Upsetting friends

Thanks everyone. The invitation was to a luncheon in his garden, with one other couple which strictly speaking falls within the guidance from government. Ok. But we , like many of you, prefer to limit the interaction with others to just our daughters and their families. Ie two other families in our bubble. However safe everyone feels they are, we should all respect other people’s opinions at this stressful time. I’m sure we would all be safe.....I hope....but for now better safe than sorry. I’d rather miss this lunch than end up missing a friend permanently. X

Report the host to the police for incitement to crime.

Oh just tell him you're in the shielded category and if he asks why tell him you'd rather keep that private

I'm glad you're not going to give in and go, alijane.
You're right to be cautious.
I expect your friend has been longing for some company and felt he had permission for it, at last.
He needs to accept your reasons, tho, if he's really a friend.

Tell them you will be there in spirit but reasons that you don't wish to disclose mean you can't. I wonder whether they are having difficulties with their other guests and are feeling lonely mean that they are being more pushy.

Well I’m afraid OP was perhaps economical in how she presented her dilemma.
It was not a gathering in a house, it was not an illegal number of people and it was simply OP’s preference not to go.
I would never advocate lying - pretending one is shielding if one is not, and certainly not pretending one is Covid positive - that is crying wolf!
If you are not happy to go, then say so, don’t hide behind excuses - there are enough people out there with valid reasons not to go out who would give their eye teeth to be able to.
Just be honest.

Alijane, with the advice being to take your own food - it's not worth going anyway. Don't be nagged into it!

Weigh up the consequences of each option.
1. You politely decline the invitation citing health concerns and government guidelines. There are several nicely phrased responses already posted.

Worst thing that can happen - you miss a gathering of friends. There will be others.

2. You and others in the group decide to go.
Worst thing that can happen - one or several members fall ill with Covid 19. Some are very seriously ill given the high risk age group and various comorbidities and some may die.

Lockdown is not forever. Covid 19 often is. Not really such a big decision.

Good for you alijane. Several of my neighbours decided two months ago, that having isolated for two weeks, it was safe to meet up. I am currently in their bad books because I am continuing to isolate. I’d rather be, in their words “silly”, than sick. alijane. If you accepted the pressurised invitation, you would worry for the next two weeks. Remember the campaign “Just say no”.

As it says on a sign outside a church in the USA
‘ Better to be 6 feet apart than 6 feet under’

If someone is a real friend they will understand.

Of course you’re not wrong. But why not suggest that you join the group by Zoom?

Hi, I am just home from hospital. I contracted sepsis ( source unknown) Covid negative but similar symptoms believe it or not ! My point is ... this virus is still among us. We need to put our health above all else full stop. Things WILL go back to normal at some point. Believe me, to see docs/nurses/ support staff all wearing surgical masks, to have to stringently wipe down loo every time I used it ( also cleaned by hosp staff ) brought the seriousness of this situation to the forefront of my mind !!!
All this was in a COVID FREE hospital. I was in a bay with three other patients. Tested on admission but there’s that unknown in between period where everyone is vulnerable . I did everything I could to keep myself Covid free , missed holidays, birthdays , unable to travel to elderly mother. I’m so glad I did. Being hospitalised with Covid must be terrifying.
Please go with your gut instinct and refuse this invitation. This virus is still very much out there and yes in all probability your isolating friends are all probably ok, but do not be swayed into doing something that u are not comfortable about .

Personally, I think these very strict rules are fairly illogical now when there are so many anomalies, such as allowing a cleaner into a house, some children going to school, people going to the shops or further afield - and the shops will be opening soon and possibly pubs with gardens.

Having said that, if people feel very nervous about social contact then it should be respected and this man shouldn't really put you all in this difficult position when you have already said you want to wait.

There is always a choice about which, if any, risks you personally want to take.

I was invited for a 'garden chat' but I know that the people go shopping every week (although they say they're 'isolating') so just said 'No thanks'.

They would probably offer food and drink, too. I'd be worried about virus contamination - so no fun to be had!

In the face of illogical rules, we have to make our own decisions, as Hetty says.

Zoom is really popular. One friend has a paid account and lets me use it to host a family quiz night which is great. And I belong to a group which would have been mothballed without Zoom. It has allowed us all to discuss our interests and keep in touch. I have the free version which is good for a half hour chat..

Im sorry to be blunt but you have to have think about yourself and how save are you going to be I had to speak to my doctor yesterday and I ask her about my shielding she just said people have to think how high a risk they are because next week does not apply to all then she said I am going to phone you in 4 weeks about your medication and we will discuss your shielding again then that's the middle of july I thought I would be ok for next week but I am not so please think about are you going to be safe

tell him you value your health more than risking mixing with others for a while. suggest a picnic in the park....(social distancing)

Can't you all meet in the garden?