Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Page 2 of 2 | First | Previous | Next | Last
| Flip | Customise |

Partner objects to grandchildren being around so much

(30 Posts)
Add comment | Report
Lulu450191 Fri 17-Jan-20 21:56:58

Hi I’ve just joined but would like some advice please. I have been with my partner about 8 years living together for two years. I have three children I brought up on my own and four grandchildren. Whenever my children come he makes an excuse to go out and not spend time with them. It’s even worse when they come with the grandkids or the grandkids want to stay. He will go to his parents and stay if they sleepover and often there is an atmosphere. My daughter has two boys age 9 and 4 and they have stayed the past three Saturdays which I love so she can go out in a date as she has no one to look after them and this has caused an enormous rift between me and partner. He had gone back to his parents! He thinks I don’t care about him and I spend too much time with gc and daughters. I am fed up with trying to juggle things and keep the peace together with feeling guilty. I am very family orientated and surely shouldn’t have to choose not sure what to do. Has anyone had a similar situation please?

Add comment | Report
GagaJo Sat 18-Jan-20 08:12:31

I see both sides. YES, I know I am selfish!

My bloke adores my grandson (he has no grandchildren of his own). He leaps at spending time with him and me. It is one of the nicest things about him, in my opinion. Grandson loves him as well. He won't, however, spend time with my daughter, because she's been a cow to him in the past. Fair enough I think.

HOWEVER (selfish, remember). I am not overly keen on spending time with HIS adult children. In my (slight) defense, this is based on them being shi**y to me in the past BUT I know I'm wrong. I DO spend time in their company, attend family events etc, but I don't enjoy it.

Add comment | Report
Sara65 Sat 18-Jan-20 08:25:22

Well I completely agree that your family should come first, no question.

But I know men, who find children really challenging, my own son, who has no children, finds his nieces and nephews very trying, I also work with a man who really dislikes being around them. It doesn’t make your partner bad, but it does seem you’re rather incompatible, and this is sure to put a big strain on you.

If you can’t talk honestly about it, and make some compromises, I would think you’re relationship is probably doomed. But don’t give up before you’ve really tried, he must have lots of good points.

Add comment | Report
sodapop Sat 18-Jan-20 09:02:45

I agree with Sarah65 young children are challenging if you are unused to them. It does seem as if he is not even trying to accommodate them though. You do need a frank discussion on this Lulu maybe some compromise but don't let it cause a rift with your family.

Add comment | Report
Lulu450191 Sat 18-Jan-20 09:19:20

Thank you so much everyone more discussions on way and I’ll let you know what happens

Page 2 of 2 | First | Previous | Next | Last
| Flip | Customise |