Siblings sharing a bed

It's odd that they share a bed when there's other options. Having said that, it's really up to the parents to sort out.

Sodapop, quite simply I really don’t know where I stand on this.
The children are not related to me but it made me question wether or not I would disapprove if my daughter for example was doing the same.

It’s all very well for the NSPCC to say children over 10 should have their own room, but rents in private sector properties are so high in the south that many families struggle to pay rent even on a smaller house so that one child per bedroom is an unaffordable luxury!!

I think it's odd and inadvisable if there are other options.

No harm as long as there's not anything going on that is obviously inappropriate. Not at that age. Once the older one hits 10 it would be iffy, but I' m sure before then they will want their own beds anyway.

I'm afraid I would not allow it. As others have said, it would be very easy for a precocious boy to manipulate the four year old. He would only be exploring, as any child would do, but the girl would not know it was not normal. I'm afraid, Bluebelle that you are outdated.

Absolutely nothing wrong with sharing a bed with siblings or children sharing a bed with parents for that matter. Research shows that this builds immunity and creates solid attachments. When kids are ready to sleep by themselves they will say/do so and if there's an accommodation problem, bunks and futon beds are helpful.

Sorry I’m with David on this, I’ve been involved in chats where boys are far more curious at a younger age than girls due to there hormones kicking in earlier. I wouldn’t encourage it I think definitely from the age 8/9 they should sleep separately except of course in the odd occasion of needing beds for visitors or on holiday but I feel every night will encourage the curiosity far sooner than expected. After all boys and girls are different children or not.

My grandson age 11 and his sister age 6 share a bedroom ( own beds) in a council house. My daughter is a single mum working part time. The council offered her a three bedroom house at £920 a month, which she declined for obvious reasons. I worry that she will never be able to afford a bigger house as we live in an expensive part of the country

It's blurring boundaries.

The sort of set up that (could) lead to sexual abuse. I think that is the OP's worry - it certainly is the reason for re-housing. Th sexual abuse stats speak for themselves.

*The (Maw) ;)

Missfoodlove
You appear to be unsure that what you are allowing is the right thing to do so ask yourself when do you consider your son and daughter should be sleeping in beds of their own.?
Just remember the longer this goes on the more difficult it becomes when brothers and sisters are given beds and if possible rooms of their own.

I bought a two bedroom house from a couple with two children, a boy aged 14 and a girl aged 10. The children shared a three quarter size bed. To say I was shocked was an understatement but the parents thought it quite normal!

I do find it sad that people are at once thinking/talking sexual abuse in such young children. I dare say that makes me unrealistic/old fashioned/naive, but so be it.

When they stay with us our Gdcs aged 3 and 4 always share a double sofa bed, and usually end up cuddled up together, fast asleep. At home they have separate bunk beds but are often found ditto, snuggled together like two puppies.
I would feel sad to think that this would have to stop any time soon.

Should have added, Gdd 4, Gds 3.

I don't see anything wrong in it . When puberty starts that's when to draw the line . As long as the children are happy , that's all that's matters .

My grandchildren went into separate rooms when the eldest was 10. They both protested as they enjoyed cuddling up, keeping warm and feeling secure together. They soon accepted that it had to be this way though, as they were getting too big to fit into a single bed anyway.

My DS and DD would often get into bed with one another even at the ages of 10 and 12 (maybe older!) from what I remember! They were best friends when they lived at home together and I would often be woken in the night by them messing about and laughing together. I had no concerns at all about either of them manipulating the other. If either of them were to manipulate the other they had plenty of chances to do that not just at bedtime.
The only reason they did this was because my DS was the one with sky tv in his room, (that is what he spent his paper round money on!!!)

I think denial of childhood sexual abuse, and also family dysfunction is one of the reasons we cannot eradicate it completely.

This is absolutely an issue about child boundaries.

These kids (10 and above) are learning they are not entitled to any personal privacy, the younger sibling and older are in a vulnerable situation.
There are literally libraries full of books about this.
No excuse exept you find the truth unpalatable.
How about the kids - we ought to protect them, however distasteful we find the topic, surely? And can we also agree that you did not have to join in this thread if you only wanted to put down an opinion, rather than just state your own.

If you met the adult version of these abuses - would you insist they never speak on it too?

Only if there is NO alternative, and then adult should be on scene as much as possible and it should always be taken as necessary that children have their own bed whenever possible.

sarahellenwhitney,
These are not my children and no relation.
I have thought long and hard as to whether it is quite normal or not.
I really do not know if we have become over cautious or if it is blurring boundaries.

I worked for ten years with survivors I only ever worked with one where it was sibling abuse (much older children) and one case of sibling abuse but violence not sexual I certainly think own beds at puberty or before, but these are only very little kids
It would however be interesting to know the reasoning behind it if they have a big house most kids are so proud to have their own beds
I guess if your daughter was to do the same Missfoidlove you either have to leave her to it or ask her reasoning because at the end of the day they re her children and her decisions unless you thought some untoward was going on

Let the parents get Bunk Beds for them you can even get good second hand ones now and just get two new mattresses which are cheap. Bunk beds will not take up much space and then both children have their own bed. For me that is problem solved a no brainer.

I don't really see a problem right now but think the parents should be working towards the children having separate beds in the not too distant future then if possible separate rooms. They will become emotionally dependent on co sleeping and it could be a difficult habit to break.