Grandchikdren

I always remind my two when birthdays are approaching so they've no excuse for forgetting. We don't see family much as they're all far away. Mine don't send presents I don't think but I told family not to send presents/money to them anymore once they passed 21.

Invite them for tea! But if sheilding send a note saying you love them and would like to know how they are all getting on.

What’s DC ?

In my family we traditionally gave gifts until children reached 21. After that I only received a gift from parents and my brother within the family. We were never expected to buy gifts for grandparents but after I left university and was working I started to get small gifts for my grandparents at Christmas. I don't think I even knew when their birthdays were until the significant ones came round and there were big celebrations when they reached 80.
I think every family has their own traditions and it needs to be encouraged by parents if GC are to recognise GPs birthdays. Mine didn't so although I chose to buy at Christmas I know my brother didn't. Incidentally my brother has dropped pretty much all family gifts over the years and I now only get a card from him at birthday and Christmas! My ex H found it very odd as his family were much bigger present givers and we continued to get gifts from his Aunts and Uncles after we were married whereas my wider family didn't buy anything for us as the age 21 rule applied!
I'm sure your GC don't mean to be hurtful, just perhaps a bit thoughtless. I'm glad my adult children keep in touch with their only remaining GP though they don't see her often as they live a long way away.

Unfortunately, it all sounds very normal. I was really close to my granny...but probably needed prompting to think of her as I got older. You don’t say how old they are, but I imagine they’re branching out doing all the exciting things we did as we went into teens perhaps. Don’t read too much into it. It’s the same with our children isn’t it? You’re hopefully close when they’re little, you enjoy every minute. Then there’s a gap, where they just think of themselves. Then hopefully...they’ll return, and you’ll be close again. Just be pleased you were close when they were young. Some grandparents never have that.

What’s DC and DGC. ?

Dear child.....Dear Grandchild

or children....grandchildren

I think it’s a reflection of our culture sadly. As we age, we are pushed to the sidelines. We don’t live in extended family units on the whole. GC grow up, move away and, or, do their own thing and part of that seems to be not acknowledging special days for grandparents. Judging from my own family, they still love you but somehow...they just expect you to be there and yet not be involved in their lives or them in yours. I have this to come but I recall the hurt of my own mother as her eldest GC lost contact with her, never remembered her birthday or Christmas and never rang her. When she died, the GC apologised to me saying she was sorry that she had never gone to visit her grandmother. Shame it had to be realised after her death.

Very few people send cards these days, mine keep telling me to stop as they rarely arrive on time due to irregular post and cost so much too. I like cards so still send them but only get few in return on my birthday. We have to accept times are changing. Wonderful when you do hear from you adult grandchildren though I agree.

I think back at home I loved my Mother but basically neglected her. I feel uncomfortable now, but I think being neglected is par for the course.
My eldest and his wife hadn’t seen us for months and it was my birthday last Saturday. They said they would like to visit but didn’t come on Saturday, my birthday. . They came on Sunday and announced another Baby was in the way. They had told oodles of his wife’s relative but kept it secret for 12 weeks. I am not going to waste what is rest of my life sulking. I am living my own life to the full. We love our children a lot more than we love them period.

My 2nd ds never sends cards or gives presents , my 1st ds isn’t in my life anymore. But my dd is very thoughtful, she always makes an effort with everyone and is very generous. Maybe it’s a boy thing. Too busy to be bothered with birthdays. But I agree it’s very hurtful.

I would be slightly hurt too. I dont think it takes much to send a card. Not so much a gift but a bunch of flowers is nice. I think I would suggest a family meal out or an invite for a bbq or similar. I do not have grandchildren yet but going slightly off the thread, my Sons only used to buy me a birthday card, or make one, the same with Mothers day. Now they are married I get cards for every occasion. I was going through my Mums old box of cards and she kept every one right back to her 21st birthday. She kept cards from me as a child, my brother and my two. Every card she received from my Dad were there too. They are both deceased now. Lovely to receive for her, but I felt so guilty about having to throw them out. so they are now in a drawer waiting for my next attempt. Yes it is lovely to receive a card.

Relationships are not about cards and presents. They are about love, connection, listening, conversation, being there when or if needed. These connections may be there on a regular basis or quite infrequently as distance, busy lives, new people in their lives all happen as we hope that they do for our loved ones.

