Should I meet my mum, 66yrs age and lives alone

Definitely not. Mixing households is how the virus is spread. How is she getting her shopping by the way....is she going out to the shops. She is definitely not old at 66 by the way.

Sorry but I see no reason why you cannot meet your Mum in the park & have a walk with her. I go for a walk every day & usually end up walking with a complete stranger & having some very nice chats. As long as you keep at least 6' apart it is no problem. I just got back from Sainsbury's & the small queue to get in were keeping 6' apart- it was no problem. Inside the shop it was a bit more difficult but everyone was sensible & there was no risk that I could see,
Not sure about taking your son- I know how much I would LOVE to see my DGC- Would your Mum know not to hug him & would he be upset if she didn't? That one is up to you.

Do not under meet up you have to obey the rules like everyone else what if you your son are a carrier and she gets sick you will both feel guilty. You must explain until the lockdown is lifted you cannot meet. Tell her to go for a walk every day

Has your mum got any hobbies apart from controlling you? If your brother thinks it's OK, tell him to come over and visit her!!
I agree that possibly a chat with her doctor could be a good idea?

If she's suffering from depression, then one meeting, walk or whatever, isn't going to solve her problem. And I agree that taking your son is going to make it a lot more difficult. So you can't really offer long term support - I suspect if you arrange one meeting, without your son, it's just going to make her feel worse in the long run, because she wants the freedom to see her family when, and how, she wants. (Like many of us).

But if she's depressed, she can't pull herself out of it - she needs help. So maybe her appeals to you are literally a cry for help?

Is her surgery doing phone appointments? Could you persuade her to talk to her surgery and say she needs help? A lot of GPs seem to be very keen to keep looking after their patients to the best of their ability.

Your last sentence about mum doing nothing suggests that in fact she might be starting to show signs of something wrong. How old is mum?
Has she always been one to laze around, or is this something new?
I believe that we are all responsible for our own happiness. If mum keeps ringing you, put your answerphone on, and then set a time of day when you will ring her. My son has severe learning difficulties, lives in a flat with carer support at times. It's part of his day to ring me on the dot at 8pm. Unless there is an emergency he doesn't ring me otherwise. I'm afraid you are now at the point of deciding if you want to be a carer doing more, and more and more for the rest of your life until mum dies, or making a stand and learning to control mum. Not easy. Join Carers UK forum. Lots of people struggling to deal with the demands of elderly parents.

Could you meet your mum for a walk in the evening after your toddler is in bed?

Agree with this..kindness..wont kill anyone.

You really mustn’t visit your mum, or invite her to your home. The only way we can beat this pandemic is by staying at home. It’s hard on all of us, but together we can get through this. Have daily phone / FaceTime/ Skype contact with your mum.

Very difficult for you... i wonder whether a phone with the NHS or Royal voluntary service (RVS) volunteers might be helpful for her... also her GP surgery may have a nurse that could be in touch, and the Samaritans too
116123 I think
The main question here is about ‘Essential need’: Could you take her to GP just to get her anxiety acknowledged - as a Gran, I hope that she’ll allow you to help in a way that’s not breaking the rules....

Your mum sounds as though she is depressed, and whilst she is under 70 if she has high blood pressure then she has an underlying condition. Aside from all the family history and the 'controlling' label attached by your husband - I note that you don't say you believe that - if she is totally isolated and depressed and with high blood pressure, she needs some help. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with you making one trip with your child in your car to meet with her and keep your 2m distance and go for a walk where you can also socially-distance from others. I know the regulation is that you should not drive to a beauty spot to take your daily exercise, but if her mental health is taking a dive then this could be accepted as an essential trip. The really important thing would be for you to make it plain to her that this would be a one-off, that she could not expect to kiss or cuddle, and that you would have to restrict this to a half an hour. Let her see that you are making a huge concession and while you are with her emphasise that you should be doing regular facetime or HouseParty if she has a smart phone. You could also ask her before you make such an arrangement whether she has been in contact with her GP because her GP can signal her to the NHS volunteer force and somebody could call her regularly to befriend her during her isolation.

It is vey difficult. I can't visit my mother because I live over 300 miles away. She spent her 94th birthday on her own. She was due to see her great grandchildren in May.
I can't see her virtually because she never had the chance to embrace technology.
However I speak on the phone every day, I send her photographs and news of the family. I let her talk about her childhood etc
It is very hard but we are finding different ways to compensate for what we would normally do.

There's mostly pretty cruel comments on here, very quick to demonize the poor woman. I feel sorry for her and many like her who are feeling so isolated and just want a bit of company. Can you talk to her and at least empathize with how she's feeling, kindness costs nothing.

