Mothers Day

I don't think it will help how you feel about this situation by indignantly ruminating on the fact that you give and do everything for them, even paying for their IVF. I'm sure this is wholly appreciated by them both, however they have their own precious little family now and this year at least, wish to congratulate themselves privately.
I'm in the same situation, first time Grandma last year. My son and his wife have opted to do likewise and honestly, I wish them a lovely lunch.

The reality is that when young women become mothers themselves it’s their turn to be treated on Mother’s Day. Looking back I can’t remember giving my own mum too much thought myself in those days, sometimes she was quick to complain! I was just glad as a weary young mum to be the recipient of some TLC myself! Fast forward 40+ years and it’s now my daughters who appreciate the TLC. Funnily enough I’ve just spent a few hours sorting through old greetings cards etc and have been touched at some of the lovely messages some going back over 40 years. For me it’s time to remember the past with gratitude and look to the future with enthusiasm. I hope you’re able to do the same OP.

Since my daughters have become mothers, I expect to take second place to whatever they are doing with their own nuclear family. There are also mothers in law to be taken into account of too. I have never made a fuss about this.

Last year, they booked tickets for all to see a show which was weeks after the actual day. To be honest, I expect them to treat me well as their mother all the time, not especially on one specific day.

It's a good few years since I spent Mothering Sunday with DD due to distance and her work commitments.
I will get a card or text. That's fine by me. It's just another day really.
DS will be here as he still lives at home.

Totally agree with rosenoir post

Have to agree with all the other replies, just be pleased her husband is being so thoughtful, and enjoy the time you spend with her on the Saturday,

But ceidth this daughter is not a daughter first any more but a Mother first now and should be taken out by HER Family You do not take precedence over her any more You have had many years of being the matriarch now it’s her turn

I don’t want to be harsh to you but you asked for our thoughts, you obviously see things through different eyes but you are being very selfish and very unreasonable
Stop the pettiness and enjoy the day whatever it brings forth and think how lucky you’ve been all these years, encourage your daughter to start their own celebrations and if your other daughter wants to spend it with her own family unit accept a card and some flowers (if you’re lucky) and get on with your own life
You don’t own your children or their lives

OP say nothing at all! Let it go! Lovely your SIL wants to take her out.

I just wonder why it’s ok for her to be treated on a day other than actual Mother’s Day but not you. Are you more deserving or more of a mother than her? I think you need to dig deep and really think about why You think your needs should come Before hers. Sorry if that’s blunt, I just found your post really insulting.

Ceitdh
You put the lie to the assumption that it's the younger generation that it's all about me me me.

Years ago, my family used to go out for Mother's Day lunch as a very big group, with my parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, and cousins! It was our tradition. But when the younger family members started to have their own children, they began to have their own little family traditions. Things can't stay the same forever. Your DD and SiL have a much longed for baby, and it's your DD's first Mother's Day ... let her spend it with her husband and baby, and tell her she deserves it, and to have a wonderful day. You can still enjoy spending time with her on the Saturday ... it's just one day, and it doesn't mean she's being disrespectful, or not thinking of your feelings. Please don't upset her over this, it's not worth it.

ceitdh I know you have not heard what you perhaps expected to hear from this thread but it’s been said to help you feel better about the situation and to see it through different eyes
Do come back and tell us if you can look at it from a different perspective now and see your daughters outing in a different light
I do hope so

Congratulations on the birth of your grandchild which will bring much joy to the family. Mothers day is just another day really, a card, phone call etc., should be just as welcoming, don't fret over it, let your daughter enjoy her new status as a mum!

I am sorry but you really do need to rethink your expectations.
You have had your DDs for a long time and now they have their own families.

I don’t do Mother’s Day. Only acknowledged it when our children were at school and made cards.

Ceitdh
Rather then giving an opinion, as you've been given enough of those already, I am going to make a suggestion.

You said that your elder daughter hasn't told you yet, that it was your other daughter that has mentioned this. That suggests to me that your elder daughter might be agonising over how to tell you, worried about how you will react.

My suggestion is that instead of waiting for her to raise the subject, you approach her instead, saying that now she is a mum herself, you realize that things are different, and it's time to change things. You could tentatively suggest doing something the day before instead (which I think is what you have been told she would like to do anyway?)
Show what a good mum you are by not making an issue of something that really isn't a big deal in the scheme of things.

It’s your daughter’s special day now too.

FlexibleFriend Absolutely!

Your daughter is now a mother herself
Let her enjoy her day as she wishes
Things change and you need to adapt
Its not all about you
See things from your daughters point of view as a new mother and be gracious.. You're now a grandmother too

I read this with sadness. As a Mother we do our utmost for our children, even paying for things with no strings attached. Your daughter has just become a mother and wants to celebrate the fact with her child and husband. I am positive that as I get older and my grandchildren are born I would expect to be put second. Your daughter and her husband are right to want to celebrate their first Mothers day together and a second celebration to acknowledge me is one I would accept. Life is for living and you have celebrated many happy Mothers day with her that changing the day would be no big deal. I'm sorry if this offends any one but I feel the daughter is right.

Sorry to say this, but be careful you don't turn into my late MIL! Everyone used to tiptoe around her do things to 'please her face', but they didn't really want to be with her, and got it over with as quickly as possible. Deep down, she knew that, and she was a very unhappy woman, because she knew it was only guilt that made the family dance around. Don't be like her. Be genuinely happy for your daughter, and, by the way, you didn't pay for the baby - they made it themselves!

@rosenoir - well said.

Sorry but it is for one year! I would expect that your DD and her OH want to celebrate that they are at last parents just the three of them, what is wrong with that?
Your comment that you paid for the IVF sounds almost as if you bought and paid for the baby so expect recompense for your outlay. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but commenting about who paid for the treatment didn't need to be said - if anyone else had donated to the cause, does that mean that they would have got first dibs with the child???
Let this couple have their special first day after what must have been a gruelling ordeal for them both - at least your other daughter will be with you. There are other mothers who would love dearly to have any family at all with them - distance or bereavement may make it impossible.
You are lucky!

Yes you are being unreasonable.
Incidentally it is Mothering Sunday not Mother’s Day

How horrible it must be for your daughter for you to hold the IVF above her head to guilt her into doing the things you want her to do!