Missing my baby granddaughter feeling hopeless

Hi GranAnnie, I feel the same, my 3rd grandson was born in January and I haven’t held him for ages. Get a Portal from Facebook, it is not the same but at least they can see you and you can have some contact with them albeit virtual. My daughter-in-law sends regular little videos and while this is tearing my heart apart, at least I feel a little bit involved with him. My other two grandchildren are older so at least I can video talk to them. This time is so hard for everyone but little face time calls do help a little bit. Hope some of this is useful x

Isn't it hard? I ache to hug my DGC; my children too although they are adults. I have seen my DD, who lives nearby, and we sat in the garden; I wanted to walk over to her and give her a cuddle as she is having a hard time for many reasons, and felt such frustration at keeping apart.

Keep the chin up - we have come through these weeks, done as we have been told, and I hope you can make up the missing time with your lovely new baby soon. xx

Many of us are sad in similar ways. We have to be optimistic. It will not be long before there are quick tests for 'are you infected' - then I'm hoping we can meet our dearests having all first got 'OK' from the tests. Fingers crossed and hugs to us all.

I have to say I am with Mawb on this one. Having a lifechanging and life limiting condition I see things through a very different light these days.

I don't think I know anyone who, after all this time, hasn't had a 'wobble' at some time. And the longer it goes on, the more frequent they get. Sometimes you just need to write it down or talk about it to get those feelings out. I just hate it though when instead of empathising, some people have to go one better, i.e. 'I'm worse off than you!' or worse still 'Gran up!' I wish people wouldn't be so nasty.

Dear all as difficult as this situation is some of us have had to cope with not seeing their grand children regularly as a fact of life. I adore my two now 15 and 12 but as I live 200 miles away and the family are always busy I have been lucky if I have seen them 4 timeS A YEAR! Various reasons. But let me reassure everyone that doesn’t mean the bonds can’t be strong. We rarely use FaceTime I phone about every 2 Weeks and I write a letter to them every two Months. I have desperately missed not seeing them over the years but I know they love me and I love them. Resilience is definitely the key as is finding lots of things to do to keep busy yourself. I now also have a 7 month baby grandson who I haven’t seen since early March, he too is 200 miles away ( youngest son). I have missed not having a cuddle but know that the bond will be there. I do sympathise as I know what it’s like to miss your grand children, for many of you once lockdown is lifted it will be resolved for me it won’t. But such is life xx

granAnnie, you don't say how near to retirement age you are. Would it be possible to move near to your daughter once you retire or even before that if you could find work? As we get older it is great to be near family if possible though I realise that isn't the case for everyone. Then you could perhaps be thinking of the future instead of dwelling on the awful situation we're all currently in. If you missed out on the first couple/few years of the little one's life you could make up for it later on. I didn't see my GS much for the first 2 years because he didn't live near me. But my DD moved closer to me and I have been helping to bring him up for the past 10 years which has been wonderful. It's my guess that some caravan/holiday parks may open later in the summer. Perhaps there is one near your DD where you could stay and see the little one even if it's only at a distance. I know I'd feel just like you do and send you my very best wishes.

I feel for you so much, we just have to trust things will get better soon and make the most of FaceTime etc. It’s certainly not easy and I’m so sorry ? I try to keep very busy and keep in touch with my outside world, keep talking. .......yes those old chestnuts!! ?

Thank you granAnnie for sharing this today and to all you other grans. I too have woken up today having a blue day about missing my first grandchild who is nearly 8 months! And as a mental health worker in the NHS myself feel it is absolutely okay and essential to share with others when we are having a low day especially when living alone! So thank you and everyone for sharing your experiences that has enabled me to feel less isolated with my thoughts and feelings today!

It’s okay to be not okay in these very challenging times for us all, whatever our circumstances and differences it is so important to feel able to express these feelings freely and to feel heard and understood and in turn as you have GranAnnie helped a lot of us feel understood.

I find this Gransnet so helpful since becoming a Nana one recent idea that I tried was reading my first book to my grandson via Zoom I bought the same book and with my son holding open the book and turning the pages as I was reading was a wonderful experience and a way of our little ones recognising our voices , so grateful for technology!
Take good care all

I do feel for you GranAnnie, but i have 8 grandchildren i am missing terribly, only 3 live near me (still a drive away) and i still am keeping away from them- and i implore you, IF and WHEN you could go all that way to see them please DONT stay at their house! Not till theres a vaccine for everyone! (That would be unsafe for them and you, especially as you work in NHS!) You dont HAVE to stay at her house, and im sure it would be unsafe to do so until such a time theres a readily available vaccine.(im sure you know that as youre in NHS!) Please think safety! And I dont often agree with MawB but, today i do- she did NOT say your feelings were invalid! And i do think shes speaking sense in that we all need to be unselfish and more mature, and get on with things, and yes im missing my own GC, and have a new GD due soon,which in all probability i wont get to see in person till shes a few months old at least,only a few photos or facetimes, but at least, as MawB said, we have something to look forward to- unlike some poor souls who have lost family, young and old- so Buck Up ladies! And look forward!

