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(56 Posts)
grannyornot Wed 12-Feb-20 22:02:15

Just looking for what to do- how come my grandchild is allowed to stay overnight with her mother but not me. Should I ask the question to the dil as this really upsets me.

notanan2 Wed 12-Feb-20 22:04:10

Why do you need the grandchild to stay over at all? Its not a toy to be passed around.

I dont understand GPs who expect "alone time". Its the ones that do who get a wider berth you know!

Enjoy the time you do spend with them all, together

gillybob Wed 12-Feb-20 22:04:57

Oh here we go again.......

MissAdventure Wed 12-Feb-20 22:07:15

Oh dear, this is a prickly subject to some posters, although I'm not sure why people get so involved.

I haven't any advice, except to say 'comparison is the thief of joy' (something like that, anyway)

SpanielNanny Wed 12-Feb-20 22:14:25

I’m sorry you’re feeling upset grannyornot .

Have you actually offered/asked to have your grandchild overnight? Looking after a child overnight, even a grandchild, is a lot to ask. Could it be that your son & dil don’t want to impose on you?

MissAdventure Wed 12-Feb-20 22:17:50

How old is your grandchild?
I was thinking that children can often say they don't like someone or somewhere, for no discernable reason, and it can all change the next day.

GrannyLaine Wed 12-Feb-20 22:31:38

grannyornot I think the only person who can answer that question is your DIL.

grannyornot Wed 12-Feb-20 22:33:15

He is 2 years old. I have offered and asked so many times but she always comes up with a excuse- ie she does not want to disturb his sleep pattern but what about when he stays with her mum.

Loulelady Wed 12-Feb-20 22:34:15

Do you have a dog or does anyone in your household smoke?
Did you smack your children (not judging, - my mum smacked me occasionally and I occasionally smacked my eldest, which I wouldn’t do now).
We can’t guess why your gc hasn’t stayed with you yet. I’d guess they aren’t confident you’d follow their routine and preferences. Or maybe the grandchild is more comfortable at the moment with her mum. Do they see each other more often?
Why do you think it is?

MissAdventure Wed 12-Feb-20 22:35:14

Some mums will only allow their own mother to babysit.

Maybe its that?

rosenoir Wed 12-Feb-20 23:22:27

I would ask, in a pleasant tone,if there is something your daughter in law is not happy with in your home consider changing it if you want to have your grandson to stay.

OutsideDave Wed 12-Feb-20 23:32:32

Do you follow the household rules when you are around your grandchild? Do you question their decisions? Undermine their rules? Is there something about your home that might be perceived as unsafe (smoking, no babyproofing etc?)

Sara65 Thu 13-Feb-20 06:44:30

Any of the above are possible.
Just enjoy the daytime visits, having a two year old for a sleepover can be exhausting!

Calendargirl Thu 13-Feb-20 06:52:32

Probably he sees more of her mum, so she is more familiar with his routine? And probably she just trusts her own mum more, not that I think you wouldn’t do everything to keep him safe and happy, but you often hear young mums say “I would only leave him /her with my own mum”.
What does your son think or say on the subject?

dragonfly46 Thu 13-Feb-20 06:59:42

I left my DC with my mum but would not have trusted my MiL. It is a different relationship.
Now I am the MiL I accept the situation. I just enjoy the GC when I do see them.

sodapop Thu 13-Feb-20 07:32:47

I think that's about it dragonfly46 different relationship. I would let things lie for a while grannyornot then speak to your daughter in law as rosenoir suggested. There may be something she is not comfortable with,

Babyshark Thu 13-Feb-20 07:56:24

Could you ask your son if he knows the reason? Maybe it is dil just not happy with it but maybe it’s something that can be easily fixed. Think your son holds the key to this?

Greymar Thu 13-Feb-20 08:09:36

trip trap yawn

SpanielNanny Thu 13-Feb-20 08:49:44

Two years old is still very small. My grandson is also two, and he just wouldn’t be comfortable staying with me overnight. I see him every week and have a wonderful relationship with my dil. There’s no ‘reason’, he’s just not ready for that yet.

Eglantine21 Thu 13-Feb-20 08:50:16

Why do you need him to stay overnight?

Truly, I just don’t get it.

ninathenana Thu 13-Feb-20 09:58:46

Your grandchild is allowed to stay overnight with her mother.

Isn't that where a child should be, with it's parent.
Why do you have an issue with this ?

Buffybee Thu 13-Feb-20 10:09:10

Obviously Dil's are more comfortable with their own Mothers so if the child needs to stay overnight with someone, she will choose her own Mother.
I'm afraid this is just how it is and probably how it has always been since time immemorial.

Hetty58 Thu 13-Feb-20 10:10:27

ninathenana, it was the maternal grandmother that was meant.

I find it quite simple to answer. We know our own mothers very well, their parenting style, responsibility and what they'd be likely to do in any situation. So we know whether to trust them with our babies. We just don't know our in-laws quite so well, do we?

(I knew my mother far too well. She was never allowed to be alone with my kids if I could possibly avoid it.)

Silver14 Thu 13-Feb-20 10:34:49

My advice would be don't make a big deal to DiL don't damage any relationships. Mention you would love at some point to have him overnight and plant the seed.

Bibbity Thu 13-Feb-20 12:21:18

Where is your son?