UPDATE on MIL stops by unannounced

Some things aren't worth arguing over. Surely they could just text her OR call first? Such a small thing to ask.

It’s true seems like a small thing to ask. But I’m sure for people who are terrified of losing control, it’s a very large thing. But that doesn’t matter. You are being asked to do something, so do it or don’t and face the consequences. So simple. Naty already sees them 5 days a week.

I do agree Hithere. But it seems that the grandparents just won't listen.

I had a 'stand-off' with my daughter over an unrelated issues, but the outcome was that I was going to lose contact with my grandson. So I backed down. Completely.

Some things aren't worth arguing over. Surely they could just text her OR call first? Such a small thing to ask.

Gagajo,
It is sad it had to get to that.
People changing because they have no other option is a "little too late".

Why not listen and make the relationship work when it is still in good terms?

Power plays for control end up very bad.

I'm sure they'd make a Herculean effort to change if they knew they faced losing their son and grandchild to an overseas move.

Pretty sure my MiL wished she'd been less pushy when we moved away.

"Why can’t her inlaws adjust? I know they don’t want to, but they can."

Exactly

Obviously thats how this Italian family work. So Naty has to learn to accept it or, as she obviously wants to do, - move away

Why can’t her inlaws adjust? I know they don’t want to, but they can.

I didn't go round with a duster and hoover - they took me as they found me
Me neither, I do not take after my Mum!

I'm so glad you said that Castilmon because that's how it is here. Family and others popped round (yes they did knock at the door but it wasn't locked) and I didn't go round with a duster and hoover - they took me as they found me.
Perhaps its an old fashioned practice now as I notice many of my friends keeep their doors firmly locked, even if they are in the house. The only time I might consider doing that would be if I was taking a bath and DH was out.
Obviously thats how this Italian family work. So Naty has to learn to accept it or, as she obviously wants to do, - move away

Yes, it is going round in circles.
Naty you have to decide what's best for you and be pro-active.

When I was a child people were always 'popping in' as my mother's family all lived quite near, the back door was always unlocked although people did knock. I did miss that when I moved away and, although my MIL lived near, she never just popped in.

Perhaps that's why my mother rushed round every morning with a duster and vacuum cleaner, in case anyone called round. The house was always spick and span.

We will keep going round in circles on this thread. Look at the one about leaving doors unlocked. Some do, some don’t, but the assumptions of some of those who like ‘droppers in’ are that those who don’t feel unsafe in their homes, or are not part of the community in some way.

Neither is true of me, but I hate people dropping in without notice. It is about privacy and boundaries, plus the feeling that my own home is my own space. It’s quite fundamental for me - I don’t just ‘not like it’, it makes me feel very uncomfortable.

What any else does, or feels, or thinks is not going to change that, just as my feelings won’t influence theirs, so pages of ‘I do/did x or y’, or ‘in a culture, b or c is usual’ really get us nowhere. It comes down to personal preference.

Having said that, the similarities between this thread and the royal family situation are not lost on me, and I do wonder if we are being played here.

I just know if she came to live near me with a young baby, even though we're not related I'd expect to be welcomed if I popped in for a chat, and I'd want her to feel free she could come and visit me any time.

But what if she was busy? Or having a day?

I’d be horrified to have to entertain anybody who popped by and expected me to be grateful for the visit as though I were just sat there waiting for someone to pay attention to me like a doll.

I can’t ever imagine expecting someone to host me if I ever had to pop by unexpectedly.

Not offended. Just... different strokes/different folks.

Ooops folks - I'm out of here before I offend anyone else.

Until 3 weeks ago, ExD1938, I lived in Northumberland. Not done by me or my family/friends to just drop in. Some friends would be polite enough to tolerate it, but some would definitely ask for a call or a text to confirm next time.

I have friends and work with Canadians, Hithere, and they are horrified if they are compared to Americans.

Oh yes GagaJo - my mistake. Maybe the two cultures are similar? Do people just 'drop in' like they do where I live I wonder - I live in rural Cumbria so may be quite different in outlook from more urban places.

I just know if she came to live near me with a young baby, even though we're not related I'd expect to be welcomed if I popped in for a chat, and I'd want her to feel free she could come and visit me any time.

I do acknowledge her ILs are being suffocating and unreasonable though, even for Italians, and it must be hard to take.
Lets hope the DH can make the GPs understand they are driving her away and that it could be as far as Canada.

Gagajo,
I disagree.
Canada and the US has way more similarities than Canada and the UK or US and the UK.

Also, let's not forget that culture in Texas is way different than the one in New York, Georgia compared with Alaska, California compared to South Carolina, for example.
The US is a huge country.

Meghan Markle is American. Canada is foreign to her, as was the UK.

Funny isn't it?
Swop Naty for Meghan
Swop Inlaws for Harry
and we have two Canadians unable to compromise with different cultures. Perhaps Canadians have strong traditions of privacy.
If you insist your DH moves to Canada, discarding the wonderful gift of a house and land in Italy - he'll grow to resent you (and that is what I think will happen with Harry and Meghan). And how insulting to reject the IL's house! Please take care here
Meghan's ILs expected her to conform to British standards, she couldn't, or was not prepared to, do this. I think she'll live to regret it, as will you if you uproot your husband..
Just my opinion.

ps - how did two two meet? Was it in Italy or Canada? Just curious.

Thank you for the advice. I'll look into magnesium.

Rather than meds (may not be prescribed anyway if you are breastfeeding) have you tried magnesium?

I take it to try to avoid cramp but it is a general relaxant too and is supposed to help the body's stress responses.

Check first re contraindications if breastfeeding though.

I've been using the term busy body wrong my ENTIRE life, then..
Oh well! Thanks for letting me know!
Actually...mostly...my house is pretty clean all of the time. I like it pristine on the lower level and bathrooms. I get anxious, otherwise. BUT clean laundry can sit in a jumbled pile for ages. We all have our hot spots for clutter.
I like my in-laws way of life. I just don't want to be on their list of things to do unless they let me in on their plans (even 5 minutes ahead of time is fine).

I think it is mostly different cultural expectations.
we all take our cultural norms for granted, and don't even notice we have them until something comes up against them.
it seems you are quite introspective and individualist in your way of living.
the in-laws, not yet outlaws I hope !, are much more out-going, communal, extravert. their family-oriented way of life seems v attractive to me, but I am not you, and I am not having to fit in with it, in a foreign country, and away from your own friends/ family.
don't know how you can square the circle.
but could you try to relax more, I mean why must you or the house be tidied before they come. cant you just hang loose ! a bit. why would it be so bad. let them see you how you really are. I think you are trying too hard to put on a front, and this is causing some of the stress. try to let go.
by the way, not sure if you are aware, but busy-body has a v negative connotation in british English. from the context, not sue you meant it like that. here it means very nosey, interfering, obnoxious person. it does not mean someone active in a neutral or positive way.

And I think in this case, my husband's parents expected unlimited access to our child due to proximity.

When his family comes round I guess I feel a disconnect most of the time. Like I'm speaking under water and only a fraction of what I say or how I feel gets through or is understood. Not sure if that makes sense, but people might get it if they spoke another language in a different culture to people old enough to be your youngish grandparents.