Scentia Thu 09-Jan-20 21:28:29

I come from a family of non huggers and when I left my DD at the hospital after meeting her 6 hour old son for the first time I went in for a lovely hug, (it just came naturally!) she looked at me like I was going to strangle her😂. Now 8 months on I hug her and kiss her all the time and she just accepts it. I think hugging is a natural thing and you can’t force it. I always hugged them as children but it never seemed natural for me to hug another adult until that day in the hospital.😍. Keep it real OP and don’t force it, she won’t mind if you don’t feel the need to do it.

Hithere Thu 09-Jan-20 21:33:31

I wouldnt give it a second thought.
She knows you are not a hugger.

Hetty58 Thu 09-Jan-20 22:39:04

My DIL is a hugger, so the first thing I do when I see her is give an extended hug and a peck on the cheek. It makes her happy so why not?