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(83 Posts)
Sparkling Thu 16-Jul-20 19:17:28

I was close to all my grandchildren was generous and loved being with them. Since they started buying their own presents I’m not on their list any more, I still buy them one although they are working, but I’m hurt not to get a card or a visit. It’s pointless making a fuss and guilt tripping them, I’m not that sort of person.

midgey Thu 16-Jul-20 19:34:22

But you still mind quite a lot! Afraid it is natural but still sad.

Grammaretto Thu 16-Jul-20 19:48:19

Do your own DC look after you? I never expect anything from my DGC just from the whole family.
Unless you remind them, how would they know when your birthday is?
I tend to invite them to ours when it's my birthday or take them all out so they can't avoid me! Mine are still young though so perhaps I will feel forgotten when they are older.

tanith Thu 16-Jul-20 19:50:32

Its just the way of things I'm afraid, ive found as they get older with families they become more thoughtful and cards or presents resume.

Susan56 Thu 16-Jul-20 20:06:52

My daughters and one of my nieces always send gifts to my mum.One of our nieces and one of our nephews send to my in-laws.The ones who send gifts are the ones who always acknowledge gifts we send.

Nieces and nephews from the same family seem to have different standards when it comes to sending and accepting gifts.

I understand your hurt Sparkling.Personally I think it’s not asking much to send a loved grandparent a card and a gift.

Lolo81 Thu 16-Jul-20 20:29:56

That’s such a sad situation, I’m sorry your feelings are hurt. Do you have a good relationship with your GC? Personally I would only buy gifts/cards for people actually in my life, especially given how expensive things are nowadays.

welbeck Thu 16-Jul-20 20:35:44

i would stop buying them gifts.
it's a pity, but what can you do.
also don't waste your money on fancy cards, they probably have more income than you, and a much easier life than you ever had.
there are many free email cards you can send. they relate more to that anyway. most youngsters never use snail mail.
i 'm not saying ignore them, but don't put yourself out.

Sandycat Thu 16-Jul-20 20:40:16

Yes we give them all our love, just don’t expect it back as a right.

kircubbin2000 Thu 16-Jul-20 20:51:25

I was always close to my gran and phoned and called every week. I noticed at the weekend that my eldest gs went off without a hug or goodbye and realised he had ignored me all afternoon! He did the same with other gran who was with us too.

sharon103 Thu 16-Jul-20 20:54:57

I wouldn't perhaps expect grandchildren to remember birthday dates but I would have expected your adult children ( their parents) to give them a reminder. Especially for a grand parent.
Very hurtful for you I agree.

sodapop Thu 16-Jul-20 21:55:38

It is hurtful I agree sparkling I found this was a stage they went through then as they got older they became more thoughtful.

GagaJo Thu 16-Jul-20 22:58:05

It's why we need to make the most of them when they're little. They get to a stage where they don't really even spend a lot of time with parents, never mind grandparents. It's natural, but sad.

One minute, you're so important to them, the next, they barely remember you. Life can be hard.

Maured Fri 17-Jul-20 08:50:00

It hurts when you have given so much love and care and you feel rejected. If your grandchildren are so thoughtless, I wonder why their parents don’t remind them?
Don’t be hurt in silence. Let them know how you feel, they probably don’t even realise.
Sometimes younger people are so wrapped up in their lives they forget.

polnan Fri 17-Jul-20 08:52:49

that is the way of life, sad to say

life changes, priorities change

all we can do is send out love,,, and hope the Universe sends us some back

deep sighs....

different people,, I am trying very hard to NOT say I can feelhurt that my grown boys, both married don`t contact me more often....

no point, life changes, people change,,,

love sent winging to you

no love smiley down there,,, sorry,,,

luluaugust Fri 17-Jul-20 08:56:47

The giving of cards particularly doesn't seem to happen with the younger generation many wouldn't think of Chr...........either. It is upsetting but another symptom of everything being online.

pennykins Fri 17-Jul-20 08:57:26

So sorry to hear that but it seems to be what happens when grandchildren get older they do not think much about their grandparents because it would normally have been their mother who had bought the cards and presents and not encouraging their children to do it themselves.
I always encouraged my children to keep in contact with their grandmother who they seldom saw but we all always rang her on her birthday and I still used to buy cards for them to send.

