Mothers Day

If you had just become a mum would you want to acknowledge your ‘qualification’ as a mum - especially as it was likely a struggle to get that honour? Try to be happy for her and, perhaps, stretch your Mother’s. Day by getting together with her another day and celebrating your and her day.....?

Wow! I have to be honest- you are being extremely selfish. Looks like you think you are “owed” because of what you have done/paid for in the past. Glad you aren’t my Mum!

When our grandchildren arrived, we loved the fact that our children and their spouses could now celebrate Mothering Sunday (and Father's Day) in their own right. We weren't usually forgotten - flowers, cards, phone calls etc - and have had difficulty impressing on our children that it's lovely to be remembered, but we know they care for us all year round, and that maybe they should not be spending their hard-earned money on us now they have families! Maybe we should be spending ours on them so that they can celebrate!
Ceitdh, you have a wonderful family. Please help them celebrate. You won't be forgotten: it will just be different! They will always remember how much you have done for them, but don't make them feel obliged to do what you want or they will resent it.
What a great question for lots of discussion!!

Change can be hard to adapt to your can’t •ceitdh• it? Families evolve and this is a new stage for you all. It will be different but it doesn’t have to be worse. Think if it as your weekend. Sounds a special two days to me. Smile through it all.

I also think you're being very selfish. Stop thinking about yourself!!

Most of our family have always been shift workers so consequently we have celebrated Mother’s Day and Christmas and Boxing Day on a day that fits in with us all- anything within seven days either side.
I hope you manage to see and understand their decisions.

Oh dear poor Ceitdh you’ve opened a can of worms! But fellow posters here are right your children have their own lives now and we do come second! I’m sure your generosity has been treasured but we mustn’t do things to be thanked.. I suspect you wish you hadn’t asked the question now but just enjoy any time with your children and their children .

Oh dear, is it just me? How have we become so obsessed with “days”. A day to celebrate this, that or the other. Isn’t having a loving family enough? If children ignored their mother all year but then sent a card on one day a year, would that be better? Surely, having loving contact with children any day of the year is far preferable?
Apart from the fact that every day of the year is hyped to the outer limits by marketing and most days were invented by Hallmark in order to sell more cards, what really is important?
Sorry, but I don’t do “days”. I’d rather have random thoughtful messages or random acts of kindness as and when it occurs to someone. Those moments mean far more than a marketed card or gift on a so called designated day.

Im sure theyre extremely grateful you were in a position to pay for their IVF and it was generous on your part. Im glad it has been successful. Its the circle of life and our parts in it continually evolve/change. Its now your time to watch & enjoy them become parents to your grandchild and standing back graciously is your gift again. As your grandchild grows you could help him/her make a gift for mum & that will bring you pleasure.

For goodness sake...Mother’s Day !!! .... such a nonesense.... made sure my mum got a card ...as she did hers.... my kids may pop in with a card but more likely a text. What a lot of fuss over nothing. Let’s hope it will ‘die a death’ .....sooner rather than later.

You are being selfish!

Wow OP, for what it's worth you are being very selfish. As you said you have had years of Mother's Day lunches to remember with your daughters. Life moves on. Do lunch all together on another Sunday and enjoy being part of your loving, growing family. Surely that is the important thing?

Sorry but I don't think you are a very nice person. You say you do this and you do that for them, you say you paid for the IVF [ which really did not need mentioning ] but that is what parents do for their kids be there for them to help in general or financially if you can. You do not shout it from the rooftops for everyone to hear. This baby is very special to both of them and to have a husband who realises this and wants to treat his wife on Mothers Day as her first ever Mothers Day says loads about him. To suggest your daughter celebrates MothersDay the day before says loads about you and not nice things either. Stop being so selfish and thank yourself lucky to have such a very caring son-in-law.

I think you should relinquish control - your daughters and d-I-l's are mothers themselves - perhaps they too would like "their day" so yes I believe you are being unreasonable in wanting everything to be about you.

Can I just say I understand your feelings but as mothers we have to adapt and evolve. I have three sons two married one still at home. Has left and come back due to finances. I love them all but I never spend Mother’s Day with all of them as they have their own lives . Yes they pop in usually on the saturday and one son has his twenty minute visit due to work but I love them and accept it. Life isn’t all perfect but we have to live with things and adapt.

Life changes when our kids have kids, and it’s difficult at times with family dynamics, in laws etc Personally, I always insist that my 2 sons focus on their lovely wives on Mother’s Day as they both live an hour or so away. My Son in law always insists on taking my DD, his Mum and me out to a restaurant on Mother’s Day. I always get spoilt by all 3 of mine so I truly do not mind whether I see them the week before or the week after, as long as I see them that’s all that matters to me.

Agree with the others. I'm afraid when our own children have partners, home and children of their own, we go down the ladder of their priorities. This whether we have been caring and loving parents and whether we have been able to help them in any way including financially. It's life.

Its her first mother's day with her child and she wants to celebrate it her way.

Great of you to have helped with their IVF but it doesnt confer you any "rights"

You are being a drama queen. You are seeing your daughter on another day near the actual day. I’m glad my mother was not like you. I did the same as your daughter when I became a mother,

I think OP will have got the message now! My own mother is still alive in her 90's so she is my priority on Mother's Day. If either of my AC wish to see me on Mothering Sunday, that is a bonus but since they have had their own families I have dropped all expectations of them choosing to spend time with me - that way, if they do, it is a bonus but I cannot be disappointed. To be fair, we do see plenty of each other all year round so perhaps not so difficult for me. Give them wings to fly and they are more likely to come back because they want to rather than feeling they have to. Hope you enjoy the day, whoever you spend it with.

Your daughter has been through IVF so she and her DH obviously were desperate for a child, now they finally have one and of course the first Mother's Day is a very special one. OF COURSE they want to celebrate the occasion together, you should only feel happiness for them. Yes, you are being selfish.

This makes me cross. The OP should not be so selfish. Her daughter is a new mum and deserves to be treated. I would never ever be awkward when it comes to family. I'm just glad if they can spend time with me.

Sorry you’re upset, but your children’s lives are their own. I’m sure they love you, and they have offered to see you, but don’t be resentful they want to be a little family together this time.

I’m lucky if I get a card from DS1, but I know he loves me.
I don’t expect ds1 or 2 at Christmas or Easter either. They can spend it as they choose. I’m lucky to have them, and they keep in touch.

Sorry, but paying for IVF was surely freely given by you. Be glad it worked for them.

Life changes. Your daughter is now a mum, her child will always be first but that doesn't mean that she doesn't love you just because she is not with you on Mother's Day.
It's the same at Christmas, families change. My sister-in-law was so upset if all of her children did not see her on Christmas Day. She accused me of not understanding when I told her that just because my daughters did not see me on the Christmas Day, it did not mean that they did not love me any less nor I loved them any less.

Did you always spend Mothers’ day with your own mother?