Grandchikdren

It's upsetting enough not to get cards from your AC never mind the grand-children. If the mother of my grand-children
does not send me a card then it's unlikely that the GC will. Perhaps when they are older they might do it.

I think it erodes the relationship to a degree as I always do cards and presents particularly for the G.C.
To have just one tiny bit of appreciation shown would be nice, I am a giver but so often most are just takers.

I would be hurt too but that is kids these days. I'm more hurt if my kids forget. I think you are just very sensitive to these things like me. I approach a birthday expecting to get hurt.

I think perhaps it does not matter so much if you are in regular contact. Just nice to know they think of you sometimes.

I think that's just young people today. Haweral - I too approach birthdays expecting to get hurt, and I know I shouldn't, but Mother's Day, I absolutely loathe! Trying to juggle doing the right thing for both our mothers (and we're from the generation that sees spending quality time, and a nice card, and little treats etc to make our beloved mums' happy) as well as being a mum and seeing my children if I can, too, and as well as now one of them wanting her own mother's day with her child, is a logistic nightmare, and I find the only 'mum' doing everything to keep everyone else happy, but going without herself, is me, every year. It's my big birthday this year and I doubt it'll be any different to the usual. I've always tried to make it clear a present isn't necessary, more importantly it's the time spent, the thought behind it, etc, and I feel I should be grateful if I get a text to say 'happy birthday' but I'm not! Sometimes, not even a text. And a text takes a couple of seconds with no real thought behind it at all. If I'm 'lucky' they may come by and drop off a box of chocolates, and yes, I appreciate that many don't even get that, but it's like a duty, no real thought, and surely, as they know I loathe cooking and had to cook for 7+ all these years (until they all left home, all in the last 6 years), why don't any of them invite us over for a meal, or come by and offer to get me a sandwich and a cuppa while I put my feet up (bliss!). Or heaven forbid, take me out for lunch!!! I so often cook for them when they come over, but it's never reciprocated. I just feel chocolates are the easy option. I will add that I've spent my life trying to keep everyone else happy and making a point of putting others first and dropping everything to be there for them whenever they need me to be - so maybe it's my fault that they take me for granted. My husband just says that's the youth of today, not just our kids, but it's becoming such a sad, selfish world, with little thought for others, everyone is always 'so busy', yet they always have time to fit everything else in. I suppose I have to accept that they no longer have any use for me.....

Just a thought.... my mum missed contact from some of her grandchildren, especially when they started families and she didn't see the great grandchildren. I set up a family space for photos and made a what's app group asking all to post occasional pics of their lives and kids. Everyone in the family group can see. People seem closer. Young people often live on their mobiles and find posting a photo really easy and natural to do. Something like that may help? Do you have a son or daughter who would get it started?

One of the best things I love about this site, is realizing you are not the only one whose family don’t do X, Y & Z for them. I know there will be exceptions, who have wonderful families who never neglect them, but think the majority of us have sadly got families who are ‘too busy’ to do the things we always managed to find time for. I think it must be a generational thing, but so glad I am not the only one who gets upset because family don’t/forget/whatever me. It’s so easy to think it must be something we have done wrong to deserve it, so keep sharing so we can all support one another.

My grandson works but I must admit I've never expected him to buy anything of his own, we get gifts from the family (and I'm sure he has no idea what they buy me unless he's there when I open it!). It doesn't bother me but I can see that it might be hurtful for some people. I don't think there's much you can do about it, just accept that's the way a lot of youngsters are.

It is sad. My children gave to my mother on into her elderly years when they were young adults. She was however quite dismissive of their efforts - oh I've got drawers full of knitwear, what am I supposed to do with that?! Lol. They loved her very dearly and tried so hard to please. But to your situation - could you have a conversation ( or send a little note card with the question) about what they think is best for Christmas and birthdays? You might be surprised at their response and level of commitment to any agreed outcome. I am sure they love you so much but this world we are living in turns at 100 mph for the young ones and we can be the casualty. They are so busy making their mark on the world. Perhaps they might enjoy all going out for a festive time meal with you - a chance to share their lives and news. Each party could bare the cost of their own meal and leave it at that. Have a nice Christmas xxx