Gransing Fri 17-Jul-20 08:58:06

I agree. How old are they?

Coconut Fri 17-Jul-20 09:00:35

Yes, as others say, it is a natural progression when GC become teenagers and find their wings. I still get texts and phone calls but just not daily now. As for birthdays, my 2 girls, I now go away with instead of gifts, last year it was a long weekend in Paris and we were supposed to be in Venice this year. The 3 boys are younger and it was a hotel in Bournemouth, swimming pool etc. If we couldn’t go away I’d take them out to dinner somewhere or a show in London. If you can’t get out, invite them round and do a nice meal. Also, if they do not send you a birthday card there is nothing wrong with gently mentioning this, as most teenagers just presume their parents will send cards and put their names on them.

pintsized Fri 17-Jul-20 09:02:39

Oh Sparkling I’m so sad to hear that

I love my Nanna dearly I see her at least once a week but normally more and speak to her on the phone several times a week I love treating my Nanna on days when it’s not even her birthday I always take her flowers or treat her to her hair done or treat her to some dinner. For her birthdays I always love spoiling her there’s been times in the past when I haven’t had much money but I’d still buy her something you can pick flowers of up for £5

I am a newborn intensive care nurse and also foster so I have a very busy life but I would never not make time for my Nanna so find it sad that other posters think once you grow up you just don’t have time anymore

You sound such a lovely lady too. They’ll regret not spending time with you once they’re no longer able to hope they realise before then 💜

TrendyNannie6 Fri 17-Jul-20 09:05:32

Sadly this is quite common I think, I know once they find their wings lots of things go out of the window, but it would be great if their parents remembered and reminded them, a card at least

Clevedon Fri 17-Jul-20 09:07:56

My DS does not send me cards even on Mother's day and I know it really hurts. I tell him every time but he laughs it off 😔

TanaMa Fri 17-Jul-20 09:10:57

I find I get more birthday messages on social media sites from family and friends. If I want to keep up with them I have had to use more of their mediums than I otherwise would. Find it quite fun but also how it easily becomes time consuming. However, I must say I still prefer to receive cards that I can look at for a few days.
Still receive presents in one way or another - this year I had hanging baskets made up by my daughter. My GD helped in my large garden. I had an afteroon tea with a friend, keeping our distance, and have had home made jam and pickles. Just to be remembered is fantastic and I do realise the older you get the more difficult it is to know what to buy that is useful.
Happy birthday to anyone whose birthday it is today.

Crazygran Fri 17-Jul-20 09:12:59

No excuse for it I am afraid .Selfish

Lolly69 Fri 17-Jul-20 09:13:38

I think that, as you get older this is par for the course. My ever loving (not) brother announced that they were only buying for the children. By that he meant his kids (who were late 30s and their kids). His wife continued to buy for her mother. So basically it was only his mother who was missing out. True to his word he didn’t buy anything for his mother for 6 years until the day she died (even on her 90th). Despite financially supporting my nephew and niece I don’t get cards from them (mind you one was pretty quick to tell me last Christmas that the money for their boys hadn’t arrived. Boys I haven’t seen for 5 years, the youngest was a babe in arms so quite why he should expect money from me is anyone’s guess). But that’s family, I have excellent caring friends so I don’t worry any more.

4allweknow Fri 17-Jul-20 09:18:01

I don't receive cards from GC unless they manage to slip in a little folded paper with a drawing on it. The adults do include the names of GC on their card. Cards can be found relatively cheaply but the postage is horrendous. Teenage GC would I imagine just not be into cards, email more their style.