I have a wonderful DIL whom my son loves very much. She is young, 22 & my son 25. My DH & I are in our late 40's. Her parents are much older than us... they are in their early 60's.
Our DH & DIL recently had their first baby, our first grandchild & we are thrilled. It has been a difficult road for my DIL as she has postpartum anxiety. We've all been respectful and supportive of her and our DS as much as we can being several States away.
Its been 2 months now and she still won't seek professional help. My son is being so patient with her but it is draining him. Recently our grandson was blessed in our church. Her parents flew out & so did my DH. I was going to surprise them and come but because I knew she was still not right I called and asked her what she thought. And she told me she loved me & knew everyone would love to have me there but it was overwhelming for her & she preferred I didn't come. So I stayed home. My DS calls us & we talk & i always say - How's my baby? How's my handsome boy? I was recently told not to say that to my DIL because it causes her anxiety. So I'm trying to watch what I say.
Now her new issue is what we're calling ourselves. When they were first married & we talked about grandkids she asked us what do we want them to call us. We said Mama & Papa. That's what my husband called his grandparents and we've always looked forward to the day we had our own grandchildren so they can call us that. When we told her that, she smiled. But now, it's an issue. She said she called her parents Mama & Papa/ Dad and doesn't want to confuse the baby because he will call her Mama (its really that name she has an issue with).
I am so hurt and frustrated. I feel I have bent over backwards to accommodate, support & love her through her struggles but she continues to have more rules and demands.
For 30 years we have dreamt about being Mama & Papa to our grandchildren and now she's not allowing it. I'm at a loss. Advice?
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