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Missing my baby granddaughter feeling hopeless

(136 Posts)
granAnnie Fri 22-May-20 08:33:23

I'm reaching out for some connection because I'm struggling for hope. I live in Scotland and my daughter, her husband, and my now 8 month granddaughter live in England. She is my first grandbaby. I work full-time and was there helping for her birth and regular trips to see her. I last saw her in March before lockdown, where I held her in my arms. I knew, then, that it may be some time before I see her again.

Elizabeth1 Sat 23-May-20 13:55:46

granannie I feel for you and your baby grandaughterflowers. I too live in Scotland most of my grandchildren live in England and I have two wee cuties who live up north of Scotland. We FaceTime each family at regular times somehow I think the younger boys aren’t really interested in just chatting so I’m always thinking of an interactive project to involve them having fun times. Today my DH and I bought some baby plants and let our grandchildren choose their own one where they were measured and we’ll do so again in a few days time. They seemed to enjoy this interaction and I’ll be pleased to hear of any more we can try out from you lovely Gransnet ladies I look forward to hearing of your innovative interactive games suitable for 6 yr olds upwards to 11yr olds we’ve had a stint of the virtual shop and this went down a treat. smile

sarahanew Sat 23-May-20 14:23:34

Ah, it is so hard to not see our loved ones and normal to let it get to us sometimes. Good to share how you feel. You will get to see your daughter again and meet your grandchild, but the uncertainty of knowing when or for how long is very difficult sometimes to cope with. You have to remain positive, but sometimes that takes so much mental energy. Lots of video calling will help. And I'm sure you daughter is taking loads of photos and sending you. Not ideal, but we don't live in an ideal world and it's the best we can do in these circumstances

Barbs1 Sat 23-May-20 14:27:46

Aw bless you. Totally relate to your feelings. I’m in lockdown on my own, off work as am vulnerable. My only grandson is 18 months old today and pre-lockdown I was caring for him 2 days per week. My son and partner live 13 miles away and I did see him through the car window the other day when my son popped over for a chat on the drive. He was asleep thankfully, but god do I miss our cuddles and laughter we have had before all this. But I try to say to myself he is safer this way and my son too but so long for the day when things get back to near normal

BoBo53 Sat 23-May-20 14:40:08

Our grandchildren are a little older 10, 8 & 5. As the weeks go by the photos, phone calls and face timing seems to be getting less, almost as if they are getting on with their lives without us. It's heart breaking going from hands on grandparents to almost an irrelevance.

quizqueen Sat 23-May-20 14:40:23

One evening you can't see grandchildren and the next day Boris will say that oh it's okay for families to be together now, which is the most ridiculous situation that people in this country have accepted as normal behaviour!

paddyanne Sat 23-May-20 14:44:31

if its OK for Cummings.....

Lulubelle500 Sat 23-May-20 14:44:33

I'm definitely in the minority here. I love my two grandsons to bits, (and my lovely daughters in law) but it's my sons I'm missing during this time. They come to chat at the end of my front path but it's not the same. We're a very close family, with frequent meals together, but the last few months seem to be endless!

ninjalouise Sat 23-May-20 15:46:37

Cried all night last night with the pain of not seeing my 2 year old only granddaughter for nearly 3 months. I usually have her every tuesday. My daughter is struggling . I am struggling. We have had a non attended funeral for my father and the separation is getting harder. Where oh where is the light at the end of the tunnel.....

grabba Sat 23-May-20 15:53:25

My children only stay a short journey from me and the youngest grandchild has gone from 'I am a tiny baby aren't I the cutest' to rolling over, sitting up unaided and eating finger foods.
We all need to acknowledge this is difficult and we are all hurting then go back to brave face mode.

Jishere Sat 23-May-20 16:23:15

How have we accepted anything Boris has said as normal behaviour, Quizqueen? From a personal point of view I distance myself from my parents to keep them safe. Seeing my grandchildren is up to my daughter when she feels ready although slightly impossible at a distance when they are so young. For me it isn't about accepting it's always been keeping everyone as safe as possible especially those I love.

As for Cummings I only hope he hasn't passed the virus on to others on his journey. That is another idiot: do as I say and not as I do.

Jishere Sat 23-May-20 16:30:04

Ninjalouise sending a virtual big hug to you. It is tough and crying is better than bottling your feelings up. Are you having to self isolate?

JaneNJ Sat 23-May-20 16:35:44

To Katyj,
Your remark, unintended, was insensitive to all those who have children overseas. To assume parents who have already been through this when their kids originally left, are accustomed to the distance, is a fallacy.
They repeatedly suffer these feelings continuously with each and every milestone and event—when their children left, when their children had children, with every birthday/holiday and with every visit and goodbye. The truth is that as soon as they adjust, it reappears. It is an irreplaceable loss that comes and goes.
And to all those experiencing this pain from distance, my sympathies. You will get through it and there is no other way to avoid the sadness. However, there will hopefully come a time when life actually resumes to a sense of “normalcy”.

maddyone Sat 23-May-20 17:11:48

I’m confused, has Boris said it’s okay to see your family now? I don’t watch the daily briefings, too depressing.
I wouldn’t have thought he’d have said that yet.

