I'm updating on my situation (at my peril, I know. Some posters seem to strongly dislike this story..). The unannounced visits have stopped since posting...except for today.
I wouldn't have found it strange, except that my FIL came round at noon to do some gardening (he has vines on our property that he doesn't want to get rid of even though they aren't producing anything) and I pretended not to notice he was there (it's a large property, so it's easy not to spot him from the lower level). He never came to the door. As soon as I spotted him, I stayed upstairs just to see if he'd come to the door so that I could safely ignore it, as we've asked them to just call us before coming.
When my husband came home, he pointedly (and aggressively) told his dad not to peer into the windows and to call if he was stopping by. Apparently, his dad acted like a bad dog who had been hit over the nose with a newspaper (his words, not mine). My husband comes in for lunch and doesn't mention anything to me. As far as he knows, I have no clue his dad was even around. I didn't mention anything to my husband either.
My husband leaves for work.
At 4pm, my FIL comes back, finishes up his gardening and comes up to the house, peering in all the windows. When he gets to the last set, we lock eyes and I was a bit startled. I let him in and we talked for a few minutes. He holds the squirmy baby, trying to wriggle out of his arms as she's shy and then leaves.
He says "oh you only want your mom! Well your mom is your best friend. Then it's your dad. Then it's your grandparents." I find this commentary strange, because this hierarchy is universal, and it's a given...but they always tell the baby some variation of this...
He asks me how baby is doing and tells the baby he hasn't seen her in four days. They also always count the days and comment to the baby about time passed). Mind you, I invited them over 2 days ago, but he didn't come with MIL and MIL has been sick, so she's staying away at my request until 100% better....she said she got really cold the other day and started vomiting at night (she says it was drafty). I told her she probably caught something from someone else and that it could be contagious, so please wait a few says, as baby has taken a week to get over a cold that she still has).
FIL left and I was okay with the unannounced visit, as he hasn't ever done that before unless his wife is around. But when I mentioned his dad coming around later, my husband was shocked that he hadn't called. I too, was then disturbed by the reiteration of a request, ignored by FIL. It's bizarre behaviour, as FIL at noon knew he hadn't finished and was going to come back. He ignored his son's pointed request and peered through the windows anyway. Is this normal?
DH wanted to go and tear a strip off his dad, but he's not great with words and his parents are obviously bad listeners. I'd rather wait it out, but I do think of leaving Italy every day and moving back to Canada and tell my husband this (so he'll follow me...). Writing this out, it all seems crazy and ridiculous. I must be hormonal. Please advise me on this situation and not speculation of my mental state .
I was upset about this unannounced visit because it seems like his parents just don't care about reasonable requests and I feel that when I have to go back to work, they won't respect our wishes (putting baby in a carseat/watching English DVDs we give them rather than Italian cartoons). I feel like leaving every day and tell my husband that we shouldn't live around the corner from the in-laws. He said we can pick up and move house to a place outside of walking distance, but I think that's OTT.
Am I being unreasonable?
Naty Fri 17-Jan-20 02:54:31
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