Husband not seeing red traffic lights

He is risking his life, your life, and other road users, so he must get his eyes tested. You should refuse to be a passenger with him until it is sorted.

I have recently retired from NHS and worked for a Moorfields eyes hospital. Colourblindness can come on as you get older. Also your eyes can deteriorate or be affected by medication.
You are using a computer. So find some quick tests for him to do online. Make a game or joke about not being able to do them yourself. See how he gets on. Then if still worried get him checked out.

A friend's husband was suffering the early stages of vascular dementia, and she told friends that he was getting 'confused' at roundabouts and unsure of where he was going, but didn't like to talk to him about it as his car was important to him. We were extremely worried about this, and one friend asked her how she might feel if he killed someone and she would have to live with the knowledge that she was partly responsible.
Fortunately this blunt statement resulted in his giving up driving. Sadly you situation is just the same as your husband needs to address this urgently - please help him.

YOU are being so incredibly irresponsible. HOW DARE YOU put the lives of others at risk. You should have done something the VERY FIRST time this happened. My life was changed forever by an irresponsible driver. I'm only here to tell the tale because by chance I was driving my late husband's 4x4. It was written off, years of pain, walking sticks, 3 operations but I will never be able to kneel or run again. Go and get the keys now and tell him he is not driving any more before he kills an innocent person. This is not a matter of negotiation. He can have them back only if the doctor says it's safe.

You have to explain to him that if he is involved in an accident his insurance will be void. If asked for his account what's going to be his defence: he either acted deliberately or didn't see the red light. He has to take responsibility and stop driving until he has his eyesight checked.

I’m wondering if he could be showing signs of early Altzheimers?
My husband developed this, and one of the first signs was a general unawareness when driving. A visit to the GP may be your first call.

Eye problem licence has to be revoked it is illegal to drive with defective eye sight, if someone is injured or killed insurance would be void.

Either his mind is wandering and he’s loosing concentration or like other have said he needs an eye test. Boots has remained open so he could get in there or I heard opticians remained open also.

Definitely needs an eye test - he may either be colour blind (which I think he would already be aware of) or may have other eye conditions such a cataracts, glaucoma (that results in tunnel vision) , or Age related macular degeneration where the central vision is lost.
If he takes medication and it's been changed recently, it could be it has affected his vision.

I think you already know you need to stop him driving , I can’t believe it’s been going on for 6 months! I would be so worried that he would cause an accident, he obviously is concerned but not as concerned as he should be or he would have done something long before now, please get him to have an eye test, I personally wouldn’t let him drive until this is done, he’s a danger to everyone

Tell him you know he has always been an excellent driver and you know he won't want to ruin his record by ignoring something that might be easily fixed and then hand him his appointment to see the optician. It could be something as simple as cataracts which can fade colours. When my Mum had them she used to knit the most garish cardigans and get really upset when we used to turn up our noses at the colours. After she had her ops to remove them, she couldn't believe how awful they were!

This is NOT a subject for "discussion". There are times when we have to do what is right, regardless of the consequences. No man or woman wants to hang up their car keys, but it's nothing to do with what anyone wants to do, it's a case if doing what is right, not burying your head in the sand. Do you drive?

Hide the car keys immediately.
Frog march him the the opticians as soon as you possibly can, and go with him to ensure the colour thing is addressed.
Don't wait until he kills you/himself/random stranger.

Sorry to say it, but the most likely explanation is inattention due to onset of one or other form of dementia. An eye test is always worth having, but it will not pick up dementia, just possibly eliminate one possible explanation for missing red lights. The fact that he goes quiet probably means he is having some doubts himself. I served as a patient/public involvement member on a panel of medics and other clinical and DVLA representatives to draw up a set of recommendations to doctors and clinicians to develop a protocol for just such situations. The protocol was adopted nationally by all the relevant organisations. You are asking the question because you are uneasy. It might be something else, but please don't ignore it. I've been there - I'll be thinking of you. research.ncl.ac.uk/driving-and-dementia/consensusguidelinesforclinicians/

Thank you, dillyduck

I am amazed how this is not seen as a matter of public safety and how you have to tiptoe around OP's dh to make him understand.