Life moves on and we can just hope that all that love we gave them has helped them to become the independent people they are living their own lives. I think it is a lot about reviewing our own expectations and have fulfilling lives ourselves. ?

Younger people don’t use cards as their currency, everything is online these days - if you are on Facebook, Whatapp etc. you get loads of virtual Birthday love - I don’t think it’s that they’ve forgotten you or don’t care, or are thoughtless, you just have to keep up with the technology they use to stay in touch.

Since lockdown I’ve learnt to use ‘Moonpig’.... they get a card ... you do t have to move from your sofa! I will continue this way with younger generation... I do NOT expect anything in return. They’re kids... and selfish comes naturally to them. When you’re a great-grandma ... they will get back on track. I look back in time to how I thought my gran just as part of the furniture’ ( she lived with us’. But oh how I missed the little things she did when she wasn’t there anymore. We all do it, so try not to be too despondent. It’s enough to know you love them , and would do anything g for them isn’t it. .?

I think that we all were brought up to send thank you letters for any gifts we were given.
I can remember that every year , the day after Boxing Day, we were expected to sit and write thank you letters to our aunts and uncles - and find a nice way to say it when it was something that you hated ( just thinking of a pair of lime green tights from one aunt in my teens!)
I brought my own son to do the same - in fact, often bought him pr printed cards for him to fill in the correct info)
In this day and age, that courtesy has been forgotten.
I have been known to ring my nieces up asking if they got the gifts ok as I either had posted them, or sent them via a third party.
You either have the choice of accepting that you are never going to get a thank you and continue sending gifts or just stop and save your money. Sad, but true.

sharon103, my sentiments entirely. I remind my children that my Mum may be difficult at times but she loves them and misses them. I don't think it hurts to ask them to take a moment out of their day to ring their Nan occasionally or pop in to see her. I rarely have to say anything to my older adult children but the 19 year old is still at the thoughtless phase. It will pass.

I call my children every year to remind them about their grandparents and my partners birthdays. I do it as I know how hurtful it is to be forgotten. Unfortunately I don’t have anyone reminding them about mine, so 9 times out of 10, I didn’t even get a card from my son. Now he is married, his wife has taken charge and I do get one. I tried to be philosophical about it and we did have an ok relationship but it did hurt.

Do they not send a message via facebook? That costs nothing and is just a reminder they have thought of you? Maybe you could mention to your offspring you would love such a message?

I feel your hurt Sparkling. I think we all get hurt at many things involving grandchildren and their parents. Mine are too young yet and get reminded by parents. However I’m more hurt that my daughter-in-law hasn’t bothered with me in Lockdown despite helping her so much with the children since they were born 10 years ago and that I’m on my own. There are some wise words on here and I hope you get comfort from them as I will try to do. x

I don’t expect presents from my grandson, but would be very hurt if I didn’t receive a birthday or Christmas card.

My son has never sent me a card for a birthday or Christmas since he was about 12. Not even after he married eight years ago (I inherited a list of birthday and anniversary dates on my husband's side when I got married and made sure to send cards so sort of expected my dil would do the same) I have always sent money (they preferred that to gifts) on their birthdays and at Christmas and for both my grandchildren too (they are in the USA) but have never had a thank you from the GC - given that my son has now suddenly arrived back in the UK and my daughter in law in the USA has already served divorce papers I do wonder if my grandchildren ever saw the money and perhaps thought I wasn't sending them a gift. My son is asking for my granddaughter to visit the UK in the summer each year for two weeks so I am hoping that we can see her and build a relationship. Sadly my grandson doesn't seem to want to keep in touch with my son (he was from a previous relationship but my son has always regarded him as being his boy and I have always called him my grandson). Just have to wait and see I expect. I live with my other three grandchildren so the situation is different with them.

My wise husband said, “they come back to you, put them on a piece of elastic” . If you think , we are the only animal who doesn’t let their young go ! Fly the nest etc.
Don’t overthink it but definitely do stop the cards and presents!

It is hurtful but that seems to be how they are these days. I would still buy for them but don’t spend as much in the future as it is supposed to be the thought that counts - according to my mam.