Boasting

Maybe it isnwt boasting or bragging, just telling someone about something that gives her pleasure.My mother was accused many many years ago of bragging about her children's exam results, she was horrified and learnt ( the hard way) that others don't necessarily share your joy!

Yes, I learned that. Somebody I thought I got on really well with started being really offhand with my son when he went round to visit his friend. Eventually he asked his friend what he had done wrong and he said that his Mum didn't like the way I boasted about him. I thought I always told the full story, the bad and the good but it seems that only the 'boasts' were noticed or I am worse than I thought. I have stepped back from the 'friendship' and from generally 'boasting' about him but when he achieves something which hasn't been easy because of a congenital condition, I can't help feeling proud of him.

Maybe geekesse was just suggesting that Alexa did the same as I had to above. It is an uncomfortable experience looking at what you brought to the situation but can be quite helpful.

I live in a country full of boasters, everyone has to "impress" its just what they do,I listen but it goes in one ear and out the other, I have got used to it, but it was strange at first.

Totally agree Orangerose. I know a few with those traits too and although I haven’t got much materially it’s more than made up for with family and friends ❤️

Where do you live Joesoap? Answer on a postcard only!

A friend of mine years ago, started boasting, not about things she had,but about things that people she knew had! Eg 'We went round to the Simpsons' last week for supper, they have an amazing house ... ' (followed by long description of the house).

I just couldn't understand it, and still don't. Was I meant to be impressed by her knowing someone with a big house? It killed off the friendship, anyway, because I found these conversations so boring!

Alexa...with respect I feel you have looked too much into your conversation with your neighbour. I don't believe she meant any harm or to upset you... she does not have that power...only you have the power to allow her to upset you or be disappointed by her. We all do not think or behave the same nor can we dictate the conversation we have with people to suit ourselves. Maybe the lovely holiday place is were she would like to be right now given all we have experienced due to Covid. xx

I get confused about boasting.
Why can’t it just be that you enjoyed something and want to share your enjoyment?
Feeling resentful that someone shared something nice with you reflects badly on you. I try hard to be pleased.
Recently a friend spent a long time telling me about a big bash she was having for her 70th. I was pleased for her and got pleasure from sharing her enjoyment.

Made me think of what Mrs Brown's Boys character's response would have been - 'that's naice' (sp?).

I am never bothered by what people have, nor impressed by big houses, cruises, big cars etc.etc. Never have been. I'm impressed by happy children, a happy marriage, a healthy lifestyle and a cosy home, a beautiful picture, good food, a beautiful garden, nature, animals, scenery, sunshine, someone who can bake, and a decent, kind personality.....

If anyone boasts to me about what they have [bought with big money] I am amused and look for the reasons this person does it. Poor upbringing with no manners? lack of self awareness? feeling inadequate? thinking money buys happiness? trying to make the other person feel inferior? copying someone else? feeling smug ? making up for a miserable life?....or genuinely wanting to share good luck/prosperity and include the other person by asking them to share whatever it is they are boasting about?

The last option is fine. If for the other reasons I would avoid that person.
A relative used to boast year in and year out about countless holidays abroad ad nauseum, looking down on me because I didn't...so tiresome and I avoid her.

I’m afraid I often find that people boast about their families, their money, prowess etc. Some people are just like that. If one is a bit more reserved, one doesn’t tend to blow one’s own trumpet. These ‘others’ also tend not to enquire after the other person, ie how’s your family, how’s so and so etc. My DH and I often laugh about how conversations with others are
often a bit one sided. It can be compared to turning a tap on, and there’s no way to stop the boaster going on and on except by breaking into the conversation forcefully which can be a bit of an effort if one is naturally rather reserved. It is so enjoyable to meet someone who shows a reciprocal interest in other people. I think, on the whole, that ideal conversations between 2 people should be a bit like a good tennis match, evenly balanced. Good manners.

Agree with Orangerose

I would just have been grateful that she wasn’t talking about Covid. That seems to be the main topic, these days, and I am sick of it.
If someone has bought something new and exciting, and wants to tell me about it, I wouldn’t mind. I have bragging rights on a lovely new grandson, if anyone wants to listen. ?

A classic form of boasting is the round-robin xmas card, listing all the amazing achievements of children (and now grandchildren). "Clara got 14 A* GCSEs, a distinction in her grade 8 viola, is captain of the lacrosse team and has just become a Queen's Guide. Her room is decorated with so many gymkhana rosettes and sports trophies that we'll soon need to extend the house"

We were always tempted to send back one along the lines of-
"Peter is back in borstal again, having tried to rob MacDonald's, Sally is just about to have another termination and John's been caught selling drugs round the back of the bike shed" - but we were too polite.

In my experience (spanning many decades now), those who brag loudest have least to brag about. There is a huge flaw somewhere in her perfect life... I always feel a bit sorry for those who feel the need to brag.

Brilliant Varian! Made me laugh out loud?

I meant to say "probably"!!

Varian... my brother sends a pic of himself and his family from their skiing chalet each Christmas. Would it be rude to send a pic back of me snorting white powder whilst being seen to from behind by an exotic male dancer?

Yes, Cher, I think she does quite like me. I would be surprised if this rather nice and capable woman had any sort of ego problem. What I think about boasting is it's becoming fairly commonplace to have a 'conversation' that consists of nothing but comparing personal or family successes or possessions.

I don't have many acquaintances so maybe I am mistaken about the trend as I see it.

I was not seeking personal advice when I sent my original post. I aimed to discuss boasting as a topic.

Thanks Varian - you really cheered me up!

Direne3

Made me think of what Mrs Brown's Boys character's response would have been - 'that's naice' (sp?).

Direne loved the sketch where Mrs. Browns' 'posh' friend remarked: "You didn't learn much at finishing school'! And Mrs Brown replied: "I used to say Feck off, now I say That's naice!"

To be honest , I don’t see what’s the matter with what the neighbour said , I certainly don’t see it as bragging at all . if I received a phone call in similar manner I’d just say that’s nice for you , enjoy what you have . To me she was just being chatty and got carried away , we are all pleased when we have things that we enjoy , she didn’t mean it in the way you’ve taken it, so don’t let it bother you and live and let live.

Rosalyn's reply is really interesting. I feel the sort of social pressure she describes, and I guess many of us do.

Blue Sky, Mrs Brown's Boys joke I like it! Thanks.

I always try to be careful when talking to friends and colleagues, to be mindful of their situation. I think it’s just kind; boasting may be subjective? But in sharing your own good fortune you might be making someone else aware of their own lack! I am never bored when someone tells me of their lives good or bad but I respect more the person who shares both not just show casing the good stuff.
I was bought up to believe that discussing money and possessions was bad manners and I try to keep this in mind.

As well as a colleague she's a neighbour so maybe just having a chat. If you wanted to end the conversation surely you just needed to say you were waiting on another urgent call and would have to go. I think lots of people boast - I'm sure I do