6 months driving in these conditions! OP and OP's are so lucky nothing major happened.

If a person like OP's dh has an accident, with people around him knowing he no longer has the skills to do so and my family/car is affected, I would sue them so bad. They are being so irresponsible.

There is a future tragedy that can be prevented.

It is the same case as alcoholics driving while intoxicated.
If you don't have the skills, step away from the wheel.
Think how you affect others

I think you must stop him driving just now as quite frankly he could kill someone. I would explain your concern to him and point out that he doesn't want to kill a child or end up in prison due to something which may be easily rectified. As said before get eye check done and then if that is ok I do think you need to consider inattention is due to some mental health issue and then see the gp. Unfortunately sometimes gps will not tell people to stop driving even when the evidence is that they should. You are in the best position to observe and take action to stop him driving even if it is an incredibly hard move. I know from experience that often spouses are reluctant if they don't drive themselves as this restrict freedom. But it must be looked at urgently.

Lollypolly.... what! My husband was hitting kerbs every time he turned a corner, I begged him to get an eye test... he wouldn’t ....I hid his car keys , he had another set cut... I hid those.... massive row ensued,and I mean massive. He sold the car while I was at work next day ,without telling me. Finially had eye test and turns out he has almost no peripheral vision. At one time he actually said to me that thy kept ‘ moving the kerbs’. You know it’s the right thing to do. So do it NOW before that 3 year old is stood on the crossing!!

I knew it would mean hardship as I don’t drive... you do, so do it !

Woah!! All of you blaming this lady for being a partner in crime!! Stop. I can tell you. In 1979 my dad had a stroke which paralysed him on his right side. He was only 56 and still working. He fought back and insisted on driving again, but he should not have, because when he changed gear there was no control and he refused to have a modified vehicle as "there was nothing wrong with him". My poor mum feared for her life, but didn't drive herself. I was their only child and lived 40 miles away. She wrote me a heartfelt letter begging for help as she simply wasn't strong enough to stop him, emotionallyor physically. We swung into action getting advice and even called the police to discuss it. They were not interested, as they couldn't act unless he hurt someone!! In the end my only way forward was for me to report him to the DVLA. Can you even imagine how I felt? The DVLA asked him to go for a medical and he knew finally that the chips were down. He tearfully handed the keys of his car to me, which made me feel 50 times worse than I already did, as he never knew until his death that it was ME who "shopped" him. Yes, I don't need to be told I saved lives, including theirs, and I did the "right thing" but it doesn't mean for one minute this wasn't one of the hardest things I ever had to do in my life. In sectet. I effectively took my dad's life away anyway. Please don't put the blame on this lady as some kind of "accessory" as it is devastatingly difficult to get a good outcome without being emotionally drained in the process. We all know what we "should" do but try living with the consequences. Not all men will admit to the time being right to give up and will fight you to the death.
The police don't want to know and there is no support out there. So have a heart!

Flygirl,

What if OP's dh and OP are driving the car that kills your gc?
How would you feel?

Flygirl please don’t beat yourself up over what you had to do. The illness took your Dads life, not you.
Better that you told the DVLA than something awful happening, then you would have had a terrible weight on your conscience.

My husband did this once early last year and I immediately had a serious talk to him about it. He was feeling depressed because of my bad illness prognosis and said he would be quite happy not to drive again. At that time with me unable to drive due to medication and needing to be at the hospital regularly we talked it through and he agreed he would carry on for the time being. We then bought a new SUV and went down to one car instead of two. He loves the new car and hasnt had a problem since.
Please take the keys away NOW and dont let him drive until he has seen a doctor or optician and has been given the all clear to drive. It might be something simple to sort out.

GPs are usually doing phone consultations, just now, and may be easier to contact than an optician.

Yes, I don't need to be told I saved lives, including theirs, and I did the "right thing" but ......

Whatever the 'but' is in this sentence, it shrivels into insignificance compared to 'saved lives'.

You need to get this dealt with, Lollypolly.

I have three beautiful and beloved grandchildren.If they were run over by your husband could you live with yourself and could he?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.