@ Nannan2
Sounds like youre letting your child control you too! Hes 18mths just because he CAN walk/talk doesnt mean he has to! Stick him in a buggy for walk- so what if he throws a tantrum! Its what little kids do- youre his parent,you must weather the tantrum and tell him no- he needs to learn hes to do as you want,not other way round!-(trust me ive brought up 7!)

I just don't agree with any of this. I am following attachment parenting ideals and this goes against everything it promotes. No offence, but you sound very harsh - maybe bringing up 7 kids has had that effect.

Also, I do have control over my own life. It's a tricky situation and one none of us have faced.

I can't visit my mother because I live over 300 miles away. She spent her 94th birthday on her own

Lulu16, that’s so sad. It’s really hard, isn’t it. These are difficult times.

When I take my dog for a walk , I chat , at distance, to other
walkers.
When I go to the supermarket , I chat, at distance with
other shoppers, the cashdesk person, the lady in the chemist
etc
I wear a mask now when I'm out.
Sometimes it can help to imagine its you being the demanding family member and use a strategy that could
help them and safeguard yourself

This is your mother, warts and all, asking for help,
try imagining your son doing this to you in 30 years time.
Compassion shouldn't be reserved solely for those with the virus.

Usually, about once a week, I arrange to meet up with my daughter in the park when she takes her 10-year old for his exercise. We never come close to each other, probably at least 3 metres apart at all time, but she walks, lad runs, and I trundle (mobility scooter) round the park, admire the flowers, look at the fist and watch the birds and squirrels.
In one, particularly quiet area my daughter will sit down on a bench for 15 whilst the boy goes off for a really active run around. I sit on my scooter a goo distance from her. The 10-year old understands that he must also stay well away from me
Must say, I really look forward to these strange meet-ups and the chat we can have. Living by myself (which I thoroughly enjoy in normal times), just being able to chat in this way is so lovely.
More difficult with a 18 month old child. Perhaps you should go by yourself and have this arrangement with your Mum, but point out to her that you must remain well apart at all times, and it can only be done about once a week.
Not surprised the Mum is so depressed with everything that is happening. Have always maintained that whereas most people will survive this virus, many of those will end up with severe on-going mental health issues.

Look at fish not fist!!! Should check and read before I post

Totally agree. Not just for you , but her too . Some older people just aren't getting it .

Hi there. Awful situation to be in but you couldn’t forgive yourself if it caused you or her or worse still your little child to get sick. My mum doesn’t like FaceTime but we do it once a week but speak 2/3 times a day. I know I’m lucky especially as she’s a very healthy and savy woman. Don’t let her make you do something you know is wrong think of the bigger picture.

Don't give in to pressure or manipulation. The advice is to stay away. You may start an expectation and that will make it worse.

Hi, I totally empathise with this predicament.
My mother is considerably older, lives alone and has lots of underlying health issues. She is just recovering from an infection which knocked her off her legs and all I could do was phone as I am also shielding. I did, admittedly, drive to her house one evening as she had forgotten to place the telephone receiver back in its place after speaking to her so I couldn’t get an answer. On that occasion I stood at the front door, well away from her.
It’s. all very well saying “face time her like everyone else” but my mother doesn’t even have internet connection, let alone any gadgets or the knowledge to use them.
Some people don’t appreciate the seriousness of this sort of mental health issue and not everyone feels able to seek professional help, especially during these challenging times.
I always think, “...there but for the grace of God go I” !
It’s impossible not to feel guilty. I am sole carer for my mother as my only sibling lives at the other end of the country. It seems that one person often shoulders the majority of the burden, even if it’s mainly the burden of guilt!

No, the law says you can't. I am sure your mother won't cope well with a visit from police if she's already stressed.

Right now you have the perfect excuse for NOT meeting her.

Stick to it.

Is your husband only concerned about coronavirus, or are there other reasons why he won't have your mother to stay.

Obviously, she can't come to stay with you right now.

I agree with the others who say she sounds depressed, but you probably can't get her to do anything about that.

Cplj
The majority on here have posted positive comments please don’t let those who haven’t upset you. You asked for advice not a lecture about how to bring your son up! I’ve had three (including twins) and remember the trying times vividly I am only slightly older than your mum and miss my DC and DGC desperately but I would definitely not put any pressure on them into seeing me. My ethos is at the end of all this when hopefully we are all ok and healthy that is reward enough for the down days we all have now. Think of yourself, husband and son and don’t allow yourself to be pressured into conforming to her wishes. Explain to her it’s not that you don’t love her it’s that you want to keep everyone safe including her. It’s not forever there is a light at the end of the tunnel we just can’t see it yet.
Take care x