Camdengirl Sat 23-May-20 17:14:22

There is not much that I can add to all the wise comments given here except to say that I feel for you, I'm in a very similar position... Stay strong, it's hard but worth it to keep them safe. There are many thousands of Lockdown babies and we will be able to tell them how much we missed them if we all stay safe

Bluecat Sat 23-May-20 17:16:31

I understand the feeling. I want to hold my newest granddaughter, born during lockdown, and hug her big sisters. On the other hand, I have had to get used to never being able to cuddle my other grandkids who live 4,000 miles away. You can get used to anything.

As for Dominic Cummings, his excuse is that he had to go back to his family in case his child needed care. He must be a real Billy No Mates if he didn't know one person in London who would help him out.

maddyone Sat 23-May-20 17:17:37

ninjalouise
I’m so sorry you’re struggling so much. It’s a difficult time isn’t it? flowers

maddyone Sat 23-May-20 17:26:07

My daughter and her family are now thinking of emigrating again. They’ve thought about it before but it’s reared it’s head again during this pandemic. They are both medics and feel they’d be appreciated more and have a better work life balance in NZ. I don’t want them to go, taking their three gorgeous children with them, and leaving only our son’s child here for us to see regularly, but if they feel it’s right I don’t blame them. I certainly think doctors have a better work life balance abroad. This pandemic has brought this up again as the long shifts, and endless directives coming down from the Dept of Health have made life very difficult for them. They no longer have us to do the childcare and we can’t help them really at all ( we do some of their laundry as they’re so busy, and that’s all we can do.)

CazB Sat 23-May-20 17:43:39

I feel for you granAnnie. My granddaughter was born just before lockdown, and like you I helped a lot in the early weeks and miss her dreadfully. We all know that there are people in far worse situations than us, but it still helps to voice how we are feeling to friends. Better times will come and we'll be with our grandchildren again.

Maremia Sat 23-May-20 17:44:02

So hard for everyone, especially as it is taking so long to be able to lift the lockdown, and make it safe to set us free. If the Government had put the same ring of protection around Care Homes, as they are now doing around Dominic Cummings, what a difference that would have made.

Babyshark Sat 23-May-20 19:10:27

When I returned to work after my first baby, she had spent so much time with all grandparents (who were doing some childcare) that she waved me off and couldn’t wait to be spoilt by her Nanny and grandad.

I’m on maternity leave with my second, due to return to work at the end of August and honestly my baby has massively missed out on that bond and feeling of familiarity. It makes me sad for her.

The point of this is to say the heart ache goes both ways and as nice as all the technology is, it doesn’t make up for the lack of physical contact. The positive out of all of this is that I recognise how vital and unique grandparents are to my girls and il never take that for granted.

I sent my mum a meme last week that said “I’m sick of babysitting my mums grandchildren” grin my way of saying you can have them as long as you like as soon as it’s allowed.

flowers to all the grandparents missing out on cuddles from their precious grandchildren.

emilie Sat 23-May-20 19:31:31

we are all in the same boat.These threads are beyond boring.

Pippa22 Sat 23-May-20 20:15:32

This post and the replies is so sad. There is so much love on this site and everyone is feeling the same and being really supportive although MawB does sound a bit matter of fact about it all. This is an amazingly difficult time for most of us and to have like minded people we can open up to is really useful and healthy. Keep strong ( most of the time ) I have promised my grandsons such a big hug it might hurt when it is allowed !

Mistyfluff8 Sat 23-May-20 20:34:52

You can be their nanny now since rules relaxed I can look after 3children but not hug my own grandchildren (it’s a ridiculous situation ) Lots of phone calls videos as 9month old granddaughter said dada got the first time .If Donald Cummings cabdrivers 260 miles when I’ll for childcare why can’t we?

EthelJ Sat 23-May-20 21:34:06

I know how you feel. We saw my grandchildren about twice a week since lockdown but haven't seen them now for 10 weeks. The youngest is just 2. We spoke to her on video today she said 'me go Granny and Grandads house.' it broke our hearts. It's impossible to explain to such a young child why she can't come.
It's a horrible situation and at the moment I don't see an end to it.

namaste Sat 23-May-20 22:25:47

Hi just to let you know you are not alone, a very strong person my self talking to my daughter in - law this evening she was taking me through all my youngest granddaughter had done I broke down in tears, my sons children often come to stay as only half hr away have 5 grandchildren in all like many when can I give them a big hugs ??