And yes it IS ok to be a bit blue,and to express that- but we have to get a grip also,and not let ourselves slip too far down, things are bad still at the moment, but we have to hold on to theres to be better days ahead- still lots to look forward to- we are still here! And we owe it our beloved Children& grandchildren to be their rock in these unwieldy times.we mustn't go under. For all our sakes.

It makes me furious that Dominic Cummings & the government has made a mockery of this by his selfish actions.

I agree Jefm- most of mine are 72 miles away and i see them about easter,once in summer hols,half term maybe,not always, and just before xmas,to take gifts, unless they can come to me- but with parents working, and various kids activities & hobbies its difficult- sometimes i can make it for birthdays,but not always as i dont drive,its been a bit easier since one of my sons still at home learned to drive 2yrs ago,but has to be when he can take me due to his studies. (all before lockdown) i dont often see the 3 near me as much as id like due them being busy too! I understand what you mean. I too have just rang them but we chat and i usually take at least one of them on holidays with me.(it was youngest's very first turn this year - shes 6) but it was shutdown& cancelled so we're both very dissapointed!) But its not all roses even in regular times.

All I can say is that not to worry. Your GD will bond with you whatever her age!
My parents did not get to see my son until he was one as I lived in Australia at the time. In particular, my son adored my dad right up until the time that we both sat with dad when he passed away.
Children are a lot more flexible than we think. I believe that it doesn't matter how much or how little time is spent with them, show them love and a bit of patience and they will respond

I completely understand that a lot of people are separated from their grandchildren, and that it's not easy for anyone living through this awful crisis.

Nevertheless, if someone reaches out to say that she is feeling sad, it is not remotely helpful to point out to her that others have it worse, or that in some sort of hierarchy of pain, she is not at the top of it.

I was brought up like that - I was always being told about the poor children somewhere, or that my twisted ankle (or whatever) was as nothing compared to a broken leg, and at least I could walk, unlike the poor children who had had polio.

It took me until later adulthood to learn to own my own feelings, and to allow myself to just accept that I was sad, or felt ill, or was hurting, and that that was ok. I had a right to feel as I felt, however much someone else might be feeling worse on some subjective scale of pain.

I tried very hard to let my own children tell me about what they felt, and resist the temptation to belittle those feelings, and I hope I avoided repeating the past at least most of the time. There is no point, anyway - people feel what they feel, and adding resentment at having those feelings diminished will only make them feel worse.

I really don't mean for this to come out as some sort of lecture, and I apologise if it sounds that way (I think it might). It's just something that triggers all those feelings I had as a child that I was wrong to be anything but happy (or at worst, stoical) and that my real feelings had to be suppressed in case they annoyed other people.

After nine weeks I do think people are beginning to wonder how we will ever break out of this isolation. Particularly us over 70's. I am so sorry for you all not seeing the new and small babies. For the first time I am hoping to distance meet with my son today or tomorrow it doesn't feel real. I think small children are better on FaceTime or whatever than the older ones, our nine year old GS rushes by waves, says hello and disappears.

Well said Doodledog

I agree. Excellent post, Doodledog.

As soon as you are together again, it will be as it was but that more precious. Your granddaughter will not even remember it. The end is within sight.

Prior to lockdown I watched my 4th grandbaby 4 days a week. My daughter had just given birth to my 5th grandbaby and I was lucky enough to see her twice. My husband died on the 29th of December after a 5 year battle with dementia. Lockdown has been very lonely for me as it has been for others. I ache to see my family again (FaceTime is wonderful) but in scotland we haven’t even gone into phase 1 yet. Even then there will be no hugging. I can’t see an end to this anytime soon and it’s getting harder to stay positive. I am a resilient lady but I think, like all of us here, something needs to give soon. I’m hoping the vaccine is the answer.

Awww take care and just get through the best you can. Thats what the groups for to vent a bit and to support each other.

I feel for you granAnnie. It being your 1st must make it even harder. Last time I held our GS he was most definitely a baby. Now he is sitting up unaided, eating solids, rolling over etc etc etc. We are fortunate that sometimes we see him and his parents from a very safe distance, but mostly on video chats. It's hard but it is what it is. Your feelings are completely valid.

Spot on Doodledog, I couldn’t agree more, brilliant post.

Or Year off if they find out what the antibodies are and have knowledge why it effects some and not everyone! We might be a bit freer.
Sorry to hear of your loss.
It is hard being on your own. I love my video chats with family.I hope you have found something to occupy your time with. If online there is alot of things going on. This week I joint Gareth Malones choir as another Gransnet Rosalyn mentioned it. It makes me feel upbeat when I'm singing, although sure neighbours think I have a cat now? Take care and keep strong allx

How I agree with you Isabella . After the surprise late arrival of GC number 22 in late 2018 I saw him when he was 4 weeks old. Six weeks later I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer with metasteses to my spine and pelvis. So with treatment I have not been able to visit England see any of my family. That little chip's daddy is a cancer specialist and is overwhelmed with work so sending photos isnt a priority at the moment. But I have heard him chatter on the phone. It's heartbreaking when I get messages on Messenger from my almost 16 year old autistic grandson saying how much he is missing me. But I have had to Gran up and hope for better times.